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Forum -> Parenting our children
How do I create a secure attachment to my DD?



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 20 2019, 3:37 am
I'm feeling insecure right now because I took my DD, age 3 to playgroup and she would not leave me. She cried and I sat outside holding her for a few minutes before bringing her in. DH almost always brings her and she has no issues going but for the past few days I've been taking her and she's having separation anxiety from me.

She has serious stomach issues, she's always been complaining her stomach hurts her and her teacher told me that recently she's been complaining about it more and more in gan also. When her stomach hurts, I usually give her a huge hug and that makes it stop for a little while. The doctor and gastroenterologist can't find anything and I have an appointnment with an allergist but the pediatrician doesn't think that's it.

I'm beginning to think she has real anxiety. She attaches herself to anyone - we'll be walking outside and she'll run to her morah or speech therapist for a hug when she sees them. She moves really close to any conversations a mother is having with her own daughter and tries to join all the time.

She's all over my baby in a way-too-close, way-too-aggressive, touchy feely way. I can't leave them alone for a second or she'll be running her hands all over her, sticking her face seriously centimeters away from the baby. And this is not necessarily to hurt her, just inappropriate playing.

My husband and I said it seems like she's on speed. She gets giggling fits all the time of a wild, nervous giggle that just doesn't stop.... while she's bouncing around the room. Sometimes she just won't settle in bed and it's like she's wound up with batteries.

When playing with friends I have to sit with them for at least 20 mins to get her to settle with something and even then she's like a jack-in-the-box. The friend is playing and she can't focus for more than 3-4 minutes without walking away to see me, ask me a question, check what's going on... while the friend is still playing nicely. Eventually, the game doesn't last long because my DD can't focus.

Now I'm feeling insure because she keeps attaching to other people, is so unsettled, and is having separation anxiety only from me. How do I make sure I have a secure attachment with her?
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 20 2019, 4:35 am
Every kid is different.

When I first sent my son to mishpachton, I told him every morning: "We're going to Bruriah now. When we get there, you're going to stay and play with Bruriah and all your friends, and I'm going to say bye-bye and leave. You'll feel a little sad, because you want to be with me. I'm sad too, because I want to be with you. But at the end of the day, after nap time, I'll come and get you, and then we'll play together."

Maybe this would help?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 20 2019, 4:42 am
Thanks!

I actually do tell her this every day. I'm more worried because of the whole overall picture, not just gan.
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mochamix18




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 20 2019, 4:54 am
I’m not sure 🤔 if this is helpful but I have a gan in my home (2-3 year olds) and I have noticed this phenomenon when for example the father usually drops off and every once in a while the mother or vice versa. While some of it can be related to attachment (trust me, no matter how wonderful the ganenet, your child prefers you BH!), it can also be related to the change of routine. Children this age thrive on routine and expectation because they are still learning how the world works. When changes occur such the parent who doesn’t usually drop them off is dropping off today, or they generally get a banana for snack and today you sent an apple or a cucumber, I find it can really set them off.
An important thing to remember also, is your daughter is still very small and takes her cues from you. If she feels you are handing her over to someone you trust, she will trust them too and enter the gan more willingly. It’s good to make goodbye loving, short and sweet. “Mommy loves you and we’ll play and have ___(think of something special to look forward to, a popsicle, the park) at the end of the day. Have a fun day with Morah and your friends” then kiss her and hand her over. It’s ok if she cries a little, it’s normal and healthy. But of course tell the ganenet to call you if it’s for a prolonged period of time. In most cases it won’t be.
Good luck!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Jun 20 2019, 5:23 am
How old is your baby? One of my sons took months to adjust
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