Spender vs saver in marriage

thegiver

Wed, Sep 18 2019, 9:36 pm

What works??? I do not like arguing over $. He tells me not to spend on my cc and withdraw from savings instead whenever I need to buy anything I need (clothing shoes dr visits etc). But as soon as we get extra earnings he is eager to spend it in education books paying his own debt which is growing over 6k bec he has a spending habit. We are arguing over a lousy $150 a month!!! So sad...

What is ur system that works? So you do not argue over $? Life has expenses. How do you come to agree on how to spend it without battling? Pls only helpful tips.

Also how do I not accrue credit card debt when buying in bulk? You need savings,right?

Teomima

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 1:47 am

Savings are savings. You should never buy regular purchases from savings. Set all that in a separate account that you don't touch.

Credit is bad. Always think of your credit card as debit. Charge only what you know you can already afford. Better yet, get rid of your credit card entirely and get a debit card. Debit is better than cash because you get a bill you can review and see where your money is going, vs cash which just seems to disappear into thin air.

But most importantly, sit down together and review your finances. Write down how much you have coming in every month. Then make a list of regular necessities: rent/mortgage, insurances, tuition, utilities, whatever monthly amount you put in your savings, etc. Deduct that total from your income. Then make another list of your regular expenditures such as groceries and doctor's visits. You have to make your grocery bill fit into what you can afford. There's no point paying a lot of money for bulk items if you don't have that money, even if it's cheaper per month. If you haven't got the money for it, then you can't afford it. Then, finally, whatever is left is your luxuries. Yes, books and clothes fall into this category. Don't go spending it all just because it's there, carry it over from month to month. That way you don't need to dip into savings that one month that everyone's shoes suddenly break and you need five new pairs for the kids, or if a chag is coming up and you need to buy extra meat. All this should come from your regular checking account. Again, savings is for savings!

When you get to the luxury category, that's where you and your dh can "haggle" over who gets to spend what. Your dh needs to acknowledge how spending and see it all on paper. Mine has gotten us into thousands of dollars worth of debt in the past before I took over all the finances and he started writing down his spending and taking responsibility for it. Yours needs to do the same. And no more credit card!

baby12x

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 2:43 am

Budget. Budget. Budget. BEFORE you get your paycheck you should decide how much you are spending on everything, including bulk items, his education books, debt repayment, and savings.

You don't buy bulk if you don't have the cash for it. Credit cards usually have an over 20% interest rate. Its highly doubtful you are saving enough on the bulk purchases to offset that interest rate.

Don't try to hack or coupon your way to financial stability. That comes after you have the money in the bank to back it up (ie cash). Once you have the money in the bank then you can start buying in bulk, buying early on sales etc.

Regarding you and your husband: make a money date. The two of you sit at a table with a yummy snack or even a nice drink and talk about your goals, your concerns regarding money. Once you understand what the other's goals are then you create a zero-based budget. A budget where you decide where your money goes BEFORE you get it.
An Envelope system is the best way to get this started: don't use credit cards, even for the points, until you REALLY get the hang of the budget.

Here are some links that may help you:
https://adimesaved.com/budgeti.....ystem

https://adimesaved.com/budgeti.....riage

Good luck!

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 8:02 am

Well, our system is pretty unusual, and probably wouldn't work for most people. We have (almost) no common money. DH (who makes more than 5 times as much as I do) pays all the bills and major expenses. I have a copy of one of his credit cards to make major purchases (large grocery bills, or when I have to order a bunch of shoes to try on, etc. If possible, I tell him ahead of time with really major purchases. He pays off his credit card bill every month.

I pay for small things (smaller grocery bills, particularly things I know DH wouldn't want to spend the money on, like pre-checked arugula) with my own debit of credit cards. I carry a lot of debt from the past when I was super bad with money, and am now trying to slowly pay it off and be very careful not to overspend.

We do have a joint bank account with a few thousand dollars in it, so that if something (ch"v!) should happen to DH, I will be able to pay rent until the life insurance money comes through.

It sounds like your problem is more that you are both living slightly beyond your means. For that, you need to set up a strict budget, and stick to it. Otherwise, your debt will keep balooning. It is better, as far as building credit, to put things on your credit card and then pay it off, not immediately, but slowly, to show that you can handle debt. Unless you already carry a lot of debt, in which care you need to pay it down and decrease your debt.