What am I supposed to do with her

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Lemon

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 1:44 pm

jfk92 wrote:

- actually this reminds me. One of my cousins had an issue w her daughter listening to her, but when someone else brought up that topic, the daughter was more open to the suggestions. This is in no way a long term solution, but with something that needs immediate attention, perhaps have someone else mention something to her.?!

Good point. Sometimes an older sister or aunt can get the message across without her becoming as defensive or shutting down. But I do think there is more at play here regardless.

oneofakind

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 1:47 pm

It's very possible she has ADD/ASD &/or sensory issues. The problem is that by this time, she will refuse to see someone because it means "something is wrong with me" because her self esteem is low. Practically speaking, if you can do it with humor, do it. If it doesn't work because she takes everything you say as criticism, see if you can get her a "big sister" preferably an older cousin so it won't seem like she's being therapized. That girl can take her shopping for her own hygiene items and clothes and start to introduce the topic to her. That and bringing things home for her to get used to might help.

Chayalle

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 1:52 pm

As far as clothes are concerned, my 11 year old DD is super picky...but I've found that when I order appropriate clothing for her that she assures me she is NEVER going to wear, I put it on her shelf anyway and after a while...she is wearing them (and looking very nice and put-together, too.)

As for the pimples, my sister is a pediatrician, and she prescribes these medicated face wipes called clindamycin that keep my girls' faces clear and beautiful. Along with a mild face wash (neutrogena has some great options) in the shower, it works wonders. It's very easy to use - you just wipe down once a day. Perhaps you could take your daughter shopping to choose a face wash, followed by icecream or something, just the two of you, to make her feel special and favorably disposed to using these products.

amother

Plum

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 2:14 pm

I have a family member that used to do this and I simply couldn't figure it out. I would point out to her that she had ketchup on her chin (this was not a young child or a developmentally disabled person) and she would make a point of leaving the ketchup on her chin for the next two hours just to show that she won't be bossed.
Most people, especially teenagers, want so badly to fit in and be socially accepted. What would drive someone to seemingly davka do things to bring about social isolation?

Chayalle

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 2:22 pm

I also know someone who was like that, Plum....she's an adult now and has matured somewhat. I think she's actually a very sensitive person, maybe somewhat high-strung, who grew up with alot of criticism and put-downs (and also the old-fashioned type of physical abuse.)

She responded much more to people she trusted - people who showed her kindness and real caring, she could actually take some guidance (not criticism) from them.

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