Trigger warning - DC spending a lot of money

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 7:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's a good idea to open credit cards for them in their names. I will do it tomorrow.

I struggled so hard to to pay tuition and all my expenses. I was driven while I don't think my children are. They will get because they are good kids and listen.

I don't want them having anxiety about money. I want them to feel secure but realistic.

Maybe I could give them a firm budget.

They need to open credit cards themselves I'm their own names. You doing it for them is continuing to set them up for failure.

amother

Azure

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 7:48 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

DH and I have a fund where we put aside $150 per kid per month (youngest 4 - older kids funds are doing well so only putting in $50 now). We aren’t rich. It’s direct deposit so it’s like we never had the money. Money is for wedding, setting up home and for them. We also put money in savings account for them on birthdays. I feel like that is their money to start life.

You may be better off putting the $60/month in savings or a fund for him (its amazing how fast the money grows - my older kids funds are very large) and let him use the money he earns. This way he’ll learn financial responsibility while having savings later in.

Having a set amount like $60 per month in cash isn’t horrible. It does teach budgeting to an extent because once the money is gone it’s gone so you have to make sure it lays. It does teach something. As long as you don’t bail him out when it’s not enough.

Can you please share what kind of fund this is?

amother

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 8:26 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

They need to open credit cards themselves I'm their own names. You doing it for them is continuing to set them up for failure.

They can't pay their bills as they are students. I don't want them to blow up their credit ratings.

chestnut

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 8:32 am

I think you should qualify that your 18 y old is a full time student, maybe having odd jobs here and there if he does.
The truth is, if he's in school or gap year, of course you pay the expenses if you can. If he's in college, he probably can get a part time job instead of you giving him pocket money, while you pay major expenses. Then let him be in charge of how often to go out to eat with friends.

flower2

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 8:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So you think $60 a week is reasonable?

Probably- a lot depends on location/costs.
Maybe have convo- how much is he spending on various meals/other things. You should not be footing steak dinner 2x/week but yes to pizza, Chinese dinner special, meat sandwich to supplement the schools food

amother

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 8:57 am

chestnut wrote:

It's two children. Both had summer jobs. DC 1 made $3000 in the summer. DC 2 made $600 in the summer. DC 2 is working and earning about $85 a week. We sent both off with pocket money of $400.

Both have a rough allowance of $60 a week. When I say rough, I don't give them a hard time if they go over a bit. It's more of a guideline. Also, if they call first and ask if they can charge a big purchase like clothes or a laptop, I take care of that and it doesn't come out of their allowance.

I don't want them having unlimited because that's not life. I don't want them having too little because of stress with money. I don't know if $60 a week is the right number.

amother

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:00 am

flower2 wrote:

Isn't that their choice? If they want one steak dinner a week, then they skip pizza. Isn't that what I am trying to get across? I don't want to control what they are eating.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 9:19 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Our circles overlap a bit. One DC has friends are already working and another DC has many friends married or engaged.

I don't want my kids financially independent, but I want them realistic. I plan to offer support when they are married. I want them to stay in school as long as possible which I think will be hard with society's pressure on them to get married. I am hoping that at least they will have BAs and a plan for grad school.

Okay.

At the beginning of the thread you said the 18 year old was earning money. The update is that the 18 year old earned $3000 over the summer - not currently earning money.

What is realistic? Tell them.

If you want them to stay in school - tell them. Tell the the consequences of leaving school with regard to you funding them. Make consequences.

flower2

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Isn't that their choice? If they want one steak dinner a week, then they skip pizza. Isn't that what I am trying to get across? I don't want to control what they are eating.

Steak dinners are not the norm for 18yo eating out w friends (unless maybe a birthday dinner). Normal eating out/supplementing dinners is pizza/Chinese special/sandwich type ($5-15ish) per meal.
If your kids is spending more per meal he needs a reality check/discussion of budgeting

chestnut

Thu, Sep 19 2019, 10:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ok, so for DC1 who's 18, as I said, if he's in college, he should be working part time and that should be his pocket money. If he decides he likes working and earning more than being in college, you can tell him that then you'll stop paying rent/phone/car/utilities/clothing. You're paying it only if he's in college.
If he's still in HS or gap year in Israel, then I hear about giving pocket money, but I personally wouldn't be ok with eating out every night (I don't know how it works in Israel for gap year, though).

DC2 who works part time and gets $85/week. How old is he? In school/gap year in Israel/college? Are you making him save it and instead give $60/week pocket money? I'd say, let him spend his earned money and stop giving pocket money, but continue paying for the rest as long as he's in college, so no desire to drop off