To better oneself | Imamother

amother

Mon, Jul 15 2019, 4:55 am

I would really rather put this in working on our middos, but for some reason it's a private group.

Is the want to better oneself human nature or each individual? What I'm going to write now is kind of answering it, but I want to hear from others. I try to better myself. If I notice something I don't like about myself, I work on it, but my dh is not like that. If he sees something wrong with him or someone else points it out, he'll say, well that's me.

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 15 2019, 5:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not sure if I get your question. Are you asking, is it possible that someone really doesn't want to better himself? So I should just give up?

If you are, I think you might need to work on acceptance. Detachment. Like, if your husband asks you, do you think I'm xyz, you can say, and if you are, how does that impact you? Other relationships? Work?

Don't make it about you and your respect for him, or lack thereof. Make it about having a better life, and don't bring it up yourself.

I hope this post was constructive and gets the conversation going.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 7:33 am

PinkFridge wrote:

No, I'm more trying to figure out if it's normal not to care about being better. I don't understand it. It only affects me because it's negative things

ShishKabob

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 7:56 am

It sounds like most women here are clueless about men and their egos. Most men will never ever admit something to their spouse if they feel it diminishes their ego in any sense. Unless of course he messed up so badly that there's no other choice and that's the only way back to home base.
Women are more aware that they need to improve I think, unless a guy is learning mussar.
A womans job is not to point out her dh's failings. She is there to help him when he wants to improve.
Bhatzlocha

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 8:04 am

Op, so you live in my house?
We are the same. Is it normal? I have no idea, but I don't think it is super uncommon.
It frustrates me at time, but I am aware that I have my faults-plenty of them, too.
In my opinion, in most relatively healthy-non abusive marriages, you have a choice, you can focus on the positive and be thankful for all the wonderful aspects or your marriage, or you can focus on the negative, lose respect, be resentful, and have a home filled with animosity.

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 8:13 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

In my opinion, in most relatively healthy-non abusive marriages, you have a choice, you can focus on the positive and be thankful for all the wonderful aspects or your marriage, or you can focus on the negative, lose respect, be resentful, and have a home filled with animosity.

Yep.

amother

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 8:21 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

I agree and do that, but it's getting so hard because like I told him, I never noticed it much or as he gets older, he's getting worse.

PinkFridge

Tue, Jul 16 2019, 12:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree and do that, but it's getting so hard because like I told him, I never noticed it much or as he gets older, he's getting worse.

Hugs!
Can you focus on his good traits?