Great comebacks you thought of too late

tigerwife

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 11:30 pm

Come on, I know you know the feeling... when that witty, sharp, perfectly marked response formulates in your brain just your perpetrator of offensive smugness has exited the conversation.

For example:
“Mr. Pseudonym, if you call me “my love” one more time, I will sue you for harassment. We are having a conversation about millions of dollars in (my field) so please give it the respect it deserves. If you are unable speak to me respectfully, then I will be forced to have this conversation with another party.”

What I actually said:
Nothing. I’m struck speechless every time the lack of professionalism comes up and instead I loudly ignore the bothersome comment and move onward. Furthermore, I’ve requested to cease communication with this particular party and have another department deal with them. Oh well. No scary lady comments from me.

Felt good to write it out, though! Come on, get the itch scratched and share yours.

Flip Flops

Tue, Jul 23 2019, 11:53 pm

I have nothing that I could remember to share but I'm just laughing cuz it happens all the time!!!
In the moment you stand there feeling (looking? I hope not!) stupid and then you come home and suddenly have the most well written speech or most witty line to say.

amother

Red

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 12:13 am

All. The. Time.

Here's the first one that popped into my head: My baby is on a delayed vaccine schedule, and due to an acute emergency (not illness-related) I had to take her into the ER. When I answered honestly about her vaccine status, they started giving me all kinds of grief. "We have to check, do you know it could be measles?" (Nothing remotely resembling it, actually.)

At the moment I was just shocked at how they were completely ignoring the actual issue at hand, so I didn't think of my comeback until later.

Fortunately/unfortunately, they did not diagnose her correctly and we were back a few times, so I was able to give my comeback to the next (senior) doctor who mentioned measles: "You do know that she is only X months old, and that the MMR isn't given until age 1?"

I had the satisfaction of watching the doctor actually facepalm.

(This is a really cute thread, let's not derail this into vax/non-vax, okay? And not even into medical stupidity either - that's another thread.)

Kiwi13

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 12:16 am

On an airplane with my infant daughter, the lady in front of me turned to the woman next to her and said, “oh great, we’re in front of a baby.”

Someone told me afterwards that I should have said to my daughter, “oh great, and we’re behind one, too.”

MitzadSheini

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 12:34 am

This one actually said... Does that count?
Sitting with my DH and kids at large Shabbas table as a guest with many other families. One bouncy BT man also there with his wife and kids, kept on hassling me to know my Hebrew name. It is holy, I should be only using it, blah blah blah. He was being really inappropriate, followed me into a separate room when I went to watch my kids. On and on asking for the name.
Eventually I responded-

"My name is <insertmyactualname>, but you may call me Mrs MitzadSheini".

singleagain

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 7:36 am

I thought of one. When I was getting divorced and ppl wanted to know why, I said "he was a mets fan, I like the Yankees" but after most ppl knew I came up with a better one. "Statistics say 100% of divorce start with marriage. I couldn't have gotten divorced if I hadn't gotten married"

amother

Oak

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 7:51 am

I'm usually impressively quick with clapbacks.

I was flying with my 3 year old (who is bh very easy, but also THREE YEARS OLD). He was having so much fun with the tray that's on the back of the seats. I apologized to the woman in front of him, and I told her that we would move to the back (where there were a few empty rows) as soon as the seatbelt sign goes off.
So we move to the back row, and my cutie pie is having a blast raising and lowering the tray. After about 20 minutes, a flight attendant came over with a sour, snobby scowl and goes "I'm gonna have you stop him from doing that. It's really annoying" and slams the tray shut. She ran off before I can snap back "um, I PAID for this seat, as well as the woman who sat in front of me. YOU signed up for this. I will NOT have him stop."
I waited for him to keep playing with the tray, so I can finally retort, but OF COURSE he didnt Very Happy

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 8:56 am

I am fitness trainer and very athletic. a client once asked me why I still have fat on my body if I work out so much.
I kid you not....
I am still trying to formulate a good response to that because at the time I was dumbstruck.

dankbar

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 9:35 am

years ago my active toddler got stuck in a hospital for a burn from an iron. They tried asking me all type of weird questions( which I didn't know where they are headed-apparently they wanted to charge me with child abuse- so they tried to get the story out in different ways) Bh I was spared, as Hashem put the right words into my mouth.
They asked me randomly if hes a righty or lefty?
I answered that hes a toddler so its impossible to know this info as he still uses both hands to do stuff.
I then asked them why they need to know, they told me that his burn was on the top of the right hand ( opposite side of palm) so if hes a righty & he would grab the iron with the right hand, it would be impossible for him to get burnt there......aahh!

Jewishfoodie

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 9:36 am

Thought of this one right on time;
Really busy week, like crazy busy...
My husband sees me packing food up for one of my kids so she has some suppers for after a simcha, premade, and says,

"What time is supper?"
I said what every good Jewish woman should say.

"Whenever you make it."

jerusalem90

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 9:37 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

"Because I'm human!"

amother

Plum

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 10:43 am

I asked my husband to buy me a babka. My husband asked me if im sure I want it in the house. (Implying I shouldnt eat it)
I said yes. I like it with milk for breakfast.
I wish I would have said, im not sure I want you in the house.

amother

Pink

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 11:07 am

tigerwife wrote:

I am not always the best at comebacks, but I have worked in corporate environments with mostly non-frum people. Luckily most men are respectful. For something like this, I don't think I'd bother will a long speech. I'd give him a look and say knock it off really strongly. He gets a kick pushing your buttons. You shouldn't have to disappear because he's a jerk.

amother

Mauve

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 11:22 am

When I told a mikva lady that the rav said it's fine for me to dip while wearing my rings, as I can't get them off, she said, what do you do about Pesach?
As I was in the water, the comeback came to my mind-
How do you remove your chometzdik fingers for pesach?

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Jul 24 2019, 11:32 am

My "helpful" neighbor left a pile of papers of my door. They were dating questions for dd. I counted 670 separate questions, a quarter of them were in multiple parts, so the actual number is much higher.

I returned them promptly to her door and never mentioned it again. What I should have said was, "Did you grill your husband on all 670 questions before you married him?"