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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
amother
OP
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:03 pm
If you were invited to a wedding from a client of yours over the phone a week before the wedding and then they send you a copy of the invitation by email would you go? Previous weddings we got a physical invitation from this client. The wedding is at least 1 hour and 15 minutes each way without traffic.
For me to go say mazel tov its at least 2.5 - 3 hours of driving.
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pesek zman
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:04 pm
Would you have wanted to go if you got a proper invitation
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challahchallah
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:05 pm
I wouldn’t feel any obligation to go. If you want to, by all means you should. If you don’t, reply to the email with a warm mazel tov message and say you’re sorry to miss the celebration.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:06 pm
pesek zman wrote: | Would you have wanted to go if you got a proper invitation |
When they made local simchas I always went to say mazel tov. Here its a shlep after a days of work.
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:06 pm
No need to go. The client may have sent an unofficial invitation because of the long drive, not wanting you to feel obligated.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:10 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote: | No need to go. The client may have sent an unofficial invitation because of the long drive, not wanting you to feel obligated. |
But they mentioned about the wedding on the phone before they sent a copy of the invitation
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amother
Olive
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | But they mentioned about the wedding on the phone before they sent a copy of the invitation |
Same, though. They wanted to let you know about it so you wouldn't be insulted, but didn't want to make you shlep.
I've had times where I received personalized invitations for weddings very far away or very inconvenient for me (like 2-3 weeks postpartum), and then felt guilty that I wasn't going to go. If the person had invited me through e-mail and/or over the phone, I wouldn't have felt obligated.
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chocolatecake
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:21 pm
I wouldn’t go but call or even email a Mazel Tov a day or two before or after
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amother
Blue
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | But they mentioned about the wedding on the phone before they sent a copy of the invitation |
Your worst case scenario here is losing this client. Do you think that's likely given what you know about this client? If you did lose the client - would that be 'ok'?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:34 pm
amother [ Blue ] wrote: | Your worst case scenario here is losing this client. Do you think that's likely given what you know about this client? If you did lose the client - would that be 'ok'? |
This is what I am nervous about.
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ShishKabob
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:48 pm
I wouldn't go either but send my warm wishes. Unless they are really a good client and you are very heimish and friendly with them. I look at it this way, they needed to be a mentch and send you an invite and you need to be a mentch by wishing them the best. I don't see a need for totally going out of your way unless there's something more here. Bhatzlocha
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amother
Blue
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 12:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | This is what I am nervous about. |
Well - none of us know the details of this relationship - or have insight into this person. As you know - some people are irrational.
I would call with a warm mazel tov and a good reason why you are unable to go... and then hope she accepts that with no hard feelings....
.... but I don't know this client, or how important to you this client is.
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amother
Pink
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:32 pm
You were invited a week before. It's not unlikely that you'd have other plans by then, so I don't think you're obligated at all!
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amother
Amethyst
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Tue, Aug 13 2019, 3:44 pm
It may also be that although they sent paper invitations in the past, now they did only e-vites.
A talmid of my husband did a whole electronic thing (you rsvp online etc) but printed maybe 40 invitations for those of his rebbeim who don't have email. (Presumably no friends in that category : )
That doesn't necessarily change whether you feel you need to go or not.
For sure if you send a nice gift and warm wishes, sorry you have other plans etc, I am sure most normal people would not take offense.
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