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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
OP
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:08 pm
Does your teen has a lock on her door?
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amother
Mauve
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:14 pm
All our bedroom doors have locks, from babies and up. Everyone deserves privacy. But I keep the keys in my room.
I've had afew times that we were a guest at someone's house and there was no lock on the bedroom door. I can't stand it.
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allthingsblue
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:15 pm
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amother
Teal
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:21 pm
I didn't as a teen and it's the first thing I made sure of when I moved out. Maybe if my space and privacy had been respected despite having no lock, I would've been fine. But never feeling comfortable to get changed or do anything private because my mom could (and did) burst in at any time (including the middle of the night) did not feel safe at all.
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amother
Mint
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:23 pm
I was bashed on this site for having an open door policy in my home. We do have locks on the doors, but we keep the doors slightly ajar when not changing, and one knocks/announce their presence before going in.
To me, a child locking their door is a red flag.
If they are doing homework, reading, on the computer or phone, flat ironing hair, polishing nails..... none of these things need a locked door. If the door is locked I would be concerned that they were doing something that would not be ok if they were caught.
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amother
Mauve
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:26 pm
Amother mint, a child locking a door is in no way a red flag. The fact that you're saying it's a red flag means that you do not trust your kids. Everyone deserves privacy. My kids like to study or read with a locked door. I don't really care what they do in the privacy of their rooms, I trust them.
When my 7 year old gets insulted or upset she locks herself into her room and cries...
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:28 pm
I’m so confused I’m not sure. I’m getting new door knobs. Dd doesn’t have a lock and complains about it she has her own room.
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amother
Lilac
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:28 pm
My mother finally stopped barging in without knocking when she walked in on me getting undressed. I don't think she realized how inappropriate it was until then. I don't think a lock is necessary but doors should be able to be fully closed, not stay ajar.
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allthingsblue
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I’m so confused I’m not sure. I’m getting new door knobs. Dd doesn’t have a lock and complains about it she has her own room. |
If she complains about it, get a lock for her.
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singleagain
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:30 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I’m so confused I’m not sure. I’m getting new door knobs. Dd doesn’t have a lock and complains about it she has her own room. |
What of you agreed to get her a lock, but with the caveat that you have the keys for emergencies? .. and define what an emergency is... Blood, broken bones, fire etc.
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ohmygosh
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:32 pm
A 15 year old Dd should have a lock on her door. She shouldn't have to be worried that someone will walk in on her while she's undressed. You can let her know that you have a spare key in your room for emergency reasons.
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aliavi
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:32 pm
We have, but we don’t really use them except the main bathroom. I’d like to think it’s because we are respectful enough to knock and wait to be asked to come into the room before going in. If DD didn’t have a lock and asked for one I would get it right away so she feels comfortable. I think I’d also see if anything else was going on and schmooze a bit.
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amother
Orange
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Does your teen has a lock on her door? |
No. I am afraid if there was a fire I wouldn't be able to get to her. I knock on door before entering her room and she knocks on my door.
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behappy2
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:40 pm
Usually teens with younger siblings want to be able to have privacy. Also some ppl crave more privacy than others. My son and daughter share a room so I took the lock off. When my kids get their own rooms I will put a lock on it provided they are old enough to use it appropriately...in short if a teen asks for a lock than give it. Unless you have a really good reason not to trust them.
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yksraya
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:41 pm
I don't see why a teen can't have her privacy when needed. Dd keeps her door open when asleep, otherwise, when she wants to lock she can.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:54 pm
I think I’m not sure about it because of the computer. Even though we have controls I am never feel safe about it.
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Einikel
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:56 pm
I had a lock that was openable with those pin thingies as did all other bedrooms besides my parents which had a regular key.
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ra_mom
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 9:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | I think I’m not sure about it because of the computer. Even though we have controls I am never feel safe about it. |
I'm more concerned about the teen having a computer in their room than having a lock on her bedroom door.
Best thing to do is place the computer in an open family room.
If that's not possible then a lock is not a good idea. But you need to be able to give the teen privacy. So really the computer should be moved and the bedroom door lock should remain, with a key available to parents for emergencies.
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chanatron1000
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 10:05 pm
A lock is an absolute necessity for a teenager. Teens do all kinds of things that require privacy and are not wrong in any way, like dancing silly dances and making faces in the mirror.
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paperflowers
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Thu, Jun 13 2019, 10:15 pm
Privacy is important. The hook and eye lock on my bedroom door fell off at some point, so as a teenager I had my family very well trained that they could NEVER open my door (even if it was partially ajar).
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