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amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:30 pm

watergirl wrote:

Yeah, then I guess I am giving you the same message. ALL homes, other than these new ones, are "someone else's old lived in home" for crying out loud! Other than these silly new construction things that are a strange phenomenon that seems to exist only in Lakewood and maybe Monsey. The rest of the world (and the frum world) is somehow able to understand what you refuse to get - we ALL buy previously lived in homes.

Accept what you can because you cant get more - its true! If you have $10, you can only spend $10. Are you reading what you are writing?

You want more but you admit you can not afford more. So you cant have more - YET. IYH one day you can! But that day is not now.

If you truly are the simple type you claim you are, you would be able to understand where you are in life and be happy with it. A dichotomy exists for you it seems. I hear that! Sometimes we want what is out of our reach.

Zero cheshek to move into someone else's "old lived in outdated home", if that is all you can afford, is a sign. A massive red flashing sign that you are not ready for home-ownership yet.

Your limitations are self made. You can HAVE the "more" you want, but you have put limits on yourselves. So you have a choice to make.

"Just accept what you can bec you can't get more" is a real thing. Its called life!

Firstly, please a gentler tone. You may have some valid points but are coming across unsympathetic and harsh. I only help and encouragement here, not mussar.
Secondly, what do you mean I'm not ready for home ownership yet? I'm currently living in a townhouse rental and want to feel I'm getting more by making this huge step.
My limitations are not self made at all. It's called living with certain minhagim and taking others in my household into account such as dh and kids. This is the lifestyle we live and lead.
yes, I'm simple and don't have high hasagos and go without a lot, however I appreciate nice and new and cleanliness. There's a part of me that's still feminine and Hungarian and once I'm doing this and working so hard to attain it, I want it to be nice and appealing.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:32 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

Totally agree.

Op I really get you, we live in a very expensive area and weren't willing to move outward because we love it here. Which meant we had to settle A LOT when we bought our home. It's smaller than we wanted, and some other features we didn't love but we were adamant on the area, had a strict budget, so we had to deal.

Is it mind boggling to me when I see an adorable newlywed couple moving in to a 750K home? You bet, but it has nothing to do with me.

If you are set on one area, set on your budget, something's gonna have to give.

Thank you for getting me. Just curious, what did you settle on and how does it affect your day to day life?
I won't settle on ruchniyus but want somewhat the gashmiyus also.
It's more painful than anything else when I see others living so much more easily than me. I feel I'm losing out from both ends, slaving away always and never having money and to top it all off, such a big purchase, have to settle for so much. It just doesn't seem fair.

honey36

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:35 pm

I bought a house recently in a different area and my parents paid for most of it but I wanted to address your other issues since the father thing doesn't seem to be your main problem

As others have said, your never going to get the house of your dreams if you have a certain budget etc. So I would just buy this one for a number of reasons:

1. From personal experience, I also wasn't so happy about my house when I bought it, it's small, tiny kitchen only 2 bathrooms, no master ensuite so I have to share my bathroom with the kids etc. But I found that after living in it for a year, I don't mind these things as much. It's all what you get used to. Just like ppl in Israel have to plan their showers an hour before to turn on the hot water or hang their underwear to dry if they don't have a dryer and to americans this is crazy but their used to it so doesn't bother them at all. Sure, I can't help comparing when I go to friends home whose kitchen is as big as my whole main floor, but I just think about how for right now my home works for me, and enjoy it! BH I have a home! I would never think oh it's not fair others have bigger when I'm working harder. Life is not a race. This is basic hashkafah 101.

In terms of repairs in older homes, as previous posters said all homes need repairs. I think my home is 50 years old but previous owners upkept it well and it's in pretty good shape. I speak to my friends who have brand new beautiful mansions and their constantly doing repairs. For sure if you buy from a builder and don't build it yourself with your own contractor, there will always be repairs needed because builders just do wtvers cheapest to save money.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:37 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Life isn't fair - and pain is part of life.

Iymnok

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:37 pm

Would owning be cheaper in the long run? It may be worthwhile just for that. You will have more money in your pocket, and your upgrades will raise the resale value. Selling and upgrading will always be a possibility.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:39 pm

Iymnok wrote:

I'm waiting for final price from mortgage broker but my husband says it'll be cheaper each month than what we're paying now, that of course provided we have the basement rental. My father felt there's no resale value in this house.

Iymnok

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:41 pm

Talk to someone who does fix-and-flips in your area to get An idea of what could make it sellable. That is exactly their business.

groovy1224

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Well as I said it was smaller than we wanted.

The basement was unfinished and we didn't have the money to finish it up (we still haven't done it), so we have to use one of the bedrooms as a playroom/guestroom. I REALLY wanted a basement playroom situation, and now when we have a guest it's hard because my kids can't go straight to the playroom shabbos morning like they usually do. It's not life or death, but it's a drag.

There's no master bath, that was also a real hit for me. And some other small things.

BUT, overall we are happier, my kids are happier, and we are able to afford it. It was so so tempting to stretch ourselves to afford something bigger but I'm so glad we didn't.

My in laws literally gasped when they heard the price we paid. It sounds like a lot, and you'd think for that price we'd have bought a huge home. And in many parts of the country it would have, but not in our area.

I know it's painful to work so hard and still have to settle so much. That's just the reality of the housing market sometimes though. If it helps, you are not alone, so definitely take some time to be upset about it. But when it comes to decision making, take out your notions of what's 'fair' or 'right' because it won't affect your bottom line.

amother

Jade

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:52 pm

OP Just another perspective-many ppl on this site and in real life don't have a father who can afford to pay their down payment. Thefore hearing you complain over and over again- you sound like a whiny girl. I def understand your frustration but it may be time to reframe and appreciate what you have.

watergirl

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 12:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The main drawback of message boards is that you can not hear my tone. I do not intend to come across harshly. I re-read my other posts and I do see where I pointed out to you where your language shows immaturity, and aside from that, I am not seeing a harsh tone but I will try to be more aware. I do think its important for you to see where you can change your outlook. You have said repeatedly that you dont want a previously owned home, and I want you to understand that there is nothing wrong with a house like that.

By not being ready for home-ownership, I mean it takes a certain amount of maturity and ability to be realistic with one's abilities to make this purchase. When I was a first time homeowner, I was in no way ready to buy the house. I've been there, and many people are there also. I understand you. I made the statement because if you can not understand that if money and location are limiting you, then you have to make a choice. Its not an easy one. I know.

You can have nice. You can have Hungarian cleanliness. I promise, new carpet/laminate floor and new paint will do wonders to an older home! And 20 years old is not older. I know its disappointing to see other people buying something new and fancy. I do know! But I also know the deep sense of satisfaction that comes with staying within my means.

Is the reason you are limited to this area that its the only area thats within walking distance to your husbands shul? I get that. We were limited to a certain area so my husband could walk to the mikvah on shabbos. So we bought the best thing that we could afford. When it comes time to sell our house, I have no idea who will buy it. I'm sure it wont sell easily. That was not part of our cheshbon in buying this house for various reasons.

You sound like you really don't like this house though. And you also mentioned that you would be depending on rental income from the basement? Here is a question for you - are you sure you will be able to get renters in your area?

Are there any condos in your area that are cheaper and newer that would be more palatable to you?

The main thing I was replying to before was this:

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Just accept what you can bec you can't get more. But I want more, especially for so much money.

and this:

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have zero cheshek to move into someone else's old lived in outdated home. For that, I can stay where I am.

This was the same sentence but I broke it up into two to show you where I think people are having a hard time being supportive and not mussaring.
I know you want more. I say this with empathy. I know what its like to not want to settle with reality. I do! But - if you have a financial limitation and a location you need to stay in, what are your choices?

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 1:08 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Actually my father can't either afford it and it's not like he hands us money every day. We completely manage on our own. This is a one time gift and yes I appreciate what I have and want to make the most of it.

gamanit

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 1:11 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

I'm someone who doesn't have anyone who can afford to pay my downpayment for me. I can still empathise with someone who is finally reaching the point of being able to own their own home and can't afford anything really nice. It's very disappointing. It does put a damper on owning your own home, for sure. I don't think calling her a whiny girl will make her any more happy about living in a home that isn't in ideal condition.

OP- I do think that since real estate does generally go up in price and rarely goes down by a significant amount it is probably best to buy now and save up for renovations later on. In real estate the most important thing is location. If the area is good don't worry about the home being in bad condition to resell. The lot will always retain value even if the house would need to be completely demolished. What you need to do is think long and hard if the area feels right for you. If you can visualize your family being happy there then go for it.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 1:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Honestly, he's probably right, if you're talking about Sterling Forest or Whispering Pines. These homes were not built well (for anyone saying that 20 years old isn't bad: by Lakewood junky new construction standards, 20 years is a lifetime) and with the new chassidish influx moving to newer places, there won't be much demand down the line.

OP, a really nice facelift shouldn't cost more than $30k (as long as you're not talking about replacing the kitchen - I mean flooring, paint, bathrooms, basement, deck). $30k is generous, you can really make it nice and fresh on less than that.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 1:57 pm

yes, I'm talking about Whispering Pines and just spoke with someone else who knows real estate and she told me these homes were built to last 20 years and after that everything falls apart and we will be busy fixing and shelling out money for repairs every month. She very much talked me out of it.
However, my husband disagrees and is so disappointed and hurt! He feels he invested so much energy and time into making this happen and now I'm backing out on him. I told him I wasn't excited about it all along but he wasn't hearing me. Now he's so hurt and I don't want to hurt him! That's the last thing I want to do! We made up he will speak with Rav who will be in town tomorrow. This is so complicated!
I told him if he disagrees and feels it's a great deal, he should just go ahead with it and not wait for my consent. I would rather have a terrible deal than have a miserable husband.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:02 pm

Sometimes when I find myself wanting it all and resenting that I can't have it, I think of an old project management concept I learned in college many moons ago.

Project managers want their projects done better (good quality), faster (self-explanatory!) and cheaper. It is almost impossible to achieve all of these with any project. So, realistically, professional project managers pick 2 of the 3 to prioritize and have to give a bit on the third.

So, if your priorities are location, price and quality of the house (whatever that means to you), you might need to decide which 2 of the 3 are most important, and which is the one you can flex on a little bit.

I apply this concept A LOT in various areas of my life and it gives me good perspective.

Sebastian

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:31 pm

OP, Sterling Forest is newer and closer to shopping than Whispering Pines. Can you look there first?

I would not pay more than 400k for Whispering Pines. I very much agree with your friend.You're better off buying an older home that's not a townhouse, there built to last.

amother

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:33 pm

Sebastian wrote:

We would maybe consider Sterling Forest but it won't be walking distance for my husband anymore to his Shul.

amother

Blush

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:33 pm

Op I want to wish you much hatzlacha and clarity in making your decision. I happy that you have a rav to speak to.

amother

Blue

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

That's where I grew up, and that's where I saw some families really Do a nice job on the inside of the home.

If your husband is taking this so personally, you need to find a way to communicate to him that it's not personal, it's just a matter of your opinion.

amother

Blue

Tue, Sep 24 2019, 2:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We would maybe consider Sterling Forest but it won't be walking distance for my husband anymore to his Shul.

Can he get used to a different shul?

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