Clueless guests | Imamother

amother

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:24 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

I posted several times asking posters to please stop asking you to defend why your DH doesn't want to leave and to concentrate on helping you communicate with your guests ahead of time, so you're welcome for that

What is it about Seashell's post that was so much better than the many posts before hers saying the same thing, if not for the script aspect?

She is a nice person.

urban gypsy

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:25 pm

chestnut wrote:

I have no patience checking 10+ pages, but I'm pretty sure you didn't mention they're modern/bt.
Forget about these women for a second. When you leave the table, couples stay, correct? Your husband has no problem with the wives - why? Because they're quiet?
If these women were talking to those wives at the table, without you, it would be OK? It's when they engage in conversations that it becomes a problem?
When they engage in conversation while you are there, it's ok? Once you leave, but other wives are still there, they can't talk to your husband?

If wives are there, that means men are there by default, and her DH will talk to them
The problem is her DH with women only, that would ONLY happen if there were singles

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He doesn't learn with married women at the table either.

I don't invite over the single ladies. I have no communication with them at all unless they want to come here for Shabbos.

He doesn't learn when they're at the table. BUT HE DOES CONTINUE TALKING WHEN THE OTHER MARRIED WOMEN ARE AT THE TABLE.

Why do you keep making circles around this point?

ETA:
So if that is a problem for you, there isn't really a solution because it simply doesn't make sense. If the issue is just them staying when all the other women have left, that can be explained so easily in advance. Really no biggie.

urban gypsy

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:26 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She is a nice person.

Okay. Rainbow dash, Aquamarine, Seagreen, dancingqueen, Bisque, Royalblue, chestnut, creditcards, Oak, sarahmalka, WhatFor, Purple, and groovy, let it be known that OP thinks you are NOT NICE PEOPLE therefore your opinions DON'T COUNT LOL

amother

Bronze

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Seashells didn't write a script for me. You are particularly antagonistic coming up with ridiculous suggestions that DH leave instead of the guests. Why do you have problems understanding that DH's feelings come waaaay before random strangers in his house?

There's nothing ridiculous about expecting a host to make his guests comfortable. Since he's not willing to make the effort - and indeed, it's his house and he has the right to put himself first - then you should not host.

I don't have a problem understanding that he wants to put his feelings first. Why do you have a problem understanding that if he puts his feelings first, his guests will be uncomfortable?

amother

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:30 pm

chestnut wrote:

Where is this coming from that the wives are quiet?

amother

Black

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She is a nice person.

I might point out, OP, that literally the title of your post is an insult to innocent people who probably had no intention to make anyone uncomfortable, but just didn't realize that your DH had this preference. You could have called it "How can I explain to my guests" but you chose to label THEM clueless. Maybe think about that while you decide who is nice and who isn't.

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where is this coming from that the wives are quiet?

Please just answer this question.

Why are married women okay and not unmarried women?

amother

Lavender

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Where is this coming from that the wives are quiet?

She's just being dlkz why you're differentiating between the married and unmarried women, and what she's come up with is that perhaps they're talking more to the men.

We're wracking our brains to understand.

SixOfWands

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wrote early on that they are modern/BT. Many of these ladies are strangers, so I couldn't tell you if they are at risk or OTD. Some are guests of prior guests.

If they are chatting with married women, there aren't any issues.

Look, I'm glad that you found your answer.

But what's the difference between the single women chatting with married women, and single women reading on the couch? Or, for that matter, between single and married women being in the room with him, in your absence.

Quote:

Besides we have an open floor plan, and this won't work. We can't get them to get up from the couches in the dining room. What do you say to them when they say they want to read?

Quote:

It doesn't matter if it is called entertaining. DH does not have to be uncomfortable. He doesn't want to be in a room with single women.

Is this really so hard to understand?

chestnut

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:35 pm

urban gypsy wrote:

Halevai, it should be our biggest problem.

amother

Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:35 pm

amother [ Bronze ] wrote:

Then let the guests stay home. DH comes first. As I said, the only relationship I have with these guests are when they want to come for Shabbos.