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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
My 3.5 yo is making me lose it!!



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Woodstock




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 1:52 pm
Hi just wondering if anyone has any experience with such behaviour and has any advice to share! My dd is the oldest of 2, and doesn't stop fussing about everything. She wakes up after a full night's sleep in a really bad mood. She asks for cuddles non stop in such a grating tone and when I try give them she's elbowing me and bashing me or fussing that I'm not cuddling her while standing up/sitting down etc. We try take her to all different nice places but she's forever whining or being so obnoxious and we're feeling so fed up of it. She says she's hungry but doesn't eat 3/4s of what we offer her and has a tantrum that she wants something else! And in the rare moments she's happy and enjoying herself she's an absolute doll and says the most gorgeous things but these times are few and far between.. I'm just really not coping and I don't want to show her she is irritating me but she really really is. U try to shower her with tons of love but it's hard when she's being so awful!!
What can be done about this? I'm happy to be told what I can change, anything to make home a happier place atm!
Thanks in advance Very Happy
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 2:23 pm
Woodstock wrote:
Hi just wondering if anyone has any experience with such behaviour and has any advice to share! My dd is the oldest of 2, and doesn't stop fussing about everything. She wakes up after a full night's sleep in a really bad mood. She asks for cuddles non stop in such a grating tone and when I try give them she's elbowing me and bashing me or fussing that I'm not cuddling her while standing up/sitting down etc. We try take her to all different nice places but she's forever whining or being so obnoxious and we're feeling so fed up of it. She says she's hungry but doesn't eat 3/4s of what we offer her and has a tantrum that she wants something else! And in the rare moments she's happy and enjoying herself she's an absolute doll and says the most gorgeous things but these times are few and far between.. I'm just really not coping and I don't want to show her she is irritating me but she really really is. U try to shower her with tons of love but it's hard when she's being so awful!!
What can be done about this? I'm happy to be told what I can change, anything to make home a happier place atm!
Thanks in advance Very Happy


Hi. I'm a SEIT. Sounds like she is sensory. If you can get free OT for sensory it might help.
If not look online for how to reduce over-sensitivity. Little kids in general are more sensory than older kids and adults so she should grow out of.

Accept that she is a very kvetchy kid and don't twist yourself in a pretzel trying to make
her happy. Just do your best and grin and bear it. Hopefully she will outgrow this as many do.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 2:28 pm
Hm.

I'm no angel-mom neither, but my son is about the same age as your daughter.

Some things I do:
*Whinging doesn't get any response. Excessive screaming/crying gets him placed into a quiet corner, as many times as necessary, until he had had his fit alone, and is ready to rejoin the group activity.
*My worst, no-holds-barred, we're at rock bottom, punishment: I put him in a safe context, and I take myself away. My attention = his reward for good behaviour.
*Every request/demand is prefaced with "please." I will not fulfill it otherwise. I will prompt him as necessary.
*Food is what I serve. He can eat it, or not. It's good, and he's no fool - he eats, especially when the alternative activity is bedtime.
*If I make a rule, or say no - I must follow through, whether I like it or not. This part is the most challenging, because it requires a ton of energy. If I ask him to do something, and he doesn't, then I count down from a reasonable number (normal pace, no slow counting), and then I help him. Given the choice between autonomy or imma doing it anyway, he usually chooses autonomy.
*Hugs are free, and frequent. Praise is constant. Random cuddles and "I love yous" are mandatory.
*Whatever I'm doing, I try to find him a job within that context. Then he feels important, and invested in the finished product (like dinner!).


Does he test me a hundred times a day? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssss indeed! But he's not a brat, just curious and energetic, and for that I am thankful.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:06 pm
Yes to everything rappel said.
I know a few kids like this who love huge tight longggg hugs, they love to be wrapped up in a blanket tightly too. Try this with her and see if it calms her.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:12 pm
Don't give her anything when its in a kvetchy, whiny demanding tone. She has to ask in a nice respectful manner in order to get something. She also needs to be grateful & thank you for everything she gets. You can redirect her to more positive vibes.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:17 pm
You can also give her choices....these 3 things are available to eat....you can pick one of them. If she complains that none of them are good enough....you have to be firm & consistent & say this is what you have & just walk away & ignore the tantrums.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:20 pm
When you take her on a trip, ask who had a good time? Let me hear who is thanking mommy for taking you on such a nice trip? If she complains that it wasnt even good, tell her no problem if she doesnt enjoy the outings, you will not take her any longer.
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dankbar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:23 pm
It seems like you are bending over backwards to please her but guess what? that won't happen....she will just turn into a spoiled rotten brat who will act like a monster
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shanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:39 pm
3 is such a challenging age!!!
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Happydance




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:41 pm
Ouch the kids isn't giving you a hard time, she's HAVING a hard time.
Why would posters suggest ignoring her at such a time? That couldn't be benficial for your long term relationship.
You have to get the the bottom of why she is so irritable all the time.
Kids do well when they CAN
Why can't she?
Kids ketch, but we are grown ups and have to hear what the need is and deal with our own irritability at being kvetched at.
It's no fun to be kvetched at and she should learn better cpmmunication skills, but please don't address the problem behavior (kvetching) before you get down to the bottom of what's bothering her and what needs of her are not being met.
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shmosmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 3:45 pm
These are all fantastic suggestions for level headed moms, but when you're overtired and underappreciated we all just do what works in the moment. Good luck tho, take one day at a time and BREATHE. Imbibe coffee and alcohol when needed.
- fellow mom of toddler
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 4:59 pm
She sounds like she has sensory processing disorder. She's really suffering. Buy the book Raising A Sensory Smart Child.
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dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 5:03 pm
Did you just have the other baby?

Also, getting an eval probably is a good idea as others said.
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Woodstock




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 5:44 pm
Thanks everyone for your input and ideas. It's true she may have sensory issues which are causing her to act out like this. I will look into possibly evaluating her as she's never been an easy child... I don't want to ignore if she does have issues but I definitely need coping strategies because I find it really tests my patience... Anyone else with a child this age who can possibly tell me if this is common or irregular behaviour? And how they deal with it?
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 6:09 pm
Woodstock wrote:
Thanks everyone for your input and ideas. It's true she may have sensory issues which are causing her to act out like this. I will look into possibly evaluating her as she's never been an easy child... I don't want to ignore if she does have issues but I definitely need coping strategies because I find it really tests my patience... Anyone else with a child this age who can possibly tell me if this is common or irregular behaviour? And how they deal with it?

She needs a sensory diet to keep her grounded. You will both feel better when she gets what she needs.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 9:23 pm
Delete
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amother
Babypink


 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 10:15 pm
Woodstock wrote:
Thanks everyone for your input and ideas. It's true she may have sensory issues which are causing her to act out like this. I will look into possibly evaluating her as she's never been an easy child... I don't want to ignore if she does have issues but I definitely need coping strategies because I find it really tests my patience... Anyone else with a child this age who can possibly tell me if this is common or irregular behaviour? And how they deal with it?


Common- yes. Normal- no. Sounds like inflammation in the body that’s causing all the sensory and mood issues. You just need to figure out what’s causing the inflammation - food sensitivity? Yeast or bacterial overgrowth? Leaky gut? Once you address the underlying issue, her body and brain will be able to calm down again.
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ddmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 01 2019, 11:54 pm
Does she sleep enough?
Did you rule out any possible physical cause? Allergies? Fluid in ears?
How is she when out of the house? In playgroup? Or by friend's house?
Try to find a pattern of when she's happy and in a good mood.(after a bath? In the park?)
And try to find a pattern of when she's the worst. (when she's hungry? When she wants your attention?)
Don't react to the situations, pay attention to her moods(and yours!!) so you can predict when they will occur and be prepared!
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