Watch strangers’ sleeping kids?

Metukah

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 8:32 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

See this is different-

1 you’re doing the favor for someone you know and have an ongoing relationship with

2 you’re not already hosting a family of 6/7 with all that entails for the whole weekend!

Honestly I would charge like a pesach hotel for such full service! (Kidding, but I would set my limits, especially with ppl who just assume it would be ok because they will have zero appreciation)

And I’m the type to bh offer babysitting often as a favor but on this level I’m just offended that they feel it’s ok to ask

What is not clear about hachnosas orchim?Doing a favour for a friend is more for selfish reasons; increase the love etc... The mitzva of hachnosas orchim is to do it with no ulterior motives and not because you know/love the person.

I guess my brain just see it differently. Blame it on my upbringing.

My mother was quicker to host visitors she didn't know, who would have nowhere else to be than she would be to host friends/family for social reasons.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 8:51 pm

When she calls back tell her very nicely that you’d love to listen out for them while you’re up and having your seuda but you usually go to sleep by 11:00, and you won’t hear them from upstairs ... what does she want to do abt that ?

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 8:59 pm

I've been the guest with sleeping children. The only time I ever left my kids sleeping was when I was directly across the street and comfortable enough with the host to ask. If I were the host in your case, I'd say that I feel really bad, but I'm nervous that the kids will be scared if they wake up and the parents are so far away. If they still persist, I like the idea of saying, "we're all usually going to sleep by x o'clock..."

trixx

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 9:20 pm

Man I would barely even ask my mil to watch my sleeping baby and go to a friend in the building across the street on Fri night, when we stayed there for shab. I mean mil tried encouraging it but I came back only an hour later and wouldn't you know it, baby was up. I felt so bad. Never did it again.

abaker

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 9:59 pm

I still can't get past the idea of leaving my precious children at some random strangers home, who I just met right before candle lighting. Even though all yidden are one family, I just would not be comfortable with that.

As the host I'd say no to babysitting. They could hire a teen from the neighborhood to come watch the hopefully sleeping kids or bring them to the simcha.

amother

Wed, Jun 19 2019, 10:45 pm

OP here

Well my story took a funny turn. Last night when the woman called I told her I hoped it would work out but I needed to make sure that I hadn’t promised to host someone else’s guests this week. I told her I was going to get back to her today, and if she didn’t hear from me by the afternoon, she should call.
That’s how we left off.
I never heard from and hadn’t yet called her back as I was still debating the babysitting thing...
Around 9:15 ish there was a knock on the door and the woman’s daughter stood there with a bag for the guests and a gift for us.
She said ‘you’re hosting our guests, right? This bag is for them and this is for you...’
I was so taken aback I told her to tell her mother to call me.
She didn’t call.
I left her a message but didn’t hear back.
So I’m dan l’kaf z’chus that she forgot she was supposed to confirm with me today?
But I’m still not sure - maybe she would’ve found someplace else if I would’ve refused the babysitting.
I’m all confused.

amother

Tan

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:15 am

Years ago, when my sister made a Shabbos Bris in an area without an Eruv, my sister asked the family hosting us if their babysitter could watch my 4 month old while I went to the bris itself, and for the seudas, my mother and I (I was visiting from Israel with my 3 kids w/o DH) would take turns being with my baby. The hosts offered to babysit - with the understanding that I would come back at least once an hour. They had my baby in the dining room with them while they ate. I was okay with it, since my sister knew them well and told me that she had entrusted her kids to them - they had been the go-to neighbors for if she went to the hospital on Shabbos. It was a wonderful chessed which I will never forget!

The situation which OP describes is totally different for so many reasons! More kids, a long walk to the simcha etc. I , personally would not have been at all comfortable being on the receiving end of such a huge chessed. Suggest that the baalei simcha find somewhere for these guests to stay that is much closer to where they will be eating - for everyone's sake!

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They are totally expecting you to host and babysit. Sorry.

amother

Olive

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You are 100% being played here. The lady is not giving you a chance to say no. She is manipulating you onto a situation where you are watching a large family. It is not nice what she is doing to you.

1. You left off that she would confirm.

2. You told her daughter to tell her mom to call you.

3. You left a message.

If you want to be her schmatta, go ahead and call it a favor.

tichellady

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:46 am

PinkFridge wrote:

It's not weird that they asked but no one should ever feel pressure to say yes, no matter how "easy" the kids are, etc.

It’s totally weird to ask. I’m a generous person, I host people and will let people stay in our house when we are not home. There is no way I would want to leave my child with a stranger ( Jewish or not) on shabbos ( where you can’t easily reach via phone). That’s not normal. I would be wary of such people if they think this is a normal request.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Call her up. If she's not there, leave a message. Since you didn't confirm, I assumed that you no longer needed my home, and its no longer available. Mazel tov on your simcha.

If she calls in a panic, tell her that she should have confirmed. Then, if you want to be nice, tell her that you'll try to juggle so that her guests can stay, but that watching 4 or 5 strange kids is out of the question.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:49 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

No Jew is a complete stranger. We are all family, and we can all babysit each others' kids if all parties involved fully agree to the arrangement.

That's a lovely sentiment. But unfortunately, we all know that not all Jews are good people, and we wouldn't want all of them near our kids. Hedda Nussbaum and Joel Steinberg were Jewish (albeit not religious) you know.

33055

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 12:53 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

And Malka Leifer is frum.

SixOfWands

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:05 pm

watergirl wrote:

No she isn't.

Well, she sure claimed to be.

But in any case, you understand Squishy's point.

Its that covering your hair or collarbone or knees or whatever doesn't make you a good person. You can't necessarily trust someone with your kids because the wear the right clothes, or attend the right shul.

33055

Thu, Jun 20 2019, 1:05 pm

watergirl wrote:

No she isn't.

Do you mean that she isn't Shabbos observant, eats treiff, and doesn't go to mikvah? I am asking seriously. To me, she looks like a frum lady who covers her hair.

Are you saying she isn't frum because of her notoriety ?