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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur
Non Jewish Babysitter
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:08 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:
Yes I agree. I heard a choshuve person say it’s a terrible thing to have non Jewish nannies and also a highly respected frum therapist said those parents don’t understand what they’re exposing their children to and he’s seen those children end up marrying a [gentile]


The highly respected frum therapist has also not seen 99% of the population with non-jewish babysitters who have NOT married a not Jewish person.

Such an absurd argument.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:26 pm
Rashi has another idea on it. Look him up. The therapist is possibly talking of someone RAISED with non jews
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:36 pm
tichellady wrote:
I don’t buy this whole avodah is to stay home with the kids argument. You need to make sure your kids are in a safe and loving environment, that doesn’t mean you literally need to be with them all day. If you already use a babysitter it means you aren’t with your kids all day. Why suddenly on rosh hashana do you need to be a SAHM?


I hear both sides. But I feel that women who are going to stay home with their kids , who are not paying for childcare anyway, for whatever reason, need to realize how valuable their day is, even if their formal tefilla is curtailed or compromised.

If this thread's plan can work, wonderful.
If women are happy sharing childcare so they can split davening, wonderful.
One thing I do NOT condone is women having their kids babysit so they can daven. If the kids are of an age where they can babysit, the mothers should facilitate their going to shul if they want to. If they're going to be home anyway, like say, when I had an older daughter with a headache and I knew the kids would b"H be easy, I would go out for Yizkor (which GASP I sometimes missed, but I had a role model for missing Yizkor: the mother I was saying Yizkor for) and part of mussaf on Yom Kippur.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:42 pm
amother [ Burgundy ] wrote:
Yes I agree. I heard a choshuve person say it’s a terrible thing to have non Jewish nannies and also a highly respected frum therapist said those parents don’t understand what they’re exposing their children to and he’s seen those children end up marrying a [gentile]


Oh, come on.
I don't know if it's optimal. I do have a friend who had a gentile housekeeper who was wonderful with her kids so did day care when needed. She was a nice lady. I think she was really happy davening at home over yom tov so AFAI remember she didn't have her come in on yom tov.
I don't know if it's optimal but I don't know what the other options for these imamothers are so I will reserve judgment. I think that it is possible to have a good and trusting relationship with a nanny, etc. but I also am not naive. I still don't see how these kids end up marrying out because of the help.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:44 pm
amother [ Purple ] wrote:
I must have missed where OP asked for your self righteous, judgemental, and narrow minded opinion on the appropriateness of having non jewish babysitters.


To be fair, look at the OP's thread title. She's inviting comment from imamothers who aren't comfortable with the situation, or for yom tov.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 2:51 pm
It sounded like op wants to get her moneys worth. It doesn't sound like it was for any other particular reason.
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renslet




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 4:26 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
OT but I don’t understand this. I thought cleaning ladies just clean?

She's been around for years. Totally helps with whatever is needed, help getting the kids dressed, a bit of babysitting etc BH
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 4:54 pm
If you have to pay her anyway, definitely. Go to shul for a bit. And if she is willing to do stuff like wash your dishes and tidy up and make salads for lunch all the more so have her come.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 5:19 pm
tichellady wrote:
I don’t buy this whole avodah is to stay home with the kids argument. You need to make sure your kids are in a safe and loving environment, that doesn’t mean you literally need to be with them all day. If you already use a babysitter it means you aren’t with your kids all day. Why suddenly on rosh hashana do you need to be a SAHM?


I guess we just have different views. When I'm working, I work. When home with the kids I just want to be with them and enjoy my time with them. Of course not every moment is enjoyable , but I appreciate the non enjoyable too. I don't know why a mother who works would give her kids over to babysitter when she is actually home. The happy compromise would be have the babysitter come to help you get ready for shul, and help you take kids to shul.
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amother
Lemon


 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 5:22 pm
octopus wrote:
I guess we just have different views. When I'm working, I work. When home with the kids I just want to be with them and enjoy my time with them. Of course not every moment is enjoyable , but I appreciate the non enjoyable too. I don't know why a mother who works would give her kids over to babysitter when she is actually home. The happy compromise would be have the babysitter come to help you get ready for shul, and help you take kids to shul.


BH Yom tov is long enough that I have plenty of time to spend with my kids even if I take two hours out in the morning to go to shul. Some of my kids are too young to be in shul, so they can't join me there. The ones who can, do come along. So they benefit too, because otherwise I would not be able to take them at all.
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imasoftov




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 5:53 pm
Ruchel wrote:
Rashi has another idea on it. Look him up.

How would someone look that up? What would one search for?
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 6:07 pm
octopus wrote:
I guess we just have different views. When I'm working, I work. When home with the kids I just want to be with them and enjoy my time with them. Of course not every moment is enjoyable , but I appreciate the non enjoyable too. I don't know why a mother who works would give her kids over to babysitter when she is actually home. The happy compromise would be have the babysitter come to help you get ready for shul, and help you take kids to shul.


Some moms like going to shul on the holidays. Some like to be home with their kids. Some don’t like to be home with their kids and want to use the time to relax or recharge. Some moms like to take their kids with them to shul. Op should do whatever she wants. If she would find having another set of hands useful, she should have her babysitter come. If she wants time alone in the house then she shouldn’t have her come.
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sub




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Sep 22 2019, 6:28 pm
Octopus
Woman who work from home might need a sitter. Working from home allows them flexibility but deadlines must be met and sitters help.
As I get older I realize that there is no one size fits all. Of course yom tov is a wonderful time to be with our children. However every person is different. One mother feels that she wants to daven for one hour with kavana in shil another wants to daven at home with a sitter, another needs to lay down, and yet another wishes to spend the whole yom tov with her kids. One perhaps has parents to take care if ( sandwich generation) or has other situations,

Op- try it, see if you’re comfortable with your sitter in your house on yt ( she is your steady, right?) while you are in shul. If not go home and let her go early.
A gut gebentched yur to all
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