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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Unhappy with schools/happy in city



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 9:50 pm
I am so torn and confused right now. My DH and I have been living in an OOT community for close to 10 years. Bh we are very happy here. We live near some family, we have friends, we love the city, the shul...
But we cannot stand the schools. There is only one elementary school, one high school each for girls and boys, and we are not happy with any of them. The hashkafos are more laid-back than we'd like, and the academics are subpar. The community is relatively young so the schools have gone through some growing pains, but we don't see any significant changes in the near future that are going to make things better. We've spoken with the administration and boards and voiced our concerns, but we're just not on the same wavelength in our educational philosophies.
My main question is, can we ever really be happy here if we're so unhappy with the schooling? Is it normal to tell ourselves the good outweighs the bad and hopefully our children will gain good enough skills/knowledge that they'll develop into wonderful adults?
On the one hand I feel like we should run out of here now before we get even more stuck, but on the other hand we so don't want to move.
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 10:00 pm
I would stay, not everything is about schools. your boys can dorm for HS, as for girls I dont think schools plays a huge role as long as theres a warm happy home. as far as college and academics I also think that comes more from the home and parents. kids from an intellectual home will value that even in a subpar school:
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 11:04 pm
I would say leave before it gets too difficult. I used to live in a similar type community and there were a couple of families that left with teenagers due to chinuch. It was not simple! We loved our former community, but we are glad that we moved when we did, our kids are in a much better place now. Schooling and children's friends especially are so important!
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, May 20 2019, 11:09 pm
It really depends on so many factors. I live in an oot city that also has what dh and I consider subpar schooling options. We seriously looked into moving to a couple of different places, and even made one pilot trip. We ultimately decided that staying put would be best overall for our family, and that there are significant chinuch advantages to raising our kids here- even though the formal schooling is not to our standards.

Do you have a mentor/ rav who can help you sort through all this?
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 5:35 am
We have the same problem. Following
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 6:36 am
I live in town and hate the schooling. There's no perfect situation and yessivahs are deficient in secular studies. I worked inside the schools and am appalled by the unprofessionalism. There is so much more to pedagogy than is applied in the schools.

It's a sad situation.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 6:50 am
Yes, but you can always supplement secular studies. I'm not saying they're are no chinuch problems in town-there are plenty. Sometimes, I just worry that we are putting my family in a subpar environment in hopes to mechazak the community. We were told to supplement and monitor
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 7:00 am
I don't think sending your kids (girls and boys) away for high school is the end of the world. Especially if the schools are relatively close and they can come home often for shabbos. And, if you have good options in the hashkafah you want available. With a dorm ideally.
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amother
Violet


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 7:27 am
amother [ Mustard ] wrote:
Yes, but you can always supplement secular studies. I'm not saying they're are no chinuch problems in town-there are plenty. Sometimes, I just worry that we are putting my family in a subpar environment in hopes to mechazak the community. We were told to supplement and monitor


Believe me, I supplement. It isn't the same as going to a good school. I attended Harvard School of Education and am jealous of what traching techniques exist.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 7:54 am
A few thoughts:

Does your ideal school exist? You could start by asking here on Imamother. If so, would you be able to move to that area? You would need jobs, housing, health care and a good fit with the community. It may or may not be better to stay put.

Other options include starting a new school, homeschooling, or commuting if a good school is in a nearby city. Keeping kids in a school you "can't stand" doesn't sound like a great option. Children spend a lot of their waking hours in school. Could you send then for a half-day for Jewish studies only (if you feel the school is stronger on that side), and do the rest at home?

As for high school - not all kids are good candidates for living away from home. I wouldn't relocate for a specific school unless you are close to that stage, though. If your children are preschoolers, for example, there may be a lot of changes both locally and in other communities before they are ready for HS. Older kids are able to tolerate a longer bus ride, so the HS doesn't have to be in your neighborhood.
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Tue, May 21 2019, 7:57 am
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
Believe me, I supplement. It isn't the same as going to a good school. I attended Harvard School of Education and am jealous of what traching techniques exist.

I hear you. But I doubt most schools in town or oot are using these techniques unless they are the prep school types. The day schools oot just seem to have passable secular studies (enough that parents will send to them) and poor to mediocre kodesh. I'm not talking about the bigger communities with a right wing school. We were told that the home is valuable as well. There is something nice to be away from the materialism of Lakewood and to have your kids turn out stronger. It's just hard seeing all the exposure and knowing that your kid is bored and behind in kodesh. It's a tough one op. Daveing and siyata dshemaya are key in town and oot. I would suggest consulting with a Rav/mechanech who knows the schools and you
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