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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
This situation sounds ridiculous
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strawberry cola




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 10:46 am
Kiev Synagogue and Community
Rabbi Yaakov Bleich

29 Shekavitskaya

Kyiv, Ukraine
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be good




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:16 am
can you buy separate bottled water and make it clear that you will not be using the communal water?
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:18 am
I’m familiar with where the shuls are. Don’t see what this has to do with the situation. It’s not a Jewish problem (no one is targeting me for being Jewish) or even a tourist problem (I’m a Ukrainian citizen). It’s a human interaction problem, which is why I put it under manners and etiquette.

It’s really frustrating to be gaslighted like this. No one could drink *an entire cooler* in one day, and yet this is what the person has everyone believing about me. I have tried to be a good roommate/flatmate, and I’m a communicator by nature. Several times I’ve conveyed that I have no problem paying for water (for everyone!). The issue is the lying, sabotage, and gaslighting.

Also, the people recommending a hotel — definitely can’t afford that.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:23 am
be good wrote:
can you buy separate bottled water and make it clear that you will not be using the communal water?


I’ve been doing that, but it’s extremely inconvenient, and it hasn’t done anything to squelch the “sequoia drank all the water” narrative. Crying
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:25 am
ты можешь задушить его подушкой во сне [

Lol... I grew up in Brighton Beach
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:27 am
naturalmom5 wrote:
ты можешь задушить его подушкой во сне [



Lol... that’s a radical solution.

Also, for the person giving me info about Belarus — that’s a different country Smile
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egam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:30 am
Does this person want your room for someone else by any chance?

Are you the only one frum there? Unfortunately some non observant Jews sometimes more hostile to frum people than non Jews.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 11:35 am
It may not be a "Jewish Problem", but the Jewish contacts should be sympathetic to another Jew in need, and might be able to suggest another housing solution for you. They may know someone who knows someone who needs a roommate.

It is not a good idea for a healthy person to live in a toxic environment, never mind someone who's been having health challenges. If you are living with passive aggressive stress, it will take you 100x longer to get better.

I know you're probably not feeling up to being confrontational. Still, it might be a good idea to just ask this person "Is there something I've done to offend you? I get the feeling that you don't like having me around, and I'd like to know what I can do to fix this." This will put the other person on the spot, and will give you the high ground of being the more cooperative person.

Wishing you lots of health and peace. Hug
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 12:34 pm
You’re right.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 12:39 pm
The way she is acting IS ridiculous. Kill her with kindness. Whether it helps or not. So sorry you are dealing with this. Hug I hope this trip turns around and that you enjoy it!

Last edited by ra_mom on Mon, Jul 22 2019, 4:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 1:05 pm
if you have no other choice but to stay there, I would be very friendly and cheerful to everyone, even more so than usual. It will gradually become harder and harder for people to believe negative ideas about you and they will eventually turn on the other person. It may take time, but it will inevitably work.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:15 pm
Are the other roommates stupid? Otherwise how is it possible that they believe that one person drank all the water?

Have the others been negative toward you as a result of this person's claim? If not, maybe they don't really believe him/her but just don't feel like arguing.
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egam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:23 pm
Maybe you should remind your roommates that На воре шапка горит?
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:30 pm
egam wrote:
Maybe you should remind your roommates that На воре шапка горит?


Precisely
He who smelled it
Dealt it
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egam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 2:44 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
Are the other roommates stupid? Otherwise how is it possible that they believe that one person drank all the water?

Have the others been negative toward you as a result of this person's claim? If not, maybe they don't really believe him/her but just don't feel like arguing.


I don’t think they think she’s necessarily drinking all of it. They might be thinking she’s hoarding it, stealing it, selling it. Who knows what’s in their heads?
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 7:50 pm
sequoia wrote:
But it is really affecting me, I can’t sleep and I’m having other physical symptoms Sad

I’m staying in Kiev in an apartment with a bunch of people. One of the people is not happy I’m here. So they’re taking water out of the cooler to their room, and then telling everyone that I drank it, and left the whole house without water.

And everyone believes them because they’ve been here longer.

I drink a lot of water, but even I’m not capable of drinking ten liters in one afternoon.

This person is kind of “slimy,” very non-communicative, but makes their disdain for me very clear.

I have to find a more permanent place to stay, but I’ve been feeling so awful I don’t have the strength to go and look at rooms/apts, make decisions.

It sounds so ridiculous that someone would do this, but it’s actually very distressing.


[nasty comment removed and amother punished]
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cbsp




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 7:55 pm
Deleted.

Last edited by cbsp on Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:30 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:21 pm
really bizarre
sorry you have to deal with this
ugh - if I had to stay id fill the cooler while laughing that someone is veeeery confused at best -- unless thats their game to get you to take on the water filling all the time!
and try to find the least offensive person there to brainstorm with and ally -- or just ally its not always helpful to lend energy to absurd baseless mean accusations which are not rational
hatzlocha finding a better place, id contact the rabbis and see if they know of a better situation if it were me but you know what works best for you.
and it may not be about you or personally not liking you yourself but rather like a bully picking on the newest/weakest member regardless of who he or she is. If it weren't about this dumb accusation it would be about something else.
thats how bullies operate in every group setting
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Metukah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:32 pm
Sequoia that situation sounds awful. I agree with the others that as hard as it is the only way to sort it is to kill him/her with kindness.
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Metukah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 22 2019, 8:33 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
[nasty comment removed and amother punished]


I'm curious as to what the nasty comment was, but even more curious what the punishment was. Surprised
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