DD is bosy to babysitter

amother

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 6:43 am

I have a wonderful babysitter. And she deals with this issue wonderfully.
DD just turned 11 and well she does not really need a babysitter it is for the younger ones and a baby she pulls the baby out of the hands, doesn't go to bed when the baby cries ''she needs me'' she said and stays up till almost 11 because with her the baby does not cry so she feels responsible. I understand but I just hired a babysitter so she can be a child. DD is a big help but she needs to be a child and let the babysitter take care of the baby and the toddlers. The babysitter as I said handles this very well says like ''mommy asked me to watch the baby so that you will have a good night of rest and can excel in school, you can help me with change her jammies and put her in bed with me, but if she keeps crying I'm going to take her and care for her''. At that moment she accepts but I witnessed somethings bymyself that she is really bosy and protected to the baby I understand her but I want her to be free from that.
How can I politely say to DD to let her be a child? And let go of her protective and bosy behaviour?

amother

Denim

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 6:47 am

Sounds like she's being bossy because she wants to be seen as a big girl. Give her a job not related to child care and make sure that you and the babysitter both praise her for doing the job well.

nicole81

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 6:53 am

I've always been very straightforward with my older kids re the sitter. I say "sitter is the adult in charge when we're not home, and you need to respect her authority. If you wouldn't say or do something to me if I were home, then don't do it to her," and give examples of the unacceptable behavior and think through acceptable alternatives with them. I always also relate behavior admonishment to health and safety, ie grabbing the baby away from the sitter, while you mean well, is a very big safety concern and I don't want your brother/sister to get hurt; staying up late isn't good for your health, therefore you must always go to sleep by [insert time].

I also asked my sitter to tell me every time the older kids were disrespectful so that I could immediately address it that evening. This worked great and curbed the behavior for the most part.

imasinger

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 7:08 am

One possibility might be that DD is struggling to feel important. Is anything going on socially where she's feeling unimportant?

Another could be that she's lacking structure when you're away. If so, kudos to her and to you for dealing with this by taking on extra challenges, however misguided. If this is the case, maybe you could make a chart of what you expect the sitter to do, and what you expect her to do. You can put "get to bed on time" on the list. You can also ask the sitter to help her feel important by asking her smaller things, like "what's baby's favorite toy", and praising her for being a great assistant and babysitter in training. You can offer small rewards -- an extra 10 minutes before bedtime tomorrow if you go to sleep on time when I'm out tonight -- for compliance.

A third could be she has decided this particular sitter isn't competent. That's worth finding out why she has that opinion.

Bottom line -- talk to her before deciding on a course of action.