S/o shailos about names

amother

Linen

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 7:57 am

We generally don't ask, but don't knock it, shailas can definitely come up! The one time we asked, was because we wanted to use a name that had the same shoresh as a name we had already used. We were told no. Also, while naming conventions are mostly minhag, minhag is strong and there can be halachik questions regarding minhag. In my family, it's acceptable to name girls after male relatives and boys after female relatives. In dhs family, this isn't done. So far we've only had boys. I can't keep having baby after baby hoping for a girl, I think I'm going to be done for good after one or two more. Dh agreed that if we have a boy again, he's going to ask a shaila about naming for female relatives, because we're running out of opportunities to do that.

amother

Blonde

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:11 am

Angel wrote:

As a smart person with more understanding and experience. I dont think there is any halachic perspective to it.

Exactly this. We run our short-list of names by my husband's Rebbe for this reason. There's knowledge and wisdom that comes from being immersed in torah.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:25 am

I think the bigger question which I would like to hear opinions about is what are the difference opinions regarding naming after someone. Why is it done? What does it do for the neshama of the deceased and the connection to the new born. When did the minhag start? What are the sources that say the whole name needs to be used all the time. Why would this matter?
Would love to hear answers on this.

amother

Copper

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:37 am

There are very few repeated names in Tanach. None of Yaakov Avinu's sons named their children Avraham. Strange, no? Hardly any Tannaim or Amoraim have names from Tanach. The custom of naming for the dead doesn't seem to go back before the middle ages, and it certainly wasn't universal.

It's something that people like to do. We named our children after our grandparents. But you don't have to. And you certainly don't have to get all worked up about whose turn it is and whether the name is an exact match.

keym

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 8:53 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Though we do have through the gemara, children being named after grandparents. Often called Abba or Avi Mori (Bar Pupa). Meaning the child was named Pupa's father's name and called Avi Mori.

I was also told that 1000 years ago, someone had a father Meir and father in law Uri and wanted to name for both. Named Schneur- shnei ohr- 2 lights.

And then there was the story with Alexander the Great. And Rabbi Shimon? (I forget. Please correct me) that was rewarded with all the baby boys of that generation being named Alexander.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:02 am

keym wrote:

Rabbi Shimon HaTzadik. I believe, the one mentioned in Pirkei Avos, from the last of the Anshei Knesses HaGedolah...

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:07 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

You definitely see names repeated in the Mishna. Like there's Hillel and Hillel Hasheini. There's a few generations of R' Shimon Ben Gamliel, the first, the 2nd, etc...So it does seem that people had family names that got used thru the generations.

amother

Maroon

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:24 am

I asked when my daughter was born. We had a very interesting situation. We had planned to give her a certain name, and since it was from my husband's side, he told his parents before Shabbos what the name was going to be, because they were not going to be there when we named her. they had a fit, that we can't use those names. ( We were combining two names) So we ended up not naming her that Shabbos. In the meantime my step grandmother passed away, and we had a girl who was not named. We had to push up her kiddush, and we ended up speaking to a well-known Rabbi who told us that we should just named her whatever we want, and not tell anybody the name before. And that I don't have any obligation to named after my step-grandmother, although she was the grandmother I know. I actually couldn't use her name because my other grandmother has the same one, but I felt bad . He also told me that a name is mine and my husband's decision and NOBODY else has any say at all ever in it. In the end I named after a grandmother, but I added ahuva and told them that my step grandmother was very beloved to me. I personally don't ask a shaila usually but this was a very unusual situation. Anonymous for obvious reasons.

Chayalle

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:40 am

amother [ Amethyst ] wrote:

Sorta OT....Anyone who went to the same high school as me in same time period is gonna remember this...

We did a whole project on our names, who we were named for or why our parents chose the name.

I remember our teacher taught us that when Yaakov struggled with the Malach of Eisav and let him go, he asked him for his name, and the angel replied "Lamah Zeh Tishal Lishmi?" - why do you want to know?

She said that a name implies an essence. If we would know the name of the Angel we would understand his essence and know how to combat it thru all the generations.

But the angel said - I don't keep the same name, I change in every generation. Every generation will have a different challenge, and will need a new approach to dealing with Eisav.

We also learned (I forget who says this) that when we name a child after someone, the child gets a Hashpaah from that person. That's why it's important to name the child after someone whom we would want them to get a hashpaah from.

The way I learned it, it was more about the child than about the deceased.

amother

Red

Tue, Jul 09 2019, 9:43 am

Chayalle wrote:

This is why I’m hesitant to use my grandmother’s name. She wasn’t shomer shabbos. Luckily I had a boy this time so I didn’t have to deal with it.