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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Teal
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 4:19 pm
For me it's not about divorced or not, I just like to have a balanced table so no one feels left out. If I invite a divorced woman (or single woman or married woman who's husband is out of town) then my husband is not involved in the conversation and the same applies in reverse. That's the only reason I don't invite divorcees often. When I do, I usually invite a couple as well so everyone has who to talk to and it's not an awkward meal.
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Raisin
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 6:29 pm
I don't have an issue inviting divorced women. I probably invite them more often then married couples since I know they appreciate an invitation more.
Sometimes my table ends up very unbalanced. Apart from divorced women, I have a few friends married to non Jewish men who often come without them. But then there are often men on thier own. We might have one week with lots of men, another week mostly women.
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amother
Bisque
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 6:31 pm
there's 2 reasons I would not, only if a) she is a flirt or b) if dh was a ****. Otherwise, if I host, I would invite.
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amother
Rose
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 10:21 pm
We've only had a tiny number of creepy/unpleasant guests, magically, none of them have been divorced women. A couple have been divorced men though... But some men in the community seem to enjoy living vicariously through their "Woohoo! I'm free! Hellloooo ladies!" attitude, so they don't lack for invites...
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rivkeyb
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 10:31 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Would you invite a divorced woman over for a shabbos meal?
Full disclaimer: I’m divorced. And I’ve heard from a few married people they are uncomfortable with it because of their husbands. This is really surprising for me to hear because I’m very introverted and wouldn’t dream of flirting with someone else’s husband. I also have my kids with me all the time so wouldn’t that make a difference in the comfort level at the table?
I tend to think that a woman who flirts with a married guy does it because she has boundary issues and it has little to do if she’s married, divorced or never married. It’s more her personality and how respectful she is of someone’s marriage.
What do you think? would you invite divorced women? I think divorced men get invited more because they’re in shul and seen more. But divorced women can easily be forgotten about. |
OP
Your invited with your kids to me... pm me
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rivkeyb
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Sun, Aug 11 2019, 11:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Would you invite a divorced woman over for a shabbos meal?
Full disclaimer: I’m divorced. And I’ve heard from a few married people they are uncomfortable with it because of their husbands. This is really surprising for me to hear because I’m very introverted and wouldn’t dream of flirting with someone else’s husband. I also have my kids with me all the time so wouldn’t that make a difference in the comfort level at the table?
I tend to think that a woman who flirts with a married guy does it because she has boundary issues and it has little to do if she’s married, divorced or never married. It’s more her personality and how respectful she is of someone’s marriage.
What do you think? would you invite divorced women? I think divorced men get invited more because they’re in shul and seen more. But divorced women can easily be forgotten about. |
I see there is lot's of divorcee's here. Can we start a tread from all divorcee's and get them the right husband they should have their own happy shabbos in there house with there own husband?
I'm in.......
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rivkeyb
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Mon, Aug 12 2019, 10:52 pm
OP
Can I invite you for this Shabbos?
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bassarah1
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Wed, Aug 14 2019, 6:46 pm
What a fascinating conversation . Never even occurred to me to be an issue. MO we have other families all the time and we both talk to both of them although generally not like one on one with the other gender but never gets awkward . We have had divorced people many times and my husband flirting never crossed my mind especially cause I’m literally right there the whole time . More often than that we have a friend of mine who’s husband is often out of town for work with al her kids just her . My husband doesn’t like that so much not cause of flirting because he finds her annoying and her kids messy. But more than one person said they had bad experience so sorry to hear !
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WitchKitty
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Wed, Aug 14 2019, 7:25 pm
The only one who I'm not invited to explained to me that she doesnt feel that she should be talking to me onstead of talking to her husband.
Dunno. She has a bunch of kids, why can't THEY occupy her dear hubby?
Also, I think people should learn to occupy themselves.
I can flirt with him if it's really really important for him not to be bored...
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amother
Purple
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Thu, Aug 15 2019, 12:43 am
Growing up we had lots of guests. My father had an affair with one young divorcee who came a lot. But then again, he also had an affair with his (non-Jewish) secretary whom he was going to marry, only she decided she didn't think she was capable of being a good Jewish wife.
Not that I am saying anyone should expect the same. But you might understand why I personally am a bit traumatized about certain things.
Though I know my DH would never look at another woman.
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life is fun
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Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:35 pm
How are all the single women doing for the yomim toivim coming up?
Do you all have invitations/guests, that you dont have to celebrate yom tov sitting alone at home??
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amother
Papaya
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Thu, Sep 26 2019, 6:48 pm
amother [ Olive ] wrote: | What a totally depressing thought. I am about to be divorced and really hope that people don't think I want their husbands. Excluding family invites, at meals, I talk about 95% of the time to the wife, and about 5% to the husband. I mean, 0% in my circles would be considered beyond rude. |
Dear olive: just laugh off this thought. Every person in the world, divorced, married, married with children, single, extended family can cause problems for some host families.
if you clique with a host family you will know it, and they will know and it is an opportunity to make deep friendships.
(For me it was just that, a great opportunity to increase friendship.)
And remember, it is the other way around too. YOU may not continue going to certain invites because YOU feel it is not for you.
Don't let people's doomsday statements dwell in your thoughts.
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amother
Papaya
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Thu, Sep 26 2019, 7:11 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Would you invite a divorced woman over for a shabbos meal?
Full disclaimer: I’m divorced. And I’ve heard from a few married people they are uncomfortable with it because of their husbands. This is really surprising for me to hear because I’m very introverted and wouldn’t dream of flirting with someone else’s husband. I also have my kids with me all the time so wouldn’t that make a difference in the comfort level at the table?
I tend to think that a woman who flirts with a married guy does it because she has boundary issues and it has little to do if she’s married, divorced or never married. It’s more her personality and how respectful she is of someone’s marriage.
What do you think? would you invite divorced women? I think divorced men get invited more because they’re in shul and seen more. But divorced women can easily be forgotten about. |
Three of my close friends are divorced. They have enhanced my life very much. There is something to a women who has depth that comes from not having the security of significant other. The depth, the spirituality that I see these women have makes me drawn to them.
My husband never had an issue with them. On the contrary, he has respect for divorcees who have hardships and rise above them. (not to say that married people dont have awful hardships, but that is for another thread)
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Zehava
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Thu, Sep 26 2019, 8:42 pm
Dh is away for RH and I’ve been invited to several friends for meals.
On the flip side I’ve had way too many divorced guys flirt with me.
So I’d say I’d judge on an individual basis
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turca
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Thu, Sep 26 2019, 9:40 pm
Zehava wrote: | Dh is away for RH and I’ve been invited to several friends for meals.
On the flip side I’ve had way too many divorced guys flirt with me.
So I’d say I’d judge on an individual basis |
My husband once decided to introduce a divorced guy he used to know to a divorced woman that lived next door. It was my oldest son bar mitzvah kiddush, they and a few people came for the meal. The flirting btw the 2 was obvious ( they were not jumping on each other but they were very connected)....It’s 6 years later and they have 3 kids.
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Ruchel
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Fri, Sep 27 2019, 5:22 am
I wouldn't even think of it. It's not crossing my mind. In this case btw also no single? What next???
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amother
Brown
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Sat, Oct 05 2019, 11:27 pm
I have a divorced friend who has major boundary issues and is a very difficult guest because of it. She happens to be a bit flirty too (without realizing I think) but I dont even care that much about that bec I dont think it has any real effect on anyone. But she is extremely loud, overbearing, and opinionated at the table, has something to say for every comment and conversation even if it has nothing to do with her and in general, makes it all about her. My dh hates having her because he finds her annoying and it takes the focus away from our kids. Plus, neither of us can barely get a word in edgewise. Also, she doesnt leave after the meal and will stay all day past havdalah. I understand she is lonely and has nothing waiting at home for her (but will stay whether or not she is with her kids) but im not interested in entertaining all shabbos afternoon and am not quite sure how to get rid of her. All this makes her a very hard guest for me to have often. I try to every now and then anyway though because she really needs it.
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amother
Lavender
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Sat, Oct 05 2019, 11:35 pm
actually brown you are discussing a personality not the fact that she is divorced, the issue is her personality not her marital status
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amother
Pewter
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Sun, Oct 06 2019, 2:59 am
amother [ Lavender ] wrote: | actually brown you are discussing a personality not the fact that she is divorced, the issue is her personality not her marital status |
Unfortunately there is a lot of overlap between individuals with personality issues, and individuals who are divorced...
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amother
Tangerine
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Sun, Oct 06 2019, 4:09 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote: | I have a divorced friend who has major boundary issues and is a very difficult guest because of it. She happens to be a bit flirty too (without realizing I think) but I dont even care that much about that bec I dont think it has any real effect on anyone. But she is extremely loud, overbearing, and opinionated at the table, has something to say for every comment and conversation even if it has nothing to do with her and in general, makes it all about her. My dh hates having her because he finds her annoying and it takes the focus away from our kids. Plus, neither of us can barely get a word in edgewise. Also, she doesnt leave after the meal and will stay all day past havdalah. I understand she is lonely and has nothing waiting at home for her (but will stay whether or not she is with her kids) but im not interested in entertaining all shabbos afternoon and am not quite sure how to get rid of her. All this makes her a very hard guest for me to have often. I try to every now and then anyway though because she really needs it. |
I’m divorced and I’m not at all like that. I get plenty of invitations , I don’t flirt with the hosts, and I find this whole thread pretty offensive.
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