Raising children to be narcissists?

mommy3b2c

Sun, Aug 04 2019, 9:06 am

amother [ Blonde ] wrote:

I am going to address the bolded because I think you are wrong. Of course you can do anything but it doesnt mean that you are good at it or that you can make a career out of it. Even if you can't carry a tune and will never be Beyonce, you can still sing. You may never be president but you can still try to run for president. You may never make it to the NBA but that shouldnt stop you from playing basketball and you may not be picked for the Yankees team but that shouldnt stop you from playing baseball.
So yes, you can do anything and there is no reason not to try doing new things and having fun life experiences even if you will fail. Its more about knowing that you tried and learning how to deal with the failure that will help you succeed in life as you figure out what you are really good at and how to deal with disappointment. If you dont give your kids the confidence to try new things then you are placing them in a box and saying that they can only be good at xyz which creates low self esteem and leads to narcissism (especially since they never learn to deal with failure after trying something new).
Michael Jordan says it best, imagine if his mother would have told him that he cant be good at basketball, we wouldnt have the legend that we have today.

I agree with this. In fact, I have a sports league/fitness program and our company slogan is “be anything.”
Why cant you be president of the United States? It’s entirely possible that you can. Of course some people are inherently better at some things then others. Of course different people have different strengths and weaknesses. However, in actuality, you only limitation is yourself. Everyone has potential. It just depends on how hard you are willing to try.

PinkFridge

Sun, Aug 04 2019, 10:10 am

rosezee wrote:

Personally I didn’t like the book. Found it repetitive and not unique.

However, I hear your point. But I think you missed the point.
The idea is guided on research that calling a child “good girl” and praising only actions actually weakens the self esteem. Because the child then believed they are only good if they do good.
The idea is for your child to understanding they are always good, smart, kind etc.. even if they do something bad or make a mistake.
Because their decisions and mistakes don’t define who they are.

Also, being able to gain self esteem from within and not from others is a good skill.

But who are they? From young ages they should feel capable of some level of accomplishment - I can set the table. I can daven for another person. I can speak kindly. This is what builds healthy self-esteem. They can see themselves as people with skills, and good middos.

Even a disabled child, who might not be able to physically help clean the toys, fold the towels, etc., needs to be able to DO something to know that he IS something, I.e. he's not just kind, he has proven that he can be kind.

Now of course, our children need to know that they are loved simply because they exist. As I've heard Rabbi Krohn say, on your birthday, Hashem decided that the world couldn't go on without you in it. When this relationship of love exists, the children can then be guided to discover and maximize their strengths.