How many hours a week do you work? New York

little neshamala

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 6:19 pm

OP I hate to say it but I agree with your husband. I work 40 hours per week (as does my husband) and I only do it because thats what needs to be done.
Unless your husband is making a very high salary, the cost of living in New York (I live in monsey) usually is high enough that it necessitates 2 full time incomes.

And I resent that line about just because something needs to be done doesnt mean it should be done.

I do not work full time so that I can vaccation in Hawaii.

I work full time so that I can pay my mortgage (on my modest 4 bedroom hi ranch), pay my utility bills, my car insurance (on my 13 year old car), pay for non-brand name clothing for my children etc. If I dont work we cant afford basics. Yes, its hard, and requires a LOT of organization. But whats my alternative? Not paying for my car? Or should I leave the heat off during the winter? Maybe I shouldnt buy my kids school supplies?

When something has to be done, it has to be done.

ETA to specifically answer how its done, my hsuband helps a lot. Since we both work, we both help to take care of cleaning the house and taking care of the kids.

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 6:32 pm

Average of 40hrs/week plus commute. Do what I need to. Try not to think about it too much

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 6:34 pm

40 hours a week plus commute.

amother

Azure

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 7:28 pm

My husband works over 100 hours a week, so he works for both of us. I don't work... But we've recently had a discussion that there's just never enough money... I wonder if we will actually have more money if I would work, or he would just end up earning less and we'd end up with the same amount.

amother

Pink

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 7:35 pm

little neshamala wrote:

I HATE New York! The secular middle class is leaving in large numbers, but I haven't found the right place to go (yet).

chestnut

Sun, Sep 08 2019, 7:37 pm

I'd imagine right now most of cleaning, cooking, laundry, carpool, etc. falls on you.
Maybe explain to your husband if you were to work longer hours, you'd have to divide the responsibilities and/or get a cleaning lady twice a week. Also, who'd be with the kids after they come home?

amother

Denim

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:20 am

35ish I think plus commute and the work I bring home. My husband's in kollel and working on his secondary degree so he's only around to help on Fridays and bringing in minimal money, so no household help either.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 3:56 am

I work 45 hours a week. I don't like it but we have to pay our bills so..

watergirl

Mon, Sep 09 2019, 6:04 am

pecan wrote:

Just want to say that every family has different dynamics. People I know that work full-time with little kids either have husbands that are very helpful, have a nanny or housekeeper, have family support or rely on conveniences. It's all about priority and being honest about your capabilities with the help you have, the children you have ( some are more demanding) and what you value

It's funny how different all of our experiences are. People I know that work full time and husbands work full time dont have the nanny or housekeeper. We are honest about what our capabilities are.... and we plug on anyways because we have no other choice.

OP, I dont know how it will help you to know what my life is like but I will tell you what Dh and I do.

We both work between 40-50 hours a week plus more at home hours that are just expected for our jobs. No cleaning help (we cant afford it), no family help (they live too far away), no support and no programs. We do not go on any vacations, ever. No extra for that and no time to take off work anyways. We live simply. We BH own a small home in a town that is affordable, which we chose for this reason and a few others. The lifestyle where we live and values are similar to our own. We buy roasts, steak, etc almost never (one or two for Tishrei, one maybe for Pesach, and if there is a crazy sale then we may splurge). I make very simple dinners and my cleaning and laundry is always on catch-up mode. I am ok with that, its the best I can do. I prefer to sit and read with my kids, do homework with them, spend quality time with everyone and still go to bed around 9/9:30 each night. I let things slide that can slide. Thats ok.

My husband and I worked our schedules out so I leave the house at 7am and get home at 4. I dont see the kids in the mornings other than a kiss and hug. He drives morning carpool. We work it out... its just what we HAVE to do.

Its not easy. I am not super mom nor do I try to. Everything I do is simple. Thats it. Simple. And I let things go that can be let go.