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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Consequences that relate to actions



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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 23 2019, 10:10 pm
I hate just taking away things they like!!! It may feel painful and they realize what they did was wrong but I heard its a lot more effective if consequence is related to the misbehavior.

What are some appropriate effective consequences for...


1. deliberately disobeying ex: close that door so baby is not in danger
2. Speaking badly to a parent/ chutzpah
3. Hurting siblings
4. Throwing something at me
5. Taking something I said he couldn’t have
Feel free to offer more misbehaviors and consequences. My kids are under 8.

Thanks!
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 23 2019, 11:21 pm
For the under 8 crowd, I generally put the kid in a time out because they're not interacting appropriately/safely with others. Oftentimes I will give a warning, ie "I don't want to be around someone who is being rude to me. If you can be respectful, then you're welcome to stay, but if not, then I need you to go to your room until you can once again speak to me appropriately." Then afterwards I talk to the child and explain why their behavior is hurtful and help them problem solve what they should have done instead. I also have them write an apology letter from time to time, depending on the age. But how young are we talking here?
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sun, Jun 23 2019, 11:45 pm
Look into Love and Logic and Conscious Discipline for some ideas. Take what works and leave the rest. You need a consistent style of parenting.
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soap suds




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 1:26 am
nicole81 wrote:
For the under 8 crowd, I generally put the kid in a time out because they're not interacting appropriately/safely with others. Oftentimes I will give a warning, ie "I don't want to be around someone who is being rude to me. If you can be respectful, then you're welcome to stay, but if not, then I need you to go to your room until you can once again speak to me appropriately." Then afterwards I talk to the child and explain why their behavior is hurtful and help them problem solve what they should have done instead. I also have them write an apology letter from time to time, depending on the age. But how young are we talking here?

How do you get them to stay in time out? For one of my DS, timeout is just a springboard for more bad behavior (refusing to stay, kicking the door) - then what? Is there a consequence for that? It becomes a whole chain until he doesn't even remember what the original offense was.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 1:35 am
Read Positive Discipline
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 3:25 am
For nonverbal toddlers, autistic logistics has tons of behavioral strategies
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Mon, Jun 24 2019, 1:45 pm
Here are some ideas to try that might work if you are consistent with it for awhile.

1. deliberately disobeying ex: close that door so baby is not in danger.

I don't see this example as deliberately disobeying, but more like ignoring you. The under 8 year old probably doesn't really care about the baby being in danger. This one is hard, it depends on other factors. If you really need them to do the thing, then consider not letting them do anything else until that action is done, but it might lead to a power struggle which is not ideal.

2. Speaking badly to a parent/ chutzpah.

Explain to them that they are not talking respectful and that you will not listen to them until they talk to you respectfully. This does not mean to ignore them but just not to give in to their requests when they are not talking nicely. Keep repeating that you will listen to them once they start talking nicely.

3. Hurting siblings

He/She can't be in the same room as other if he/she can't treat others respectfully or get along with them - (I.e. timeout). Can either set a time limit, or tell them they can come back in when they think they can start getting along with others.

4. Throwing something at me

Take the thing away. If it is not something they care about - then they can't be in the same room as you - see 3 above.

5. Taking something I said he couldn’t have

He/She can't have it another time. If it is a food treat, consider saying the next time the other kids get this treat he/she won't get. If it is a toy - put it up high and confiscate for a period of time.
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