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Do you have rules
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Do you have rules in your house
Yes  
 93%  [ 101 ]
No  
 6%  [ 7 ]
Total Votes : 108



soap suds




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 10:38 pm
You should add to the survey: Do your kids follow the rules?
I'd love to see the results of that one. We definitely have rules around here. Getting kids to follow them is another story!
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 10:43 pm
If only I had a penny for every time my kids listened to my rules... I would file for bankruptcy.

But yeah... we have some rules.. who doesnโ€™t?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 11:12 pm
soap suds wrote:
You should add to the survey: Do your kids follow the rules?
I'd love to see the results of that one. We definitely have rules around here. Getting kids to follow them is another story!


The question is do you enforce and reinforce.

I will give any example. My youngest is 3. I have a few rules for her outside. We walk at the side of the road. We need to ask mommy before we cross. We can't be outside alone. If she doesn't follow the rule I take her back to the house and ask her the rule. She tells me and then we try again.

My guess is this neighbor tells her kids to be safe. If they go into the street she tells them to come back. Another neighbor told me she tells her kids not to go too far away from the house. That's not a clear rule. My rule is you can go from here to here and in these 5 back yards. You can go around the corner if you let me know before. That's what I mean about rules. I am realizing there must be a lot of women who don't have clear rules. Not judging. Just noticing. Ppl have different personalities and strengths. I am a very logical and organized person so maybe this is a strength that I have....? My weakness would be giving in to kids too much.
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 11:32 pm
Well the counter argument to your way, is that by teaching your kids such prescribed measures of safety, they don't learn to develop their own gauge.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 11:41 pm
amother [ Red ] wrote:
Well the counter argument to your way, is that by teaching your kids such prescribed measures of safety, they don't learn to develop their own gauge.


The older they get the more freedom I give them. The more trustworthy they are etc...kids don't have a gauge at 5 years old. At that age their brain tells them to run into the street if the ball rolled away. It forgets to tell them to check for cars bec this is an emergency in their opinion.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 2:03 am
Moms who send out their kid all evening on own in street don't have such strict rules. Main part they're off parents hands.
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 4:33 am
amother [ Red ] wrote:
So it's not that she doesn't have rules. She just doesn't list them the way you do. I'm sure she's made it clear to her kids even if it's not in "rule format" like you.


Exactly.
Not everything has to be a written or even un-written rule. If my 10 yr old DS takes a box of cornflakes and empties the whole box into my bed, can he then come and say "you didn't tell me that rule.."
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rgr




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 4:40 am
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
Every house has house rules. But most parents don't list them like drill sergeants. You raise the kids like this from when they're young & this is how they grow up and get used to. My kids know we only eat in the kitchen, everyone clears their own dishes off the table, you don't get up before you bentch, we only drink water when we eat, unpack one type of building toy at a time, no opening the front door, no crossing the street alone.... I think these things are the norm for many households, this is how the kids grow up.


Why no water except by mealtimes? Unless I misunderstood?
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 4:42 am
rgr wrote:
Why no water except by mealtimes? Unless I misunderstood?


I think she means we drink only water when we eat. ie. not coke/juice/ etc.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 4:53 am
I grew up in a house FULL Of Rules .
My mom was so proud about how well behaved we were
But, at the end of the day, we were like soldiers, following the Sergeant's rules. I went to a bit of the opposite extreme, and now I'm trying to balance it out more.
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Aylat




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 8:33 am
We have rules, but are they kept??
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 9:01 am
Aylat wrote:
We have rules, but are they kept??


If none of your rules are kept then I think no ๐Ÿ˜€ though I'm sure we all have rules that are kept, rules that need to be constantly reinforced and rules that are consistently disregarded...
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Emotional




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:11 am
Sure I have rules.
Doesn't mean that my kids never disobey or conveniently "forget" a rule.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Do you make it clear what the rules are or do you expect your kids to figure it out?

Some examples:

We don't play ball in the street

We don't splash water out of the bath tub

We don't take food from the closet without permission

We don't come out of bed at night


I have rules in my home, as I expect every functional household does.

I simply don't understand your question though, or where it's coming from. Expect kids to figure things out? What are our kids supposed to be, Neviim? Of course if I have expectations I spell them out (and I expect them to be, uh, not strictly adhered to sometimes, because that's what kids do, (but don't tell my kids that, please) so I repeat and reiterate, hopefully gently but definitely firmly, that food belongs in the kitchen no eating on the couch, and feet belong on the floor, and tissues that are used belong in the garbage, etc...)
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:32 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If none of your rules are kept then I think no ๐Ÿ˜€ though I'm sure we all have rules that are kept, rules that need to be constantly reinforced and rules that are consistently disregarded...


Take the eat in the kitchen rule, for example. My kids are constantly stretching that one, but I think, at least they are a bit more careful when they eat in the living room, trying not to leave evidence behind, because there's a rule......
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:44 am
Chayalle wrote:
I have rules in my home, as I expect every functional household does.

I simply don't understand your question though, or where it's coming from. Expect kids to figure things out? What are our kids supposed to be, Neviim? Of course if I have expectations I spell them out (and I expect them to be, uh, not strictly adhered to sometimes, because that's what kids do, (but don't tell my kids that, please) so I repeat and reiterate, hopefully gently but definitely firmly, that food belongs in the kitchen no eating on the couch, and feet belong on the floor, and tissues that are used belong in the garbage, etc...)


My question is do you have rules that are clear in your head and taught to your kids and constantly reinforced. For example we all want our kids to be safe outside. So there are a few ways to do this. One is to teach your kids How to cross the street and assume that they are being safe and when you see them being unsafe you tell them off. Or you could have very clear rules 1. No crossing without permission 2. No playing in middle of the street 3.No going around the corner without permission (different ages) and if they break it there are reinforcements (reminder, discipline etc..)
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:47 am
Emotional wrote:
Sure I have rules.k
Doesn't mean that my kids never disobey or conveniently "forget" a rule.


My question wasn't "are you raising angels"

Of course kids push limits. That's their job!
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My question is do you have rules that are clear in your head and taught to your kids and constantly reinforced. For example we all want our kids to be safe outside. So there are a few ways to do this. One is to teach your kids How to cross the street and assume that they are being safe and when you see them being unsafe you tell them off. Or you could have very clear rules 1. No crossing without permission 2. No playing in middle of the street 3.No going around the corner without permission (different ages) and if they break it there are reinforcements (reminder, discipline etc..)


Yes, I'm more of the being clear about the rules type. I don't believe in leaving things up to their imaginations.

My 11 year old knows where she can be on her own (or with her friends of her age) and how far she can go in the neighborhood, and which streets she would need to stop at because we don't let her cross those herself. She knows she can ride her bike in a nearby cul-de-sac but not in middle of the road where we live. And what time she is expected home. All these were discussed, spelled out, reinforced (especially the when to come home....)
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amother
White


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:49 am
salt wrote:
Exactly.
Not everything has to be a written or even un-written rule. If my 10 yr old DS takes a box of cornflakes and empties the whole box into my bed, can he then come and say "you didn't tell me that rule.."


You don't have to have a rule about no dumping boxes of cornflakes into the bed. That would fall under a more general rule, such as "no food outside the kitchen and dining room" or "we don't play with food" or "don't make messes in MY room".
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 10:51 am
salt wrote:
Exactly.
Not everything has to be a written or even un-written rule. If my 10 yr old DS takes a box of cornflakes and empties the whole box into my bed, can he then come and say "you didn't tell me that rule.."


That's the point. Do you make it clear or not. If you have a rule no bringing food into rooms...but if you don't your kid may decide to have breakfast on your bed. That's really the question. Do you expect them to have common sense or not. I don't.
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