Does your DH know when its Rosh Chodesh Bentching and tell ?

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 1:36 am

In the same way that I think it's really important to know at any time what year, month, and day of the month it is on the secular calendar, I think it's really important to know at any time these things for the Jewish calendar. It's part of our lives. We need to know. We should not leave it up to our husbands. it's a few pieces of extra information. God gave us brains that can easily handle this information.

I also think it's really important to know what parasha it is, at all times. This is part of what makes us a Jewish community!

ora_43

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 1:47 am

Dh and I both have electronic siddurim on our phones that add the RH parts (or hannukah, hol hamoed, etc) when relevant.

Of course that only helps on weekdays... For Shabbat he'll remind me if he remembers first, I'll remind him if I remember first. Usually we see it on the calendar when we're checking candle lighting time. (In theory, it would be possible to set up online reminders for months or even years in advance, that is, getting a reminder Friday afternoon that the upcoming Shabbat is RH. I've just never actually sat down to do that.)

I think it's pretty normal to not be completely aware of the date. Hebrew or English.

amother

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 1:54 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

All possibly true, but I think Id be a gazillionaire if I had $1,000 for every frum woman in the US who doesnt know the Jewish calendar date (or Parsha if shes not a regular Shul goer, whereas all frum men are regular Shul goers).

shmosmom

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:06 am

I don't understand or relate to this whole wall calendar thing, I'm always using my phone calendar for appointments and it's not preset with any holidays, I look those up when I know it's upcoming
Husband never mentions Rosh Chodesh. Once my child starts school I'll probably know more about it, maybe if there's a school calendar or something like that.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:13 am

Why are husbands responsible for knowing when it's rosh chodesh? Even if you don't know the exact date, it's important to be aware of the Jewish calendar.

So, for those who missed it at shul - rosh chodesh Elul is this coming shabbos and Sunday. May it be a month of good things for us all.

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 2:16 am

ora_43 wrote:

I've met enough professors who can write academic papers that like 0.1% of the population understands, and yet, can't remember a deadline to save their lives Rolling Eyes

So just ftr, I see no connection between learning and giving shiurim, and remembering the date. Two different mental skills.

Who said there's a connection between the skills? I just said that it's important to know the dates.

FTR, I'm an academic who forgets plenty of deadlines, too. It's not that I don't know that September 2 comes next week, it's that I don't remember that September 2 is the deadline of some conference.

But it's easy enough to remember that this month is Av. It was Tisha B'av two weeks ago, and it was a nidche, which means Sunday was really 10 Av. So today, two weeks later, it's 24 Av. Even if you forget for a day or two, it's fairly simple to get yourself back on track again. Same with the parasha. You know what you listened to today in shul. Or if you didn't go to shul, hopefully you spent at least a few minutes reviewing the parasha. So next week, all you have to do is look up which parasha comes next. I understand that it's not something that people ordinarily do. I'm just saying that it should be, and it could be if we made it enough of a priority in our lives.

I do wonder, though, whether the decline in wall calendars, especially the Jewish/secular ones, has caused more ignorance of the Jewish date. Almost everybody I know used to have a Jewish/secular calendar hanging in their kitchen and now almost no one does. It's a pity. Bring back refrigerator magnets and calendars on fridges! We will survive the injury to our aesthetic sensibilities.

amother

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 7:20 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

OP this sounds rather strange

Are you sure he really went to shul

Or maybe he just was bust with Kiddush club
My husband always says it at home afterwards because the shul is asknaz and he daverns nus Ari

DH doesnt drink or smoke, and told me who was and wasnt in Shul. I do know he goes to the bathroom often bec of prostate issue, so I trust him 100% when he said he must have missed it bec he was in the bathroom.

Raisin

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 7:31 am

I don't get it. You don't know that Rosh Hashana is in 5 weeks? I always check the calenders to see how much time there is between school starting and Yom tov. Plus my sons start Yeshiva on Rosh Chodesh Elul so I knew Rosh chodesh was coming up this next weekend.

Rosh Chodesh Elul is usually hard to miss.

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 7:44 am

Raisin wrote:

I agree. That is my basic point: It's easy enough to keep track of if we decide it's important. We should decide that it's important -- because it is. We're not children.

Raisin

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 7:53 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

I agree. That is my basic point: It's easy enough to keep track of if we decide it's important. We should decide that it's important -- because it is. We're not children.

To be fair I work in a jewish field so I NEED to know when Yom tov is. But even if you work in a secular area, or are a SAHM don't you want to know this stuff? How can you plan a dentist appointment a few weeks away without checking to see if it coincides with yom tov? Plan your cooking, or who you are spending yom tov with? Rosh hashana is often very soon after the summer break.

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:08 am

Raisin wrote:

I don't work in a Jewish field, and none of my coworkers are religious, so I especially need to know when it's Yom Tov, long ahead of when it happens. Conferences and travel are planned months in advance. Also, I need to know how many vacation days I'll need to use for Yom Tov, and I have to plan that carefully.

But besides that, I just want to know what's happening. I want to know what parasha it is every week, because that's part of Shabbat. I want to know when Rosh Chodesh bentschen is because that's a part of davening I love. I think most men want to (and do) know, and so should we. (I think OP's husband is unusual in this regard.)

JoyInTheMorning

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Re the bolded:??? I am sure none of the men in shul are smoking on Shabbos. How is that relevant?

amother

Taupe

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:14 am

My whole family knows when it’s shabbos mevarhim. We all try and say extra Tehilim and in general I try and say daily Tehilim so I generally know what day of the Hebrew month is. I also learn something small about the parsha every week so I know what parsha it is. In general for our family we try and keep in tune with the Jewish calendar, so it’s not something my husband tells us. Of course sometimes I am not sure if it’s 24 or 25. And as a secret tip. I have the Hebrew calendar loaded onto my iPhone calendar. Very simple to do just add it in settings.

cbsp

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:20 am

Aside from a Hebrew date app on my phone I also download the calendar from hebcal.com for my phone/Google and Outlook calendar on my computer. (I do it yearly)

As a yid it's super important to be in tune with the Jewish calendar. I try to write the Hebrew date on mitzvah notes, etc (doesn't work for checks Very Happy

) and we celebrate Hebrew birthdays. It's not something that came naturally - I hated how once I left the school system I seemed to lose the rhythm of the Jewish year.

I love that someone above benefits from the Tidbits emails l'zecher Rabbi Zlotowitz - I thought I'm the only one!

ETA : I just checked my Google calendar. There's a feature in general settings called "alternate calendar" and I have Hebrew calendar selected.

Last edited by cbsp on Sun, Aug 25 2019, 9:01 am; edited 1 time in total

Raisin

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 8:50 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

I think you are definitely more spiritually attuned then other people. Smile

But I wouldn't blame a busy mother of young kids if she forgets what parsha it is, or say she is a bad Jew. Its a long time since I have been able to sit through leining without a kid demanding I read a story to them. Smile

And if your husband is not in the habit of saying a dvar torah at the shabbos table, and kids are too young for parsha questions or divrei torah you could easily miss it.

I do find it odd not knowing the hebrew month or approx whereabouts we are in it.

PinkFridge

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 9:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I asked DH if it was Rosh Chodesh Bentching today and he said no, he didnt hear it in Shul today. He didnt know before going to Shul (or after). He figured out that he must have gone to the bathroom in those few minutes.

For some background information, DH learns well and gives Shiurim sometimes.

How unique is it for a man not to know when its Rosh Chodesh bentching?

Does your DH know when its Rosh Chodesh Bentching, and tell you?

He probably thought it was Sunday Monday. An honest mistake.
I would ask my husband to let me know if I knew I was going to forget to check but I didn't think him malicious if he'd forget to tell me.

ETA: When my kids were little I'd need to know to make sure there were clean white shirts and for when to take them out for Rosh Chodesh slurpees. And of course for my own davening.

Last edited by PinkFridge on Sun, Aug 25 2019, 9:59 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Sun, Aug 25 2019, 9:56 am

JoyInTheMorning wrote:

Conferences and travel are planned months in advance. Also, I need to know how many vacation days I'll need to use for Yom Tov, and I have to plan that carefully.

Same here and this is worked out to the day and minute, 3-6 months in advance.

Btw, if Rosh Chodesh had fallen out on Sunday only, then Rosh Chodesh bentching would be the following week.

I think we both didnt expect Rosh Chodesh bentching to be in August, knowing that Yom Tov is pretty far off this year (not right after the summer).

But thanks all, I accomplished something with this thread. I see most everyone here would NEVER miss a Rosh Chodesh bentching and ill clean up my act iyH.