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Texting me for money! leave me alone
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amother
Peach


 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 3:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I pay almost full tuition but dont give gifts ever to teachers.. for weddings...its too expensive and schools should be paying the teachers more with my tuition.

What really bothers me is when classmoms now are texting me for gift for teacher. These moms own houses, and have lots of things I dont have. Are they paying full tuition? Mostvof them are not.

Im angry for them to bother me to ask me for money.

Even if you think I should give its not your job to tell me how to spend my money.

But my biggest issue is yes I can pay my bills bh bec I live very simply but if everyone paid more tuition then maybe the schools can afford to pay teaxhers more. So yes im not giving gifts but im paying more tution than most moms. And, yes, many times the schools are not using the increased tution to pay teachers more money.

But, you really dont have a right to stress me out texting my phone for solicitations. Its my cellphone which is for my private use and texting is for me to use to make my life easier, not for you to stress me out.

I really hate it when these classmoms who have nothing to do with me (except to bother me for money) text me for money. And, how did they get my cell number? I did a favor for a woman I know and maybe she gave them my number??? She texted my dh then others texted me. I helped her out and she begs me for money!!!


I totally understand you. But dont let it get to you. Like some of the others said, politely decline.
(We pay full tuition and have huge expenses and were the only ones who paid for my father in law's kevurah.)
We barely make it through the month even though my husband earns beautifully. We have outrageous insurance premiums, medical bills, the highest tuition bracket.
I make believe I do not see the several times a year vacations the siblings took in the year my father in law passed away. Atleast I have the mitzva of kvuros hames, kibud av.
Remember, paying tuition is a mitzva. Make yourself feel good about it.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 3:46 pm
Just text back: Thanks for having me in mind. I already have plans for a personal gift.
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hotzenplotz




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 3:47 pm
little neshamala wrote:
On our class gifts they only put the names of those who chipped in.

My sister was an assistant once and she watched the teacher go through the list of names, and then say "hmmmm. Rosenberg's the only one who didnt participate"

So yeah, Rosenberg (who I know to be dirt poor and also not in the best place mentally,on the receiving end of multiple chessed committees) singled herself (and her child!)out.

I know you are trying to bring across a point, but:
Your tone of voice about Rosenberg is horrible. May you never know about being dirt poor, and struggling mentally.
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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 4:02 pm
Another idea, OP, is to volunteer to be class mom next year and that way no one will know if you choose not to contribute to the class gift.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 4:15 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
In public schools, teachers are not allowed to accept gifts. Its considered a conflict of interest.


Definitely not true where I live. The elementary school parents collect every year.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 5:41 pm
hotzenplotz wrote:
I know you are trying to bring across a point, but:
Your tone of voice about Rosenberg is horrible. May you never know about being dirt poor, and struggling mentally.


I am so sorry you read it that way. Which part bothered you?

Unfortunately my entire childhood revolved around being dirt poor and struggling mentally. Im not sure which part offended you, but im truly sorry about it either way.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 6:08 pm
amother [ Rose ] wrote:
I think you're reading waaaay too much into these texts. And for some reason they're eliciting a very emotional response in you, whereas most people just shoot off a polite text in return and move right along.


I don't think she's reading way too much into these texts. I'm struggling financially too, and these requests just add stress to the day. And responding in the negative is very discomforting. It hurts and if the text arrives when I'm experiencing one of those days, it really really hurts.

I don't understand this gift giving culture, (and I didn't understand it either when I was financially ok). Why do we have to gift multiple times a year - on Chanukah, on Purim, at the end of the year, when the teacher has a baby, when the assistant gets married - multiplied by the number of kids you have. There's Hakaras Hatov, and then there's overdoing that too. If you want to do something privately, by all means. But I don't get why all these events precipitate the need for a communal contribution.

Regardless, this can be done in a much kinder fashion. Instead of sending out requests "please contribute" or similar & forcing responses from people, just send out a mass text saying that there's a fund collection being put together for this occasion & those who wish to participate should please send the funds to.... . Follow that up a short time later with a short reminder and be done with it. There's no need to run down a checklist of who did or didn't contribute, and there's no need to follow up personally either. Those who will want to contribute will have done so and those who won't don't need to respond. End of story.
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little neshamala




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 22 2019, 6:18 pm
amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:
I don't think she's reading way too much into these texts. I'm struggling financially too, and these requests just add stress to the day. And responding in the negative is very discomforting. It hurts and if the text arrives when I'm experiencing one of those days, it really really hurts.

I don't understand this gift giving culture, (and I didn't understand it either when I was financially ok). Why do we have to gift multiple times a year - on Chanukah, on Purim, at the end of the year, when the teacher has a baby, when the assistant gets married - multiplied by the number of kids you have. There's Hakaras Hatov, and then there's overdoing that too. If you want to do something privately, by all means. But I don't get why all these events precipitate the need for a communal contribution.

Regardless, this can be done in a much kinder fashion. Instead of sending out requests "please contribute" or similar & forcing responses from people, just send out a mass text saying that there's a fund collection being put together for this occasion & those who wish to participate should please send the funds to.... . Follow that up a short time later, with a short reminder and be done with it. There's no need to run down a checklist of who did or didn't contribute, and there's no need to follow up personally either. Those who will want to contribute will have done so and those who won't don't need to respond. End of story.


Agree with this completely
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