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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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catonmylap

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 8:13 am

your wedding?

bris of your child?

I keep finding it striking when we go to smachot and it seems to be much more the grandparents simcha than the parents. Maybe because they plan and pay for the entire thing and its filled with their friends.

We planned our own wedding, but our parents paid for it....but I felt it was really ours. Since it was in Israel, most of the friends were ours.

The bris was all us on our own. Sometimes I find it difficult that we are on our own (bec our parents live so far away), but it creates a different feeling when you do it all yourself.

Marion

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 8:26 am

Our wedding sounds like it was similar to yours...although since our parents were paying we DID have a few chiyuvim.

The bris DH's parents paid for...let's just say I'm planning on paying for the next one myself.

sarahd

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 8:28 am

We were all grown up when we married, so we paid for our own wedding (although naturally including our parents' friends, as they would have included our friends were they paying for it) and definitely for our son's bris.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 8:31 am

I didnt pay for or plan my wedding, I was in israel and our wedding was in america, so we just sort of showed up.

greenfire

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 8:34 am

us ... after all it was about us ... if not it's like somebody else is telling you how to live your first moments of life together ... whether it be a wedding or a bris ... or anything else ... own it live it ... enjoy it ...

Seraph

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 10:03 am

I planned my whole wedding. Our parents paid for it though.

Any bris we'll have, will probably be us paying for it, because once married, my parents pretty much believe that we're supposed to be mature enough to handle our own expenses.

Any bris we'd make would probably be small.

shopaholic

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 10:05 am

Our parnets paid for our wedding & my parents paid for the sholom zocher (believe me, my mother puts out so much food, it is a big cost) & the bris (he was the 1st granchild) & we paid for the pidyon haben. By the next boy, we paid for the bris.

Sofia2

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 1:54 pm

My husband planned the whole wedding- his parents paid for some of it, he took loans and paid for the rest.
My parents didnt pay a penny, plan a thing, or even inquire if anything was needed. They simply showed up like some aunt and uncle.

DefyGravity

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 2:09 pm

I planned the wedding, our parents paid for it.
Obviously, they had a say in things, but I made most of the decisions.

YALT

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 2:10 pm

my parents paid "Kallah's part". My father is a strong believer of not going into a marriage in debt. He has alot of "chiyuvim" who were all invited, although most of them are out of town, and don't show.
DH's parents are divorced, father not into reality. Mother has no money (not that my parents have!) DH took out a loan in his name to pay for FLOP.

Planning... We planned together. I was in town. I chose flowers, etc.. Orchestra, Photographer, videographer - DH & I discussed together.
Obviously, I knew I had to stay in the budget for DH & parents. After all, they are the ones paying.

su7kids

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 3:02 pm

My parents paid for a planned my wedding, we just told them it had to be separate dancing and the kind of music we wanted.

With my kids, we paid and we planned with tons of input from them. I saw and remembered what it was like when I was young and getting married and had no clue what was required, what things cost, etc. So, we had a less expensive wedding for my daughter and it went off very well.

She enjoyed herself, her chossen enjoyed himself, and a great time was had by ALL.

Ruchel

Wed, Aug 29 2007, 3:54 pm

Engagement was paid by dh only, he says it is his minhag that the boy pays the engagement and the girl the wedding. I told him no way, too unfair, we will do 50/50 for everything. But he insisted on paying the engagement.

Planning was done by us, but my parents found the place (in the synagogue they got married Smile

).

Wedding was paid 50/50, planned by the wedding planner LOL

and also my grandma, as it was in Jerusalem.

Most of the guests were ours, but some were family friends or work relations from my uncle (he had too, being in something rather "public").

Mati's naming was basically free, we told the community head we needed a minian during the week (on shabbes I wouldn't have been able to walk, 15 days after birth!), he managed to have more than that!!
The few guests (it's a bit like a bris, too early for people to show up lol) were all ours. My father gave 100 euros for the building of the new shul though.
We didn't do a kiddush or a party so there was no planning, just finding a day where they take the Torah out. lol

amother

Thu, Aug 30 2007, 11:42 pm

My parents said here's $_____ to make your wedding, now you make the arrangements & leave us out of it! I worked out great and I think I'll do that with my kids.

Yakira

Fri, Aug 31 2007, 3:25 pm

My mom paid for the complete vort and girl's part of the wedding, she was so thrilled to finally be making annother wedding that she was overjoyed to spend the money for a simcha (My sister who is 3 years my senior had gotten married 7 years before). She and I planned everything toegether, with some input from DH, but there was very little that I really cared about (read color theme, menu, etc). I am just glad it was in the hall I wanted and that I didn't have to scimp on the invite list.

DH's parents aren't involved and he borrowed money to pay for FLOP and got a little help from a family that he is very closed to (and ended up walking him down).

I'd imagine my mom will pay for the bris / kiddush as long as we do it in her neighborhood, and she'll do most of the planning, I guess. That's what happened with my sister's oldest. After that, she might pitch in in terms of money and ideas, but I'd think we'd take care of the rest.

miriamnechama

Mon, Sep 03 2007, 7:43 am

dh and I planned our whole wedding though somethings we did tpgether somethings he did while others I did. I got married in israel, it wasn't worth bringing all of dh's fammilly cousins included to london, it's a big familly, big expense and was cheaper to do it in israel. anyways I was in israel then at the time. we chose the hall together... we looked at a few, I chose the photogropher and hedid the caterer and band. he wanted a breslov singer and we did minhag yerushalayim, my foster mother's request. I'm not sure if then I cared who the singer was... maybe now I would be more picky, but it was also very nice, I wasn't too loud. I was more picky about the photogropher cus I wanted someone who would do what I wanted and have my involve my ideas. eg the chuppa was on the roof over looking the whole of yerushalayim.... we took pictures there, there was a picture of the kotel and swiss mountains again another idea for pictures and he was pretty natural also. parents paid for the chasuna and the gown came from London.

the engagement parents wanted a seuda, we have fam also in jeruusalem, they paid for it.

and both brissim I think they also paid for though dh arranged everything. ds2 was hard cus it was erev pesach. dh paid for the shalom zachor I think tough by ds2 split the cost with another neighbour who also had a boy and daven in the same sul as us. ( we joke that the shabbos bar motzva will also be split... shabbos hagadol was their shalom zacjhar and prob will be their bar mitzva...)

and no pidyan cus we are leviim.

also parents wanted a seuda for their upsheren's and paid for that, it was something really small. maybe even less than a minyan though I had made cake to give out.

ClaRivka

Sun, Nov 11 2007, 9:44 pm

Nobody paid for nothing in our wedding! We got married in a basement in a hotel with no flowers and homemade shnitzel and potato kugel. (I did not plan anything...and from the looks of things when I got there, nobody else did either.)
I got married in Yerushalayim and I was living in America at the time.

SingALong

Mon, Nov 12 2007, 3:22 pm

my mom planned the wedding, and both sides split costs 50/50.
my 1st daughter's kiddush my mom did the whole thing.
2nd daughter she wanted to do another big tado but my hubby and I wanted to do a small thing on our own.

Clarissa

Mon, Nov 12 2007, 3:33 pm

Wedding #1: We planned the entire thing, my parents paid for most of it, but his parents paid for liquor, photographer, music and flowers.

Wedding #2: Ditto.

Brissim we arranged everything (mostly my husband) and we paid for all of it.

ChavieK

Mon, Nov 12 2007, 3:50 pm

My parents & in laws split the cost of our wedding. We all had plenty of input into it. Decisions were made on what was most impt. to each person. Our 1st dd we paid for kiddush. Then ds my parents paid for bris, planned together. The next one inlaws paid for. When my kids got married, we split the cost with flop, for both ds & dd. Of course we let them have a lot of input & in dejavu we had to compromise for what was most impt to each person. When dd had baby we split the kiddush with machatonim.

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