My DD's frienemy | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 7:05 am

My DD is 10 yrs old. There is a girl in our neighborhood that she used to be close with 3-4 years ago but they have drifted apart. They see each other every week at shul usually. It's now rare that the two will play together. During the last 3-4 yrs as they have grown apart, this girl-"friend" would get jealous if my DD was having a play date with a mutual friend. The girl would insist on inserting herself into the playdate. Other times, this girl would literally break up a play day with my DD and other friends and sabotage my DD's planned play date. It's been painful to watch this unfold over the years and it has been maddening to see another girl seemingly intentionally hurt my DD. Not too long ago, I was surprised to learn that my DD was invited over one day for a play date to this girl's house. We try to discourage it actually because we feel this girl is manipulative and mean spirited. But my DD went; I suspect because she is surprised and also flattered at the same time that her "once friend" has recognized her. One time when this girl was over at our house a few months back, all I could notice was this girl whispering constantly to my DD whenever the two were in the same room as me. I find that behavior very rude. We just learned yesterday by another older girl that this girl often speaks very negatively of DD when she is with other friends who happen to also be friends or acquaintances of my DD. I'm not sure what would prompt such outspoken, unprovoked comments from a 10 yr old. I assume this occurs outside of ear shot of her parents. Should we confront the parents? Should we just ignore this? Should we continue to discourage no contact to our DD? I've never seen another 10 yr old act so mean, controlling or manipulative because I didn't think kids could be so calculating. But this girl does it.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 7:13 am

Welcome to the world of girls.

I would not "confront" the parents, but I would invite them over for coffee and discuss the dynamics. Try to make it sound like a team effort, where you are on their side, and would like to have peace in the neighborhood. Ask them if they've noticed anything going on with their DD and friends, and discuss how everyone can get along. You need allies in this, and when the girl sees that the parents are talking, she will be less inclined to do sneaky stuff.

As a concerned parent, I would appreciate if someone came to me with concerns about DD's behavior, as long as it was done gently, and in a friendly manner.