I don’t “like” my husband’s Rav

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amother

Fri, May 24 2019, 6:06 pm

My husband follows a pretty controversial Rav who is very lenient in some areas, but very strict in others. And the beginning of our marriage I liked it, because I was suddenly allowed to do so many things that had always been restricted. But as the years pass, I don’t really care about those things anymore, and his restrictions really bother me. I wish we could find a more mainstream rav, but I don’t think my husband will do that. Any advice? Just a vent I guess.

amother

Plum

Fri, May 24 2019, 6:28 pm

Can you find your own Rav and tell your DH that anything involving you will be paskened by your own Rav?

Sounds like he's being machmir at your expense.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Jul 08 2019, 11:50 am; edited 1 time in total

notshanarishona

Fri, May 24 2019, 6:32 pm

Talk to your husband about how you feel to start with

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, May 24 2019, 6:44 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

Talk to your husband about how you feel to start with

Yup. Find out to what extent it matters to him that you follow this Rav and not another Rav, at least in matters that pertain to you only and not the entire family.

amother

Fri, May 24 2019, 7:24 pm

Any recommendations for a good normal rav who is good with women?

groisamomma

Fri, May 24 2019, 7:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Any recommendations for a good normal rav who is good with women?

Dh paskens shailos and for others he can find leniencies easily, but he is very machmir with himself, so by extension the family. Several years ago we agreed on a few rabbonim that we'll use in such cases and b"h it works out well. (DD wanted a heter for something recently, she knows the bottom line is whatever the rav says so we called him. He discussed it with dh that night and together they agreed there was room for DD to get her heter because it was based on minhag and not necessarily halacha.)

Sometimes he asks to speak with dh and lo and behold renders a psak that favors me and both of us are happy. PM me for his name and number. There are actually two, but I can't post personal cell phone numbers here.

ectomorph

Sat, May 25 2019, 10:44 pm

Where are you located? I think it's important to have a Rav who lives nearby if possible. A lot of community norms can only be understood by someone who lives in the community.

amother

Sun, May 26 2019, 12:43 am

ectomorph wrote:

Where are you located? I think it's important to have a Rav who lives nearby if possible. A lot of community norms can only be understood by someone who lives in the community.

Lakewood area

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