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amother
Oak
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 Sun, Jul 28 2019, 10:34 am
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My husband has two sisters and a brother. The older of his sisters is my age. She is a nasty, difficult person but, fortunately, lives in another country which makes things easier. His younger sister and I like each other quite a bit. We get together, both with and without the kids, who get along great and it is a perfectly fine situation, but I can't say we are really close. We are both people who like and respect boundaries, but I think we genuinely love eachother. His brother's ex-wife was a nice person who I met only 2 or 3x (they also lived abroad).
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amother
Periwinkle
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 10:41 am
I have 2 in my fam. Get along with both well but very close with 1
I have 4 on dh side. 3 sisters and 1 brother wife. One sister is the most similar to him hashkaficly and he always felt close to her. She woke him for minyan in his teenage years and when it came to shidduchim she was his listening ear. Unfortunately she has always disliked me bec I took him away from her. Every time im around her I feel attacked. The others I have a good relationship with thou some closer than others..
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 10:48 am
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I love my sister and sister in laws, except for 1 sister in law. My husband's sisters try so hard to include me even though we are very, very different. And it pays off, we feel very close. There is one sister in law who married into my husband's family. We do not get along. I had to work hard to just feel like she's the one with an issue when she speaks badly about people including my friends, rav, life, and try to make herself sound like a success. I used to feel so hurt when she spoke about birth control when I'm failing IVF cycles like its a joke assuming that I prefer having money to children. At heart, it all stems from her inability to love herself. I feel like she hurts my brother in law too. Other than that, I'm very blessed. But even she was a Bracha to learn to be quiet in the face of an insult.
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dankbar
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 12:02 pm
I have 11 from both sides together. Some I am very close to. Some lukewarm. Some barely a relationship. I tried to reach out & bring into family all of them, but some are just not interested.
What also matters, is where they live, their attitudes & priority, how often we get to see each others & their personalities.
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dankbar
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 12:09 pm
What do you define close?
Speaking on the phone? Visiting each others? Shopping together? Going on outings together? Seeing each others by mom? Seeing each others by simchas? Helping each other when in need? Inviting each others for shabbos or a meal? Vacationing together?
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amother
Rose
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 1:22 pm
My brother's wife - she's basically the closest person to me. Much closer than my actual sister. I love her to pieces.
DH has no sisters. His brother's wife - I just don't know her. We live 6000 miles away from them. They have never visited except for our wedding. We have visited 3 times in the 4years we're married but I have spent very little time with her on each visit. She seems nice. We chat on the family whatsapp group but that's it.
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sarahmalka
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 1:23 pm
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I like my sisters-in-law, all of them and they are all SOOOO different from each other: DH's sister, DH's brother's wife, as well as my own brothers' wives. I don't have sisters of my own so I like having girls in the family now.
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amother
Slateblue
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 3:07 pm
My brother’s wife - I wish we were closer, we are just about a year apart, she puts no effort into having a relationship with me. We run in similar circles, live near each other and I find that her close friends are friendlier to me then she is.
It’s frustrating because she’s close with her sister in laws (her brothers’ wives) and even my cousins and doesn’t seem to put an effort in enhancing our relationship (such as at family events she’ll talk to my cousins more then me).
It hurts.
I don’t really blame her, place some of it on my brother tbh.
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amother
Orange
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 3:16 pm
One sister in law is ALSO my sister...so yes we are super close.
Another was in high school with me and although I wasn't into school and a social life (with having 11 sisters) we totally had her join the family; and although I'm not close with her - I'm comfortable with her and she's family.
I'm newly married so I don't know DH's fam so well, also they don't live in the same country as we do.
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amother
Indigo
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 3:59 pm
This post is amusing to read.
Those of us who are not newlyweds know there is only one right answer to this question. "We get along just fine, bh."
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amother
Honeydew
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 4:13 pm
My sis in laws are very nice ppl who I like but I hate talking to them on the phone bec they live in la la land and "have no problems", good for them but I need to use my very short "free" time to talk to ppl who can understand my challenges and relate. If their lives are "perfect", then I feel like they cant relate.
Anyway, my dh is not close at all to his brothers so its not like we get together except for simchas. The one sil who lives in my neighborhood seems to be insulted that I dont call her to chat"" but she doesnt call me. And, as much as I enjoy shmoozing with her when I see her and I have her over wen she asks to visit, she does need to realuze that I will speak to my close friemd before her bec she is not close enough to open up to me. So, I dont feel like I can open up to her and cant relate.
So, we are not close even though they are all very nice except for one who seems immature bec she was always making hurtful remarks like "why do u work with non jews?" And always asking for money to split"" for her "great ideas" of gifts for inlaws.
My brothers wives are all very nice but live at least 2 hrs away and while some enjoy shmoozing more than others, we are simply not close bec we never see each other and im not close with my brothers. My brothers are nice but im busy and so are they. But, my 2 sisters talk down to me so after many yrs of me trying to be nice"", I learned to say no and now we dont talk. Unforrunately for me they must not be happy with themselves, because why would they treat me so badly??
However, I have my best friend who is like a sister to me.we have sone of the same struggles and "read" each other well. Bh I have her.
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amother
Aubergine
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 8:38 pm
The positive thing about my sisters-in-law is that they are all good to my brothers. That's all I can say.
| amother [ Indigo ] wrote: | This post is amusing to read.
Those of us who are not newlyweds know there is only one right answer to this question. "We get along just fine, bh." |
They avoid me. Is that fine?
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amother
Mustard
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Sun, Jul 28 2019, 9:21 pm
I have been married long enough to understand the 'right' answer here, but I still think understanding how different people get along with different SILs could be helpful to managing expectations.
I have 8 SILs, ka"h (one brother's wife, 4 husband's sisters & 3 husband's brothers' wives) and I have a different relationship with each of them.
Overall I get along well with all of them & we usually enjoy seeing each other at simchas, etc.
I find I am actually closest with some of my husband's sisters. He is from the oldest (older than all of the girls) and has always been very protective of his sisters. I think I absorbed some of that and I try to look out for them (especially the younger ones who live locally). They all know that they can call me for advice or help and I will do my best to be there for them- some of their kids call me as well. I find myself calling them for family recipes and family info and they appreciate that I want to know these things. I don't generally call them just to shmooze but if one of us calls for any reason, we can definitely be on the phone for quite a while. Over the years (as single girls & as young marrieds) they have all (but one) spent numerous Yomim Tovim and Shabbosim in our home and we have been to theirs, as well. They know they are always welcome and we love having them. Nowadays they tend to come when some of their kids are away (camp, yeshiva) because we don't really have space to accommodate their entire families.
My relationship with my husband's brothers' wives tends to be more practical- scheduling get togethers, collecting for gifts, etc.- although we also call each other for help when needed- watching kids, directions, etc.
My brother's wife lives much further away and the family politics/drama make it harder for us to connect as much. We used to have a much closer relationship and we do enjoy seeing each other when it happens but that isn't very often.
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amother
Brown
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Mon, Jul 29 2019, 3:37 am
In my first marriage, I tried so hard to become friends with my sils.
my second time around, everything just popped into place.
dh was living then by his brother, that bil & sil are now my best friends. I love talking to almost all my sils!
My sister's husband is exactly like a brother to me.
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amother
Azure
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Mon, Jul 29 2019, 5:31 am
| amother [ Indigo ] wrote: | This post is amusing to read.
Those of us who are not newlyweds know there is only one right answer to this question. "We get along just fine, bh." |
I'm married BH 13 years and get along with my husband's sisters quite well. I enjoy spending time with them.
He has one brother whose wife has behaved so bizarrely to me over the years that I have given up on the relationship. I have tried so hard. I truly have no idea why she dislikes me so much but every effort I have made toward the relationship has been thrown back in my face. To add insult to injury, my in-laws adore her. She's the daughter-in-law of their dreams, and they make no effort to hide that fact.
I have two brothers, neither one is married yet. Time will tell...😃
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Chayalle
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Mon, Jul 29 2019, 9:51 am
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Like good friends whom I really appreciate and respect.
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Jul 29 2019, 10:12 am
| amother [ Mustard ] wrote: |
I find I am actually closest with some of my husband's sisters. He is from the oldest (older than all of the girls) and has always been very protective of his sisters. I think I absorbed some of that and I try to look out for them (especially the younger ones who live locally). |
It's interesting that you absorbed your husband's attitude toward his sisters because that helps me realize something about my own sister in law. She is younger than DH but older than me. I am super protective of her always looking out for her. I just realized that I must have absorbed my husband's attitude too!
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