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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Dd supposed to be counselor in camp- had surgery...
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Rachel Shira




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 7:00 pm
Camps always want all the staff they were counting on and make all sorts of promises, but when it comes down to it she will not be able to take it easy. The camp will figure it out.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 7:38 pm
Of course camp is saying to come. They’re going to have a hard time replacing her this close to camp.
The decision is yours.
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 8:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
DD (18)had ankle surgery 2 weeks, ago- the doctor had made it sound like dd would be able to walk in time for camp, but wearing a boot. Well camp- she is supposed to be a counselor- is next week and doctor now say another 2 weeks of no weight on the foot at all. Doctor said she could go to camp- but I am not exactly sure the doctor understands what overnight camp is. DD says no way can she be a good counselor on crutches or knee scooter and the camp has lots of steps and gets muddy when it rains. Not even sure the bathrooms are big enough for her not to put her foot down. Aside from the fact that dd still has some pain especially at the end of the day.
dh and I had an argument over this and he said- fine do what you want... I hate that!! We emailed the camp right after the appt. to share what the doctor said and camp said they would make it work. DD worried about not being an effective counselor and the pain, I worry about the healing process and her falling and the camp is not ADA friendly... I asked the head counselor to call dd to discuss logistics- still waiting for that(dh just left for shul, so now would be a really good time!).
DD wants to back out of the whole thing- I say no way- maybe camp will let you come a week late once you are allowed to use that foot( I have no idea how painful that will be after not using her foot for 4 weeks.) But doctor gave the ok to it....
Not sure what I am asking for here- maybe validation to not force dd to go up to camp being on crutches and non weightbearing. At first I was like no big deal, but the more I think about her trying to manage(she has a hard enough time in our house) the more naseous/nervous I get about camp. I think if dd were gungho about it, I would not be so worried, but dd was a counselor there last year so she knows what to expect and the limitations she will have.
Ugh and I also hate having arguments with dh...


She absolutely should not go! I had ankle surgery and everyone heals differently, she will likely have pain, have difficulty doing all the activities and duties she will be responsible to do! It’s crazy to expect her to be able to do this so soon after surgery!
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 8:59 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks for the advice..wish the doctor would have flat out said no, but I think she felt bad...


Many times mothers intuition is better than doctors advice.
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 9:09 pm
Doc saying 'she can go to camp' after a 2 week post-op checkup is saying 'the recovery is going well, not likely going to need follow-up care in the next 4 weeks'.

That's about all he is saying.
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shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 9:32 pm
Imagine if one of our fellow Imamothers had the same procedure. She would say "I just don't know how to handle [fill in home / work / social responsibilities] like I usually do."

She would get a few dozen responses instructing her to pay the cost of household help, order takeout meals and learn to be ok with disposable plates on Shabbos until she was back to herself. (Some of our great nishei chesed Imamothers would actually offer to provide assistance.)

Your daughter should get comparable attention for her needs - that doesn't fit with being a counselor.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Sun, Jul 21 2019, 11:09 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My bigget problem is why did the doctor give her an all clear- that is my first phone call in the morning!! Before the surgery the doctor also said not a problem for camp. I was so overwhelmed when we were in the office on Thursday I was not thinking straight- of course camp starts on Tuesday- I am so angry with myself for not being focused enough at the appointment!

I was hoping the head counselor would say don't come- but they seem to really want dd with whatever she can do...


For some reason a lot of doctors seem to like to minimize the affects of whatever surgery they are doing. I had that when my dd had surgery, the doctor told me she would be back in school the next day, but it was absolutely impossible for her to go back for the next two weeks. My friends son just had a procedure done and they were told the same thing, no pain, back to normal the next day. He had A LOT of pain and wasn't back to normal a week later.

I don't know why they do this, but I've heard it so many times. Listen to the posters who've gone through similar surgeries and are telling you she shouldn't go to camp. They been through it so they know what they're talking about.
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champion




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 1:50 am
There seems to be three issues here
1) Dd deciding with the aid of parents and doctors whether she should go to camp or not
2) Mother fighting with Daddy over this issue.
3) The stress Dd is feeling as a result of the fighting
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 7:31 am
shirachadasha wrote:
Imagine if one of our fellow Imamothers had the same procedure. She would say "I just don't know how to handle [fill in home / work / social responsibilities] like I usually do."

She would get a few dozen responses instructing her to pay the cost of household help, order takeout meals and learn to be ok with disposable plates on Shabbos until she was back to herself. (Some of our great nishei chesed Imamothers would actually offer to provide assistance.)

Your daughter should get comparable attention for her needs - that doesn't fit with being a counselor.


Lol. I actually recently broke my foot and was off it for 2 weeks. I was not really able to cut down on my work duties or shabbos hosting. (shabbos hosting is part of my job). My cleaning lady was not able to come any more hours and the thought of training in someone new makes my heart sink. No takeout where I live although I did make simpler meals.

I pretty much carried on as normal. The only thing I stopped doing was walking to places and workouts. I went to simchas, end of year school events etc. I got a knee scooter to help. My husband and kids helped out more then normal.

BH it wasn't a very bad injury and once I could put weight on my foot, things were a lot easier. But I didn't really get any type of vacation from my life.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:52 am
Amother tangerine, I feel bad for you that you did not get the break (pardon the pun!) That you deserved, but I want to point out that surgery recovery is a little different.

I've had experience with both, and recovery from surgery is more difficult. The body experiences a trauma from surgery and anesthesia and I found that it just takes longer to heal and "get your act together ".
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:46 pm
Just to follow up- after a long day/night and day again.. dd spoke to the head counselor and told her she just does not feel safe, comfortable or able to do the requirements expected of her as a counselor. The head counselor totally understood and was very kind about it. She said, this would not affect how camp would think of her because it was beyond her control. Whcich made dd feel better. Both dd and the H.counselor agreed to be in touch next week once dd can walk and see if there is a chance that dd will be needed.
I joked with dd that the the camp will be able to get a counselor for only 2 weeks and then they will need her for the rest of the summer, which is when she can walk again : ).

Today was the first day dd was allowed to get her foot wet- I can not imagine her even trying to shower or use the bathroom in camp. She also tripped going down 2 steps in our house and we also had a huge rainstorm. Tried to picture her in crutches in mud and a rain poncho. It would not have been good. I think Hashem sent her messages to show her she made the right decision.

dd is sad about not going to camp, but believes in her decision. DH finally got on board and told dd in a loving way that this decision is really hers and she has to feel comfortable.
Now maybe I can get a good night sleep. Smile

Thank you everyone for keeping things focused and logical!!!
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:10 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just to follow up- after a long day/night and day again.. dd spoke to the head counselor and told her she just does not feel safe, comfortable or able to do the requirements expected of her as a counselor. The head counselor totally understood and was very kind about it. She said, this would not affect how camp would think of her because it was beyond her control. Whcich made dd feel better. Both dd and the H.counselor agreed to be in touch next week once dd can walk and see if there is a chance that dd will be needed.
I joked with dd that the the camp will be able to get a counselor for only 2 weeks and then they will need her for the rest of the summer, which is when she can walk again : ).

Today was the first day dd was allowed to get her foot wet- I can not imagine her even trying to shower or use the bathroom in camp. She also tripped going down 2 steps in our house and we also had a huge rainstorm. Tried to picture her in crutches in mud and a rain poncho. It would not have been good. I think Hashem sent her messages to show her she made the right decision.

dd is sad about not going to camp, but believes in her decision. DH finally got on board and told dd in a loving way that this decision is really hers and she has to feel comfortable.
Now maybe I can get a good night sleep. Smile

Thank you everyone for keeping things focused and logical!!!


I'm happy for you that you worked it out! I think she made the right decision. A thing to keep in mind is that she should not expect to be walking normally as soon as she's allowed to put weight on it. It's a process and it's not easy. The boot is a million times better than the post op splint/cast, but it is still heavy and cumbersome. She'll need physical therapy. I worry at the thought of a girl having her hopes and expectations slashed and being miserable because of it.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 8:38 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just to follow up- after a long day/night and day again.. dd spoke to the head counselor and told her she just does not feel safe, comfortable or able to do the requirements expected of her as a counselor.


Kol hakavod! Did you say she's going to seminary this year? I think you can really be proud and trust her judgment and exhale. Applies if she's going into 12th grade too.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jul 23 2019, 10:31 am
PinkFridge wrote:
Kol hakavod! Did you say she's going to seminary this year? I think you can really be proud and trust her judgment and exhale. Applies if she's going into 12th grade too.

She is going to seminary....she knows herself well. But its the worry of disappointing others which she puts on herself that throws her off. I always tell her, you need to do whats best for you especially when it comes to health, yiu are the only one who knows how you feel...its her jewish guilt factor that creeps in Sad
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