S/O Summer Vacation Rant

amother

Oak

Sun, Jun 16 2019, 11:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Reading the summer vacation rant and most of the responses was kind of shocking to me. Is that what life is all about? Working to pay bills? Is that it? Have we lost all sense of priorities? And don't tell me that every single person who agreed with the op is struggling to make ends meet. I see enough posts on here inquiring "what's in" for everything from shoes, clothing, backpacks etc...what's "expected" to buy for new chassan/kalla, how much should be budgeted for weddings and simchas, whether you can afford it or not. It would be frowned upon if you threw a small Bar mitzvah or if your kid is not wearing the latest pom-pom hat, but complaining about how many days one "has" to spend with their kids is ok...what is going on?

Parenting is a verb, not just a title that is owed to you for having brought a child into the world and going straight back to work so that you can buy him the trendiest clothes.

Here, read this article:

http://www.mishpacha.com/Brows.....Broke

It's all very nice and good to say that you don't believe in materialism, but you simply can't have your child be the only one not having with the right "stuff". Maybe, OP, you don't yet have teenagers - you'll see how it is when you get there.

yerushamama

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 12:00 am

Most of this doesn't apply to me as I am a WAHM in Israel whose kids have vacation mostly around YT, with a 5 week summer vacation. I remember, though, what it was like for my mother to try and find childcare for us between school and camp. Some years, there was nothing organized available, for any amount of money. It isn't always easy to find a teen to babysit -they enjoy having unstructured time!

This is why I run my babysitting group pretty much year-round. My teenage daughters work with me part of their vacation to earn some money. I charge enough that there are very few sahm who send on a regular basis, but not too much for working moms to afford. It also gives us money for some luxuries as well as the occasional unexpected expense.

out-of-towner

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 12:07 am

Oh boy, I have a lot to say about this, as someone who has been a SAHM and now works full time, but I will bring out another point that hasn't been noted.

Even if I was working and could technically afford to take more days off (which is a Cheshbon that I sometimes have the ability to make), it's not always the actual hours that I would be taking off and the money that I wouldn't get paid that's always the concern. It's also the continuity that my job requires. Most of us work as part of a team, and when one person is off it means that others have to pick up the slack. I'm happy to do that when needed, and my coworkers are happy to do the same, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't inconvenience others. I'm a service coordinator, and I have a caseload of people that rely on me, and it's tough when I'm out.

And yes, I cannot afford to be a SAHM, nor is it good for my family and my sanity. I'm a better mother to my children because I have an outlet called work, which also helps pay the bills. And that's perfectly okay to admit.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 1:08 am

THANK GOODNESS YOU ARE HERE, OP!! I had NO IDEA that I hated my children so much!

Wow. What an eye-opener. Here I was, buying Gucci belts for my children online, after I drugged them to be asleep by 5pm, while also booking a luxurious vacation for just me and my spouse. You think an AirBNB for $5000 a night seems too much? Nah, didn't think so.

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm lucky my children don't wake me up in the middle of the night, after I lock the doors to the dungeon, where they sleep. If I have time, maybe I'll read The Surrendered Parent or something, so I can further get in touch with my inner Child Hater.

cinnamon

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 7:24 am

yerushamama wrote:

Just had to say thank you. You and day cares like yours are a life saver!

Yes we need two salaries in order to survie. Can I technically survive on a smaller pay check? sure but a smaller pay check doesn't uaually mean less hours so that wouldn't help the issue with summer vacation.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 7:31 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

It's not the school's responsibility to take care of your kids. They just happen to take it over for the days that they are open. You can't demand that they increase that.

You missed the point.
The other thread was complaining about the fact that tuition was paid for June in full. Then schools decided not to give classes for the whole month.
If there was a reduced rate for June so there would be extra money for child care until camp that would calm hard working people down. The main complaint was having to either pay again for the last 10 days or June or putting a much needed job in jeopardy.
No one was simply complaining about having to spend time with their kids.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 8:40 am

I never understand these threads. I didn't grow up frum.

Dad worked long hours, Mom worked part time. My sister and I were expected to entertain ourselves. (I don't remember what was done when we were toddlers. I think my mom didn't work until we could spend a few hours alone or at the neighbor's houses.)

We never had camp. We never had trendy things, and didn't even know of trends. We played outside, used our imagination, got muddy, got creative, rode bikes, and played with toys. We didn't have TV except Sunday morning kid's shows, and my parents sat and watched with us.

We were very lower middle class, and a lot poorer than we knew. Any vacations were paid for by grandparents, and were family trips, not amusement parks.

IMHO, it was a much healthier way to live. Of course, we weren't keeping up with the Shwartz's, but we felt loved, and we were happy. Isn't that the most important thing?

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:03 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

You have to remember that in the frum world people have large families and so they have many years with toddlers and young kids who can't be home alone.

keym

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 9:15 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

Very different world.
1) Jewish tuition is insane necessitating mothers to go to work. And I'm talking lakewood where tuition is "only" 5-6k per child plus building and registration fees.
My full tuition plus costs for 5 kids is 30k a year. And I'm aware that's low in the scheme of things.

2) it's not as safe as it was when you were a kid to let kids play outside (especially in the city) unsupervised. I'm going to either need to pay a babysitter to supervise my kids or pay for daycamps.

amother

Red

Mon, Jun 17 2019, 6:09 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

The thread is for hard working, harried moms who need to to work to pay mortgage, tuition and basics and have a HARD TIME finding childcare in between summer day camp and school. For your information, we live with an added tension that children need supervision till an older age than when you and your sister group up. We live next door with many gentile families and the pressure is double. A kid cannot cry without the windows being shut. Reread the OP and put herself in her shoes.

emi1812

Tue, Jun 25 2019, 11:23 pm

Yep, some of us peasants don’t have the privilege or luxury of a DH with a six figure salary and cannot take off from work for extended period. We have to work in order to keep the lights on, to put bread and water on the table, and keep a roof over our heads, which we can all agree aren’t “splurging” or “luxuries.” Never took a family vacation (can’t afford it, need the $$ for registrations, tuitions, school supplies), can’t even afford to rent a pool, we go to the free sprinkler playgrounds and the beach late in the day since we cannot afford beach badges. OP, would you rather we pay full tuition so the teachers/rebbeim can get paid on time etc or would you rather see that same money go down the drain from all the unpaid time off due to the massive gap between the end of school and start of day camp? Money doesn’t grow on trees. At least not for some of us.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 1:52 am

I hate these threads. I love my kids. I wish I could spend more time with them or even just pick them up from camp while they are awake and happy!! I work long hours and see my kids at night for dinner, bedtime and if I am lucky a book or quick game.
I HAVE TO WORK. My husband lost a huge portion of his income and I cannot take an unpaid day. We cannot make ends meet. I pinch pennies, buy store brands, use coupons, don't buy "in" clothing etc (Walmart, Target etc is mostly where I buy clothes these days. Old Navy was too much) and still have issues with tuition... We both have degrees and graduate school. But things don't go as planned. Companies close, fields get flooded...

I was feeling depressed earlier that I feel that most of my time with them is "business stuff"- get up, get dressed, breakfast, dinner, brush teeth, put laundry in the hamper, go to bed. I try to make sure to pay attention to them as much as I can when I can. And I hate this.

OP- thanks for making a crisis worse. Thanks for making feel guilty that I don't want to get evicted for not paying rent. Thanks for making me cry. I want to be with them. I want to go to the park with them. Color. Play games. Get messy. Teach them to swim.
I know it's awful I can't be there with them. I wish I could. And now I feel worse about our situation and I can't do anything about it!!! Unless of course I can send you my tuition bill, rent and food bill. You sounded like you were passionate enough to sponsor some quality time... Let me know where to send it, ok?

amother

Jade

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 3:05 am

I am British and cannot understand the American summer vacation! honestly I LOVE spending time with my kids and I promise you we have a nice time. Every day after school we have a nice time and our summer is brilliant, we have 5 weeks of school and we travel for 2 weeks, It is PERFECT!!!
I don't know why the US have not changed...

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 4:51 am

OP seems to not understand that sometimes both parents work and that’s just for the basics. Many people find that hard to understand. I once mentioned to someone that I have never gone away on vacation in 10 years of marriage and she was shocked. And I was shocked that she was shocked—who thinks that is a given?
Those of us struggling get it. OP, do you worry about the cost of feeding the kids breakfast and lunch for these extra 11 days since they aren’t being given it in school? Do you feel your heart constrict when you child asks for cereal and you have to say “Oh! We just happened to run out, how about eggs?” Cuz that’s all you have? And your kid keeps asking why you keep forgetting to buy and you have to pretend you are just absentminded? Do you have to keep “forgetting” to buy chalk and arts and crafts for this week when they are home?
No? Then don’t judge.

baby12x

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 6:24 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

Thank you!!
And the struggle to find things to do that are free. And I mean really free not cheap. Especially when you have to factor in transportation. I save all year to be able to afford daycamps for my kids. I cant afford to take off of work. Even if I take unpaid days, my boss is not going to keep my job for me if I take off days in the summer and winter break and PTA days and teacher development and plays and erev yom tov and isru chag and half days on fast days etc etc.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 8:31 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Are there no working mothers in England? Does the entire country close for 2 weeks? Many of us would love to travel for 2 weeks, but there are a few things we have to pay for first, little things, like food, like rent/mortgage, like tuition, like insurance, like utilities............. So no, we don't get to have brilliant summer like you.

1ofbillions

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:03 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

Okay, this is epic.