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Overwhelmed mama



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:34 pm
I kh have 4 kids under 6. Youngest is 3 months. They are all so demanding. When everyone is home in the afternoon and during supper and bedtime it's literally a non stop couple hours juggling act. Each kid is extremely demanding which is very stressful because they each need something different NOW. And if the baby's kvetchy, forget about it. I do my juggling act one handed.
Are my kids extra needy? Or is this normal for these ages?
Of course I also feel really guilty for not giving each one individual time, but I don't understand how that's even possible??
Any advice?
Thanks!
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amother
Orange


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:38 pm
very normal
can you get in a mothers helper for those hours?
can DH pitch in?
is there anything you can do in advance, like food or activities, to help keep them busier and address some needs in advance?

hugs and hatzlocha

this is only a stage a normal one and time limited as they get older
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:46 pm
I tend to procrastinate with highering new babysitters or mothers helpers etc because I'm uncomfortable with new ppl in my home and uncomfortable bossing them around etc.
My husband usually comes home right when they're getting in to bed, so at least he helps with that.
Good to know it's normal, but what can I do to survive this tekufa without having a nervous breakdown?
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:52 pm
1) its perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed now.
2) nothing needs to be perfect
3) It's fine if one of the children doesnt get his or her needs met immediately. theyre allowed to cry. You're not a slave, short-order cook, or robot.
4) try to streamline dinner / bath / bedtime so it can be done together for a few kids.
5) or, just let them play / trash the house etc and wait for your husband to come to help you.
6) it will get easier. When the baby will be a couple of months older s/he can sit and play with a toy or entertain themself in a bouncer / high chair etc while you tend to the older kids.
((HUGS)) youre very normal. This is difficult for most moms of many littles.
Last but not least, remember to treat yourself, love yourself, and not expect everything of yourself. You can't be eveyrthing to everyone at all times! you're a person too.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:55 pm
My family situation (4 kids under 6 w/newborn) is exactly the same, and this is what our house is like.
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hodeez




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 2:55 pm
Same with 4 under 4. It's not supposed to be easy, I think we forget that sometimes
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:05 pm
Thanks for all the reassurances that it's normal.
Can someone just tell me how to go about giving individual attention like everyone recommends is essential to child rearing?
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:05 pm
I have one child who is a year old and I get overwhelmed. She can be very needy and that’s one child. Of course you get overwhelmed!
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:11 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks for all the reassurances that it's normal.
Can someone just tell me how to go about giving individual attention like everyone recommends is essential to child rearing?


Forget at this point about individual attention. Your kids are still very little and are getting what they need from you.

The oldest child probably needs the most individual attention. You can make his/her bedtime a little later and give him/her 5-10 minutes alone time when everyone else is already in bed (once your husband is home).

Soon they might be on different bus schedules, and they can get alone time right before the bus.

you can try to find time on shabbos to give one child alone time while your husband watches the others.

Dont stress about this now. As they get older you'll be able to find more individual time for then.

Right now you have only one thing to focus on, which is: survival Very Happy
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 04 2019, 3:28 pm
Thank you SO much!!
Really needed to hear that!
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amother
Royalblue


 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 11:35 am
For those of you who chose to have many children really close together, did you speak to anyone who also has many under a certain age, and see what their life is like? What made you decide to have them so close?

Talk to a teacher who runs a gan, and see how they handle a class full of kids all day. They have to juggle multiple needs and kids demanding attention. They might be able to give you some tips.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 11:41 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks for all the reassurances that it's normal.
Can someone just tell me how to go about giving individual attention like everyone recommends is essential to child rearing?



My best friend has triplet sons who were born when her twin daughters were 2 1/2.

She told me something that you might relate to. Another Mom of triplets told her, don't worry so much about giving each of your kids attention. They get attention from each other.

I think this may be true also for those who have several kids who are close in age.

I'm a Mom with SIF. My DD is seven years younger than the child before her. She needed (and continues to need) an enormous amount of attention. I think this is due to the fact that she has no siblings in her age range to give it to her. She's always bored, as there's no one on her level to join in her games and interests. So I have to be the one.

Your kids are getting attention from each other. They will be okay. Just do your best, and don't worry so much.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 11:52 am
I have to agree with chayalle. One reason I wanted my first two close together (they're not - 2.5y apart) is to have a built in companion. Having an only child was the worst.
Some practical tips
1) baby wear the baby and have hands free
2) when talking to one kid, give them all your focus, bend down to eye level. That's about all the individual attention they need - to know that mommy is really listening
3) if possible on your bedtime routine, even if say Shema all together, give each kid a hug and talk for a minute or ask about their day
4) have snacks ready and easily accessible for kids to take themselves, prepare before they come home
5) set up games or toys to occupy them when they come home. Even if it's just rotating what you already have
Ex mon put the trains out like prepared like this is the activity. Tues take out the Magnatiles.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 11:56 am
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:
For those of you who chose to have many children really close together, did you speak to anyone who also has many under a certain age, and see what their life is like? What made you decide to have them so close?

Talk to a teacher who runs a gan, and see how they handle a class full of kids all day. They have to juggle multiple needs and kids demanding attention. They might be able to give you some tips.


I actually had no clue what it means to have a bunch of little kids as I come from a small well spaced family.
But having so many little ones isn't always a choice. My story specifically is that it took us a few years to conceive our first, so after that I was too scared to go on bc. My second was born when number 1 was 1... numbers 3 and 4 were totally spaced according to my preference and I felt completely ready for them, I had major baby fever etc. I just think that I didn't realize that my oldest is still so young and can't even hold the baby... Happens to be like I said they are also all extremely demanding.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 12:02 pm
Wishing you lots of koach, mama.

Just keep telling yourself that they won't be this little forever.

I like the idea of asking teachers how they control a large classroom. I'm sure some people here can give you great tips.

My DD is an only child, and I was her one and only playmate for the first 5 years of her life (because of an allergy, she couldn't go to day care, etc.)

I loved the bonding time with her, but some days it was CRAZY intense! I got no breaks whatsoever.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 12:21 pm
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
I have to agree with chayalle. One reason I wanted my first two close together (they're not - 2.5y apart) is to have a built in companion. Having an only child was the worst.
Some practical tips
1) baby wear the baby and have hands free
2) when talking to one kid, give them all your focus, bend down to eye level. That's about all the individual attention they need - to know that mommy is really listening
3) if possible on your bedtime routine, even if say Shema all together, give each kid a hug and talk for a minute or ask about their day
4) have snacks ready and easily accessible for kids to take themselves, prepare before they come home
5) set up games or toys to occupy them when they come home. Even if it's just rotating what you already have
Ex mon put the trains out like prepared like this is the activity. Tues take out the Magnatiles.

These are really good tips! Especially the preparing snacks before they come home and toys. I can't wear my baby for too long because it hurts my back, but I do like to as much as possible.
Thanks!
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Mama Bear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 05 2019, 1:44 pm
amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:


Talk to a teacher who runs a gan, and see how they handle a class full of kids all day. They have to juggle multiple needs and kids demanding attention. They might be able to give you some tips.


that would only work during playtime. It's also handling supper, baths, bedtime at the same time - when the kids are all so cranky already.


Chayalle wrote:


I'm a Mom with SIF. My DD is seven years younger than the child before her. She needed (and continues to need) an enormous amount of attention. I think this is due to the fact that she has no siblings in her age range to give it to her. She's always bored, as there's no one on her level to join in her games and interests. So I have to be the one.

Your kids are getting attention from each other. They will be okay. Just do your best, and don't worry so much.


Tell me about is. I have to be my 6 year old's playmate whenever he doesn't have a neighbor over. I feel bad for him.
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