Where's all the Chesed in the world???

amother

Tangerine

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 6:49 pm

happyone wrote:

I'm totally with you. I am just trying to understand the need! my friend has two children with physical disabilities requiring a fully modified home and space for nursing care and equipment . it didnt make sense to install ceiling lifts and elevators and modified bathrooms in a rental, and so the community rav assisted with a down payment and the family assumes all responsibility for mortgage payments which actually was cheaper than rent. in that case, it made sense to give tzedaka to put that family on their feet to be self sufficient.

My community also gives out funds for modifications for physical disabilities. OP's kids don't sound like they have physical special needs.

It sounds like her kids are anxious and depressed because she lives in cramped not nice quarters. It sounds like OP is stressed to the max with her housing situation. This isn't helping her mother her kids.

Our shul helps out local families. Maybe OP can approach her shul. We're also have a neighborhood fund. Maybe this is another avenue. Also, there are individuals who sit I shul and write checks. Maybe she can have her husband approach one of those guys.

chestnut

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 6:59 pm

I only read the first and last pages, but it looks like the OP still hasn't specified what help she needs, except moving? I doubt it's only moving expenses and 1st month rent...
Any organization, and also people, can only help short term and want to know the plan for after.

ETA - I read all pages. OP, you still haven't clarified what kind of help you need. You just seem to be angry at your well to do siblings who aren't helping you in more significant ways.
Maybe you just wanted to vent and not seek advice. In this case, may you be blessed with adequate parnassa, health, and nachas from your kids!

Last edited by chestnut on Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:06 pm

gamanit wrote:

The private jewish-owned special ed schools don't teach religious studies at all, only general studies. They are allowed to teach the aleph beis and about Holidays because that's considered foreign language/culture, but that's it. They don't teach tefila or anything else. It is not fraud.

That may be true of schools for children with severe learning differences, but it most assuredly isn't true of all schools. Eg, Sinai absolutely teaches Jewish studies.

What's the advantage of a Jewish school if there are no Judaic studies?

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:09 pm

creditcards wrote:

I went to check out the public school class they wanted to put my daughter into with a very highly experienced BCBA that knew my daughter well ( she worked with my daughter). She said there is no way that class will even remotely meet her needs. It was like putting a 6 month old in a class with 3 year olds and expect her to sit with the kids in the class and expect her to understand what is being taught. It would be a waste of her time to even sit there and do her own thing.

You're talking about an inappropriate placement, which - sadly -- happens all too frequently.

That's not what I'm referring to.

I'm talking about an appropriate public placement vs. an appropriate placement in a private religious school. Because the government won't pay for the religious part, the public placement is cheaper to the parents.

amother

Red

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:24 pm

OP im sorry for what your going through. I didn't read all the comments so I might be repeating what was previously said. when I was in high school I was very into helping out families with special needs children. one such family was having a really really hard time financially and she begged me to try to help her. at first I was also thinking there are so many organisations for everything I'm sure theres one for money. but reality hit in, there's to many people in need. an organisation handing out significant checks to anyone who comes knocking is impossible in every sense of the word. and rich relatives have so many so many people they need to help out, as mentioned they feel like $100 or even $1000 would not be appropriated but the donations add up so quickly it would come out to more then they earn! my suggestion would be to find someone who can make a campaign or "tea party" for you. it might sound drastic but that's the only way to get the $50 plus $100 plus $75 to add up to a amount that can help you find a new house. people cant give more then that. organisations cant give more then that. there are wonderful organisations that can pay off your grocery bill, help out with therepy. so those dollars can be used for a new home instead. good luck

amother

Denim

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:46 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Sinai charges a fortune. I know kids who belonged (borderline) there but were mainstreamed because the parents couldn't afford it.

amother

Olive

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 7:48 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Someone can appreciate what she's given and also privately feel that her own dignity is worth more than what she was given. I totally understand what she's saying.

The key word being PRIVATELY.

gamanit

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:41 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

There are several advantages including knowing that there is very little chance of your child accidentally eating treif plus the culture they teach is jewish culture instead of general.

creditcards

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 10:53 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

That's right. I was explaining that it's not so simple to just move and get schooling in Lakewood or any other place. I needed to do it with a lawyer. My daughter doesn't learn anything newish in school. She has Jewish teachers but that's about it.

creditcards

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:01 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

My daughter doesn't learn anything Jewish in school.
And why would it be fraud if they did an arts n crafts about yomtov or the parsha instead of about recycling or the seasons? It doesn't cost more for the school to talk a little about Jewish holidays ?
My daughter made a decoration before succos but they weren't told that they can hang it in the succah and it had no Jewish words on it. Why would it be more expensive for the school if the teacher told them that it's a succah decoration. We are talking about special needs kids. There is not much they are capable of learning anyways.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:05 pm

creditcards wrote:

My daughter doesn't learn anything Jewish in school.
And why would it be fraud if they did an arts n crafts about him to or the parsha instead of recycling or the seasons? It doesn't cost more for the school to talk a little about Jewish holidays ?

How is this different than the govt-funded spcl ed schools in ny? Sounds like similar services are available in both locations with the bonus that lkwd has a lot more affordable housing.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:20 pm

creditcards wrote:

Not every child with learning differences is incapable of serious learning. My friend’s son with very serious learning differences just graduated from college, and has a job mentoring underprivileged youth. Another boy we know with learning differences is apprenticing as a plumber. There are even a substantial number of kids referred to as “twice gifted”— special needs and intellectually gifted.

Tax dollars in the US are not used for religious education. Separation of church and state. Do you want to pay for Muslim children to learn in a madrassa?

sneakermom

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:23 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Seriously, she's venting here, NOT to the people who have donated to her. Let someone in pain share her human feelings.

This.

Op I really feel for you. You are suffering so much and wish others would get what it’s like.

When you’re in a sinking ship and yelling for help and somebody throws you a floaty toy it’s like a slap in the face.

Sending you love and warm wishes.

amother

Wed, Jun 26 2019, 11:45 pm

I will answer each question asked later, when I have 'extra time'!

I wanna 'Thank again' for all the heartwarming responses and leads for actual help.
I will call out your names later so you know how much I appreciate your thoughtful post of Chizuk.
Sneakermom and Amber, your statement is so right. Thanks for understanding.

I wanna just let you know that we have many non-typical challenges in addition to living in a tiny apartment and having special children.
I am ready to put myself out naked and tell you our inside story, to those who are ready to help out IRL. Some of you might try to figure out who I am so I don't want to post my story on a public forum. You can email me at: Tizki.Lmitzvos@gmail.com

At the moment Bh my special needs children are pretty much settled into schools and I do take girl volunteers to take them out. It helps out physically but it's not the solution to our main issue.

creditcards

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 12:59 am

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

How is this different than the govt-funded spcl ed schools in ny? Sounds like similar services are available in both locations with the bonus that lkwd has a lot more affordable housing.

I was lucky that I moved when my daughter was 2 and a half. She wasn't settled in any school yet. I went through a lot to get my daughter settled with school and therapy in Lakewood. In the end it worked out well for me. I moved from NY. Whoever heard that I'm moving told me I'm crazy for moving. I can imagine if OP has multiple special needs kids and each one might need different needs it would be even harder to uproot them and start from scratch. It might be doable but OP needs to be emotionally ready to be able to deal with it.
The difference is that in NY the services are handed to you on a silver platter, and in Lakewood you can go through hell to get what you need. In NY I was able to get tons of therapy through EI. In NJ I needed to pay for expensive insurance so my daughter can get therapy that EI refused to cover.

Last edited by creditcards on Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:10 am; edited 1 time in total

creditcards

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:07 am

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

I understand but many special needs schools that have only Jewish kids in the class and the teacher throws in some comments about yiddishkeit, I wouldn't necessarily consider that fraud. It's not costing the BOE any more money because of that. I wanted my daughter's teacher to make brochos with her. They said that they are only allowed to help her if she starts herself. Would you consider it fraud if the teacher decided on her own to make brochos with my daughter even if it's technically not allowed? What exactly is the BOE losing out? Am I using up any funds for the wrong thing?

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 6:46 am

Because it is illegal. Separation of church and state. They could (rightfully) be sued. They would lose. It's like being a mandated reporter. If they were found out they would lose their job and their teaching license.

You may not like it, but this policy is why Jews have it so good here in America.

In any case, government money that comes from taxpayers will not be used to fund religious stuff.

amother

Aqua

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 7:08 am

Hi OP,
I didn't read all the comments so please forgive me if this was already said.
My heart goes out to you for your situation, I am also a parent of a special child, along with many many medical issues of my own. Most times we are in the red due to the exorbitant amount of money that is due every month. We are so appreciative of everything that is given to us- whether it's food, clothing, help with utility bills, or even small amounts of money here and there. Although I cannot give you hundreds of thousands of dollars to fund your house purchase, I would be more than happy to give you clothing that no longer fits my 2 boys. I can also refer you to some organizations who have helped my family.
In regards to a home purchase, I would suggest looking into an FHA loan which allows for a very small down payment. If looking to rent, apply for every affordable housing lottery out there- you never know when you'll win and for all you know, a community could pop up in the meantime.
Good luck!

imorethanamother

Mon, Jul 01 2019, 5:34 pm

DVOM wrote:

We also have a triple layer bunk bed, complete with built in shelving for each bed, that my husband designed and built so that each of our kids could have thier own designated 'space' while living four in a room. We even put up curtains for each of the bunks, so the kids could pull thier curtains closed and make thier space even more private. Since we bought and moved to our house we dismantled it and it's now hanging out in peices in our basement. Would you like to borrow it? Until you move to a larger home, it can really free up floor space and give each kid a cozy den to call thier own.

Whoever you are, DVOM, I sincerely adore you. Mi keamcha yisroel.