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How do you give your kids kavod (only if u do!!)



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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 05 2019, 11:44 pm
I have recently been snappy and matter of factual with kids. Esp when they dont respect each other. Or disobey my wishes.

I want to always give them kavod even when they misbehave or hurt each other... I want to model how they should behave.

What makes ur children feel like u respect them?

What helps u give ur kids kavod?
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thegiver




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 05 2019, 11:46 pm
Also how do u not snap and give consequences in a neutral way? What are some “honorable” consequences for misbehavior such as hurting one another or touching my things without permission? How do u not snap when the behavior repeats itself?!
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honeymoon




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 05 2019, 11:59 pm
I show respect to my kids by looking into their eyes when they speak to me. I try not to share my eye contact with my phone, computer, pot etc.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 12:34 am
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the term "giving your kids kavod." They're your kids. Obviously you need to show them כבוד הבריות, but other than that, kavod? It's more that your interactions with them always show that you love and care for them.

I just took a class today that spoke about the 4-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative interactions in a relationship (it was actually talking about the teacher-student relationship). The same applies to the husband-wife and parent-child relationships. I guess you could say that's respecting them...

I'm still not sure what's wrong with the term, exactly.
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ellacoe




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 12:41 am
Think about what makes you feel that you are being treated with kavod, and see if you can apply that to your interactions with your kids.

Many children's biggest complaint is that they aren't heard, I.e. the teacher didn't let them explain etc. Making them feel heard is a good way for them to feel respected. Even when they did something wrong, discussing it with them is often helpful, and asking them to explain to you, what about went on they think that you found upsetting. Sometimes they don't understand what the parent or teacher is upset about and asking them to share their perspective can be helpful.

It is also helpful to include them in the consequence, asking them what they feel would be a suitable consequence. In addition, it is helpful to keep in mind the ultimate purpose of a consequence, it is to teach them, not to cause them suffering. Punish from a place of caring and education, not of anger and frustration.

Children that are treated with respect are usually better at treating others with respect.
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2gether




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 4:58 am
Read Miriam Adahan's parenting book and Growing with my Children (or something like that) by Sarah Shapiro.
That is their main concept to love and respect them as if they are adults and real people (of course with some boundreies) and then they will respect you and be nice people.

This concept really helped me as a mother. Would I say that to my neighbor?? not to shame your kids, scream at them, punish them nicely and privately, etc.
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pesek zman




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 5:51 am
I try to tell my kid the truth and to engage with her as much as possible.
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shirachadasha




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 6:06 am
pesek zman wrote:
I try to tell my kid the truth and to engage with her as much as possible.

I strongly agree with telling the truth. That includes following up on all commitments. If I promise a reward, they know they will get it. And I'm honored when they bring their nosh to me for safe keeping Very Happy
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 7:44 am
Look up positive discipline
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 7:48 am
Validate what they say.
Let them know you understand how they feel.
Compliment, compliment, compliment...
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amother
Coral


 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 7:51 am
I am currently going to chinuch shiurim.
The motto is: you wanna teach your kids Love for Life, Torah, Yiddishkeit. Not for the moment but for the future. Every criticism can wait for he next day, if crucial for life.
Is this issue going to matter on a year from now? Will they get married with this issue?

It starts by showing them respect and love.
By putting yourself in the kids shoe, into their minds. What are they thinking, why are they doing it?
#1: you don't have to see everything and comment on every action. If you need to point something out to then, do it the next day.
#2: If you speak calmly, with their thoughts and feelings in mind, they won't mind.
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giselle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:05 am
I always make sure to thank them for anything helpful they do - thank you for putting away your shoes.. etc.
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Zehava




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 8:28 am
Even when I’m really angry I only yell about things they did in that moment. Never about their essence, about who they are. I don’t call them names.
I don’t discuss them with other people unless there’s a purpose. And I don’t send their pics around only to my husband.
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Ravenclaw




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:12 am
I think the reason this sounds jarring is because kavod and respect seem to not be interchangeable words.
About how to show kids respect: I agree fully with ellacoe. Allow them to be heard. Instead of blaming and accusing, try to hear their side of the story. And try to be understanding, even if it’s not something you feel is important or a valid excuse.
For example, I am really not into clothes. I get secondhand, buy cheap, etc. and my daughter loves fashion and would throw a tantrum every morning when I got her dressed. So I tried to see it from her perspective and understand that this is very important to her. So we made a compromise, that this season she will wear what we have and for next season I will involve her in the shopping and ask her if she likes the clothes before I buy them.
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 06 2019, 2:00 pm
amother [ Lawngreen ] wrote:
I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the term "giving your kids kavod." They're your kids. Obviously you need to show them כבוד הבריות, but other than that, kavod? It's more that your interactions with them always show that you love and care for them.

I just took a class today that spoke about the 4-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative interactions in a relationship (it was actually talking about the teacher-student relationship). The same applies to the husband-wife and parent-child relationships. I guess you could say that's respecting them...

I'm still not sure what's wrong with the term, exactly.

The wording rankles me as well.
I think children deserve kavod habrios. I think if you say the term kavod across the board, it blurs the respect, kavod that children are obligated to give parents and the respect that a wife is obligated to give her dh. Maybe it's only me, but it seems that it's you too.
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