Clueless guests | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:19 pm

I love cooking and hosting. I don't know a nice way to tell guests it is time to leave the table. My health isn't the best, and I need my rest. I can't stay up all hours of the night entertaining. DH doesn't want to be at the table with female guests without me there.

I get calls from single women wanting to come for Shabbos, and I don't know how to handle this. All my guests know my health is poor. I try hinting that I am need to go to sleep. I end up telling them they can't come, and then I feel bad.

Is there a polite way of telling guests they need to leave the table when I need to leave the table? Is it better just to avoid having single females?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:21 pm

You and dh both need to stand up and walk towards the door saying "it was a pleasure having you, thank you so much for coming." Open the door with a smile.

rainbow dash

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:33 pm

Before they come tell them with or without an explanation that straight after the meal you and your dh go to sleep and that they will have to leave then.

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:36 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

You and dh both need to stand up and walk towards the door saying "it was a pleasure having you, thank you so much for coming." Open the door with a smile.

And then DH sneaks back to the table?

I need to balance DH's needs with strangers'. DH enjoys lingering at these Shabbos table. Hs doesn't enjoy socializing with single females. It isn't fair to force him to curtail his Shabbos.

I feel bad because often they don't have a place to go. I end up turning them down when they ask.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:40 pm

How long is your meal? What time do you want to go to sleep? I think these people who are asking for invites are just really in. Red of company but yes you and your health is important so I would say at this time I take a nap. And then when it’s that time excuse yourself and say thanks for coming.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Who is he lingering with if you're not at the table?

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:51 pm

rainbow dash wrote:

Before they come tell them with or without an explanation that straight after the meal you and your dh go to sleep and that they will have to leave then.

DH doesn't want to leave the table.

Rachel Shira

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Anyone else who is there. Sometimes he sits and learns.

Other guests? You can’t ask female guests to leave while the male guests stay. Or if it’s family members, the meal should end at the point you want guests to leave and your DH and your kids or whoever can hang out after the meal is over.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If the guests have LEFT then I dont get why he has to sneak back to the table. he can just walk. they arent there- they dont see.

Im confused though. When you want your female guests to leave - is the meal over or not? If the meal is over, then everyone leaves. all guests. If the meal is not over and only you yourself are leaving the table because your tired it seems a bit rude to call your female guests "clueless" expecting them to suddenly up and leave the table with you while everyone else stays and its clearly the middle of the meal still.
Im trying to figure out how this scenario is playing out but I dont quite seem to get it.

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 5:59 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

My meal could be an hour or three. I need to lay down when I don't feel well. There's no predicting it. I can push myself until benching by rushing things. I can

I know these ladies need company. I know they need a place to go. I wish they were tactful and left the table when the hostess does. I would think that they don't want to socialize without the wife.

Rachel Shira

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:01 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you’re leaving the meal at any random time while there is still food on the table and they haven’t benched, they’re not being clueless by staying. It’s not reasonable to expect that they will leave the table when you do unless the meal is obviously over.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:01 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

I agree. If there are other guests he shouldn't feel like he's entertaining the females. If there aren't other guests, he can do whatever he wants. There's nothing sneaky about walking the guests out and then sitting and talking as a family, or learning at the table.

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:04 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

How should I get the guests to leave, so they can hang out without the females?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How should I get the guests to leave, so they can hang out without the females?

Bentch, say thanks for coming, walk to the door and open it.

amother

Bisque

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

so your leaving in the middle of the meal? I get that you need to lie down, but please rethink your way of viewing these poor guests. They aren't being UN tactful by not leaving at the exact same time that you do. In fact in the middle of the meal, they are probably feeling uncomf since they know its rude to leave a table in the middle of a meal, and yet they dont have any woman to socialize with.

amother

Sun, Jul 21 2019, 6:30 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

I push it to the end of the meal. I may end up on the couch. I usually can make it to benching.

I understand the ladies' POV. They are asking to come. They want to socialize and relax. Things changed since I got sick. I understand DH. He doesn't want to be uncomfortable in his own house. DH tells me I can invite all the ladies I want; but he does not want to be responsible to entertain them.