How to find your zivug when shadchonim are dishonest

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 1:04 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Going out with the guy for a couple months in different setting will help you see what he's like even without a shadchan. Everyone is nice, sweet, good looking, a good learner, has fine middos etc until you meet them and get to know them.

And some turn out to be better than advertised! But I totally agree that you have to date long enough to see the person in different moods, in different settings, and interacting with different people, to have a sense for what he's like.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 1:57 am

amother [ Powderblue ] wrote:

Sorry, rereading my post I realized it sounds pessimistic. That wasn't my intention. My husband is also a wonderful man BUT I knew what I was getting into because we dated and talked a lot for 4 months. Even if someone has good middos or has a wonderful heart, noone is perfect and it's always good to marry someone knowing what some of their flaws are.

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:55 pm

A well known speaker said that at chasunos there should be the opportunity for about an hour before the chasunah starts for young unmarried single men and woman to meet and socialize at the chasunoh hall.He recommended that there should be a mentor/shadchan to supervise such an arrangement. What do you all think about this?

singleagain

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why does there need to be someone supervising? That feels weird. Like I'm old enough to get married but I need a babysitter?

Just let them sit next to each other

amother

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 2:03 pm

It is not vital that someone is supervising. The speaker was saying this at a public shiur so he was probably erring on the side of caution as it was a new idea of his.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 2:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In our circles somebody looking to get married uses a shadchan. The problem is Shadchonim can be dishonest, leave out vital information or tell blatant lies. We have personal experience of this in the family. This leads to people wanting to find their shiduch without using a shadchan.
How can someone who wants to get married get honest up to date information about a perspective shiduch?

This shows you putting all your hope unto the shadchan aNd denying the role of G-d, which is the entire thing! Learn about emu nah and you’ll stop worrying about such things and realize it’s all G-d and He has many messengers! No shadchan can spoil what is supposed to happen!

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 3:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Lakewood has speed dating events. I know shodduchim and marriages came out of it. During one a guy drove a girl he met there to the airport. Got married...
But another guy I spoke to agreed that human nature is in play during quick meetings. Guys tend to gravitate to the prettier girls. It takes longer meetings or research to be interested in those that are not the most gorgeous. They make you speak to each person that meet going around a cycle so that you see personality and not just looks.

Shadchanim are on hand. It makes it easier for a guy who is shy to reach out. Especially following up after.