Tzedakah and Vacation

amother

Gray

Wed, Aug 21 2019, 6:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Her siblings are giving her the money from a whole collection of people giving them money. They are not well off in any way. She is entitled and wants the vacations. Her siblings agree with her that she needs it.

Maybe it's time for the someone else in the community to become the trustee of the collection money, instead of the siblings.

amother

Copper

Wed, Aug 21 2019, 6:36 pm

I'm coming from the other side of the quarter. We are poor. We're really struggling financially.
Though no one actually gives us Tzadakah officially, we have received afew dollars here and there.
In addition to the financial struggle, We are going through many many other real crazy atypical struggles right now.
I feel like I'm losing my sanity. My husband is depressed and were fighting to keep our heads above the waters.

My parents, siblings and close friends all were on exotic vacations around the world.
They go yearly. We didn't go on vacation for many years.
Are we not allowed to get away for a weekend to a hotel, or for a mini vacation though we don't have the means?
(We actually just swiped the credit card without a clue if how to pay back but was desperate for a change of scenery)...
People definitely judge us. Cool

amother

Wed, Aug 21 2019, 11:09 pm

Cheiny wrote:

What type of vacation? Did they fly on a plane? Pay for a hotel? Or was it more local, a car trip, etc.?

They fly and stay in hotels.

ora_43

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 2:02 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

But not getting tzedakah officially makes all the difference.

The issue isn't whether poor people "deserve" a vacation, or even need one, it's how someone is going to feel if they don't go on vacation because they can't afford to, but the people they give tzedaka to do go on vacation, regularly.

The ideal is to be dan l'kaf zchut and to assume that if someone who needs tzedaka is going on vacation (or eating brand-name cereal, or buying a new car, or whatever the heck else) it must be a legitimate need for them for whatever reason.

But in practice, it can be hard to give generously to someone who can afford things you can't.

(ETA - to clarify, when I say "makes all the difference" I don't mean that vacation would never be justified if you did officially get tzedaka. Only that OP's whole question isn't about the recipient at all, it's about the giver and how the giver can/should approach this kind of situation. If there's no donor, the conversation here isn't relevant.)

amother

Tan

Thu, Aug 22 2019, 9:42 am

Op, I think it's ok to tell the sibling in charge of the funds that you are going to contribute for a specific amount of time (I.e. for 2 months longer) or prior to a Yom Tov or when a specific need comes up.

eyenme

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 6:51 pm

Everyone needs a change of scenery to stay sane

amother

Slategray

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 7:22 pm

eyenme wrote:

Everyone needs a change of scenery to stay sane

True, but you don't need to get on a plane to do that. A low cost driving trip would accomplish the same without people getting resentful. Although I think the cost would ultimately be similar Confused

...

amother

Ivory

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 7:33 pm

You say the siblings say she needs it. I know someone whose husband is chronically ill. He's been on a respirator for years. He has round the clock care, but when the aide doesn't show, she's the one suctioning, in addition to raising many kids herself. Her siblings raise money for them. I contribute, and I fagin the several vacations she takes a year.

amother

Tan

Mon, Aug 26 2019, 7:42 pm

Ivory, I would agree in that sort of scenario. I think just about anyone would agree in a case like that!
That wasn't the impression I got from OP's posts, though.