When someone is dying, what do they talk about

amother

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:14 am

I didnt grow up religious, plus I haven't really been around a lot of people who were dying. But, assuming that they are lucid, what do religious people talk about on their deathbed? I imagine une that I will want to be very serious, and apologise for misdeeds, and if their is a knowledgeable person with me, ask about what happens to the soul after death and stuff like that. But my family is unlikely to be into this. Curious not so much what is normal, but what is the correct thing to do.

southernbubby

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:27 am

Some people bless their children and grandchildren on their death beds and others may be in denial that the death is imminent.
I knew one lady who worked until 2 weeks before her passing, unaware of the disease eating away her vital organs but visibly pale and sick looking to everyone but her. Finally she reached a point where she was forced to call in sick but didn't go to the hospital until the day before she passed away. The doctor tried to explain that her liver was failing but until the end, she thought that she could simply get another one. She was very frum but was such an optimist that she was sure that she would survive.

amother

Brunette

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:32 am

Basically, whatever should be spoken about should have happened throughout one's life. From experience, I can tell you its a bit difficult to have an honest discussion with someone apologizing for things that happened when they are drifting in and out of consciousness and in obvious discomfort. Its a gesture, so I appreciate that it was brought up when I visited the hospital. Im also aware that it would never have been brought up to be a back-and-forth discussion so this was a way to get it off the chest so to speak and avoid really acknowledging my experience of the circumstances that I received an apology for.

But I would imagine if you had a healthy and loving relationship then its just more of the same. Loving words and sad goodbyes. Jokes and laughter if that is your personality. Or serious and somber if that is comfortable for the person. You are who you are.

As for what happens to the soul, best be asking about it before you're on your deathbed!

amother

Sienna

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:39 am

my sister told my mother how much she loved her and that she was a good mom
and realtives are putiing notes in the kottel for her she is in the hospital and wants to go hom e

rachel6543

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:46 am

A close relative died recently after a long battle with cancer & in the last few weeks of his life many wonderful friends and family came to visit to say final goodbyes. When I came to visit (which I expected to be my last visit with him), we just had a lovely family visit with him & his wife and my brother and my mom. We talked about normal things, looked at family photos. It was just a lovely visit catching up on things and sharing what was going on in our lives.

thunderstorm

Thu, Jul 25 2019, 9:57 am

Before my grandmother passed away all my siblings travelled together to visit. We didn’t know it would be our last visit. But I told my grandmother about any good news that occurred in my family. I spoke about my kids and where they were holding in life. All my siblings formed a choir and sang words of Tehillim and other emotional songs. We cried as we sang . My grandmother wasn’t really able to talk she did muster up some strength to say a few words to us here or there. We posed for pictures together . My grandmother blessed my brother who was getting married two weeks later and my brother’s kallah was also there in attendance. We made her as physically comfortable as possible and we also talked and laughed and cried. We also told her what a positive person she was in our lives and how much we appreciated having her as our grandmother. It was the most beautiful bonding and loving experience. We had plans of coming back the following week but she passed away two days after that visit. We all had closure from that experience.