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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
#BestBubby
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 12:24 pm
If you are doing the "going to authorities" route, buy an inexpensive small recording device - sells on ebay for $10. Can be pinned on inside of shirt pocket. Try to get recording of the kids bullying your son. Always good to have evidence.
There is also a pen video recorder which gets both video and audio (sound) but that is more expensive.
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 12:30 pm
#BestBubby wrote: | Don't agree with going to school or parents - at least not yet. Often makes things worse.
Even if you could stop the bullying, you can't force kids to be friends with your son, which is the goal.
Buy your kid an expensive or cool toy - like an electric scooter, a trampoline, a slush machine or cotton candy machine. Soon the other kids will be eager to be friends with your son.
Invite the ring leader bully to go on a special trip with your son.
Your kid should go out with a big bag of good nosh that he shares with his friends.
Koneh l'chah Chaver
I read a story in People Speak about a kid who was bullying children in a family. The mother went over to that kid with a big bar of chocolate and said I am giving you this chocolate because you are my children's friends. The mother did this a few times - and it worked. | I think this is very good advice, based on real life experience with this.
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keym
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 12:33 pm
#BestBubby wrote: | I said to try Bribery FIRST. If it doesn't work, then you will have to resort with going to authorities.
Did stopping the bullying help your son get friends? |
My son had other friends. He didn't need or want these boys as friends and neither did I.
He needed these boys to play with him respectfully or stay away.
Ime it's very rare for a "bullying personality" to really become friends with a "sensitive bullied kid" so bribery only works a little bit.
The bribery/cool toy thing works best not towards the bully, but rather towards other children.
Yossi is teasing and picking on my son Eli. So I invite Avrumi who has a similar gentle personality as Eli and let them bake together. It gives confidence and friendship. Inviting Yossi often best case creates a tolerated friendship with very uneven Dynamics in which neith Eli or Yossi are truly comfortable with themselves.
Just my experience.
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amother
Rose
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 12:34 pm
I would look into bully proofing, like the Bullies 2 Buddies system.
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:06 pm
Yeah, bullies are not kids you would want your son playing with anyway.
The important lesson is for your son to know there is nothing wrong with him and everything wrong with them.
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:07 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote: | Yeah, bullies are not kids you would want your son playing with anyway.
The important lesson is for your son to know there is nothing wrong with him and everything wrong with them. |
Am I the only one that thinks that bullies are really scared little boys inside? That with some extra doses of love and attention they will come round and learn to be kind and considerate human beings?
I really believe in hurt people, hurt people.
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:09 pm
ShishKabob wrote: | Am I the only one that thinks that bullies are really scared little boys inside? That with some extra doses of love and attention they will come round and learn to be kind and considerate human beings?
I really believe in hurt people, hurt people. |
That might be the case but it's not up to the bullied child that's suffering and being humiliated to fix this.
That's for his parents or a therapist.
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ShishKabob
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:15 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote: | That might be the case but it's not up to the bullied child that's suffering and being humiliated to fix this.
That's for his parents or a therapist. |
That's true, Isn't the op wanting to know what SHE can do about it?
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keym
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:17 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote: | That might be the case but it's not up to the bullied child that's suffering and being humiliated to fix this.
That's for his parents or a therapist. |
Exactly.
A kid is teasing and hurting my kid. I bribe them to play together with nosh. But the hurt kid doesn't stop being a hurt kid. So either he's still teasing my kid but "it's only cause we're such good friends so I'm calling you a loser". Or my kid picks up how to bully and now there are two hurt kids hurting kids, and one of them is my baby.
That kid needs help and understanding, but I can't sacrifice my kid.
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:36 pm
ShishKabob wrote: | That's true, Isn't the op wanting to know what SHE can do about it? |
I meant the bully's parents should take care of whatever issue that is making their child into a bully, not the OP.
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 1:38 pm
keym wrote: | Exactly.
A kid is teasing and hurting my kid. I bribe them to play together with nosh. But the hurt kid doesn't stop being a hurt kid. So either he's still teasing my kid but "it's only cause we're such good friends so I'm calling you a loser". Or my kid picks up how to bully and now there are two hurt kids hurting kids, and one of them is my baby.
That kid needs help and understanding, but I can't sacrifice my kid. |
Exactly.
You should not sacrifice your child because your child is nice.
Being good to people that are being mean is being mean to people that are being good.
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#BestBubby
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 6:21 pm
Sorry for being a bit off-topic.
I read a book about a boy who was bullied. When he moved to a new town, he dressed in a very tough kid style and walked around scowling - kids were afraid of him. The bullies in the new class invited him to join their gang, and now the new kid had a dilemma, should he join in the bullying? Would refusing "blow his cover"?
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amother
Apricot
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Mon, Sep 09 2019, 6:24 pm
#BestBubby wrote: | Sorry for being a bit off-topic.
I read a book about a boy who was bullied. When he moved to a new town, he dressed in a very tough kid style and walked around scowling - kids were afraid of him. The bullies in the new class invited him to join their gang, and now the new kid had a dilemma, should he join in the bullying? Would refusing "blow his cover"? |
And unfortunately that's how bullies" prosper".
Kids are scared of them. Parents are scared of them, trying to please them so they won't pick on their kid.
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amother
Mauve
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Sat, Sep 28 2019, 9:10 pm
Was the problem resolved ?
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