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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Learning
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 11:06 am
She talked basically of not liking your child in that moment. Resenting the difficult situation. But I think that you we got this child as a baby. Babies are pure and we just can’t not love them. I think if you don’t love your child it is a deep psychological problem within you. It means you don’t love yourself. We love our children no matter what happens. This is what human beings are if they are healthy
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behappy2
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 12:06 pm
Very much relate! And know others who do too.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:37 pm
Learning wrote: | She talked basically of not liking your child in that moment. Resenting the difficult situation. But I think that you we got this child as a baby. Babies are pure and we just can’t not love them. I think if you don’t love your child it is a deep psychological problem within you. It means you don’t love yourself. We love our children no matter what happens. This is what human beings are if they are healthy |
Agree. OP please get help immediately. I know from experience if this continues the child could be psychologically damaged for life. Don’t think a child can’t sense it. They do, and they never recover from it.
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sub
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 1:48 pm
Change it to don’t like certain behaviors or actions. It’s not the child we don’t like but rather some of the packaging.
That always help me put things into perspective.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:14 pm
My child
Is not a baby. 9 yrs old and I dread dealing with him. Did therapy and no results. Just feel overwhelmed.
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:25 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | My child
Is not a baby. 9 yrs old and I dread dealing with him. Did therapy and no results. Just feel overwhelmed. |
Therapy isn’t just something you do. IT has to Be ongoing and you have to do constant work. This kid is triggering you for some reason and you owe it to him to figure out what and why
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amother
Khaki
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:52 pm
OP, I can relate. I have a challenging dc who has triggered me since age 3.
#1 Be gentle with yourself. My breakthrough came with practicing the Loving Kindness Meditation. Search on youtube, right now. Over the past 8 years, I have done this meditation directed toward both myself and the challenging dc. I repeat it many times- lots of time in the bath or shower.
I've also done a Jewish Positivity course with CH Allen, practice imagery of pouring love in to this child and I have done a difficult person workthrough for dc. I began to have much more positive feelings toward DC and myself, after just 3 months of starting the program, and all areas of my life improved. I also work very hard on doing loving things for this DC daily, for my sake, not theirs.
I believe we have such challenges, to ask Hshem to help us get through them. If necessary, ask Hshem to help you WANT to feel positively toward DC. Elul is the EXACT best time to reach out to HIM. He will guide you to the best eitza for you, which may be different from mine. If you ask, you will see it unfold.
Hshem gave you this child because He knew YOU would be the best mother for this child, and what dc needs. You get better as a mother every day.
I didnt find therapy as helpful in this as improving my emunah and bitachon has helped. It has allowed me to separate from the challenging parts so I could begin to look for how I can love my child.
FYI no magic happened. DC is still challenging and difficult, but I ask Hashem to help guide me because DC is His child first.
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amother
Khaki
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 3:15 pm
Learning wrote: | I think if you don’t love your child it is a deep psychological problem within you. It means you don’t love yourself. We love our children no matter what happens. This is what human beings are if they are healthy |
What you say is true, but not every child is healthy or typical, and not every mother is healthy, typical, or even has an unlimited skillset, money to pay for others' skillsets or patience. It is possible to be a good person, a growing person and have big challenges with one dc, due to personality, disability, illness, mental health issues, trauma, etc. It is not unusual to find mothers of all ages, experience, and all sizes of families who struggle in their relationship more with one dc than others. It may not be expressed for fear of people judging one as a mother, or thinking you're not normal. There are things one can do to help the relationship. This is a great forum for someone who wishes they could change but wants anonymity in RL. Growth in how you feel about your DC is possible. Owning up to the issue is commendable.
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behappy2
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Sun, Sep 22 2019, 3:33 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | My child
Is not a baby. 9 yrs old and I dread dealing with him. Did therapy and no results. Just feel overwhelmed. |
Feel free to pm me for non judgmental chizuk!
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