What Would You Do?

amother

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 1:18 pm

So posting anon because I don't want connections to be made.

My husband is in school right now and he met a few non-religious guys who expressed interest in coming to our house for a Friday night shabbat meal. We invited them this week.

One of the guys just called my husband and asked if his girlfriend can come for the meal as well, she's in town and she'd like to come. His girlfriend is not Jewish, but she is going to convert soon. We said "yes."

Now here comes the problem, the other guy also has a significant other and we feel like if we don't extend and invitation he will be hurt. But....he would be bringing his boyfriend since he's gay.

Issues:
1. I don't want a gay couple at my shabbos table
2. I think the boyfriend is actually vegetarian, so now when I get home from work erev shabbos I have to figure out what to make (suggestions?)

I will caveat this by saying that my kids are way too young to notice anything strange and I've met both couples before and they are very fine people so I don't expect any PDA at the table etc.

Metukah

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 1:21 pm

You're amazing for even posting this question.

There's no way I'd agree to have someone not Jewish (unless in process of orthodox conversion) or a gay couple at my shabbos table. I'd freak out trying to find a way to get out of it.

Good luck.

amother

Tan

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 1:29 pm

This is totally cultural. I'm Lubavitch and while my kids are too young to have any concept of gay marriage, it doesn't faze me at all to host a gay couple especially if they are respectful. But that's because I grew up with a shlichus mentality and we had way stranger guests than gay couples.

amother

Beige

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 1:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you can put aside your personal discomfort, he will just be another guy at the table. As for food for him, you can stop by any deli and pick up a veggie dish or two to eliminate the extra work for you.

amother

Coffee

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 1:59 pm

I know it's a moot point now, but I think that you weren't obligated to invite this person's significant other just because the first guy called and invited his significant other. You invited individuals, not couples, and one asked if he could bring somebody. Your saying yes doesn't mean you have to start actively invited other "plus ones."

amother

Pink

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 3:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

UPDATE: The boyfriend doesn't want to come.

Phew! Smile

Leaving aside your "phew," think about what a kiddush Hashem you did by inviting this guy. You've shown that there is a literal and figurative place at our table for all Jews. And that while we recognize that some people may do things that we don't agree with halachially -- whether that's driving on Shabbat, eating treyf, wearing clothes that are not tzniut, or engaging in acts that are halachically forbidden -- they can still break bread with us.

amother

Pink

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 3:09 pm

Raisin wrote:

Are you sure he's not vegan? Otherwise, kugel is the perfect veggie dish. Or lentils and rice. Make enough so its a side for everyone, main for the veggie. Also veggies love chummus and dips in general.

Or if she has a pressure cooker, she can make a fabulous risotto in minutes.

lcraighten

Fri, Sep 06 2019, 3:51 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

I think she probably did. He would have shown up, seen the other guy's SO and probably been very insulted that his SO wasn't invited. It would have required an explanation as to why she was there and his was not and that is never a pleasant experience

FranticFrummie

Sat, Sep 07 2019, 2:56 pm

OP, I want to commend you on your honesty about being uncomfortable with the boyfriend, and with your willingness to push yourself beyond your comfort zone in order to keep peace in the family.

I know it's hard when our families do not turn out the way we expect. Nothing is ever as ideal as we imagine. Still, if we don't bring them close, they will drift away. Your kids always need to know that you are there if they need you, and by extending the invitation you sent a very positive message.

Our kids are going to do what they're going to do. All we can do is daven.