You'll always be mine AMI

honeymoon

Sun, Oct 20 2019, 1:37 am

top mom wrote:

Maybe she was one of the amothers here who posted, "No birth control works for me, Heeellllllp!!!!" Wink

Or, "I just found out that orthodox Jewish women actually do take birth control! I'm in total shock! What has our world come to???" Wink

giselle

Sun, Oct 20 2019, 8:55 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

What I could not understand at all is how the mother can get pregnant. So not OK. If she could not take care of her current children she certainly should not have more. And it was due to her negligence in the first place that she had a micro preemie. The dr. warned her to stay off her feet. She had no right to be chasing after kids when her baby's survival was in danger, even if she had to hire help or get chesed help. Totally dysfunctional parents.

Yes that bothered me most as well. Definitely dysfunctional, unless it really was unplanned. But I get the impression of overall dysfunction.

I also wonder, if it’s really true, how does Bina feel about being portrayed in such a negative light?

the world's best mom

Tue, Oct 22 2019, 11:00 pm

This is a very common problem for foster parents. Of course they become attached to the child they are raising, and then they are expected to return the child to its parents. That's always extremely difficult, and they don't get over it, especially if they had the child long term. I feel for Binah, but she did need to give the kid back when the time came.

When the child was returned, there should have been a gradual change, in which the child has a chance to get used to his new family while still maintaining the bond with his foster mother. He must have been traumatized by the sudden change, especially since, when being ripped away from his foster mother, he was forced to make the change from a spoiled only child to a poor kid in middle of a large, active family. That takes a lot of getting used to. It was very selfish of his parents to force him to make the change so suddenly without the necessary preparations.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 12:16 am

Neither was free of fault. But it was clear that the volunteer’s motives were not pure. She didn’t do it because the child needed it. She did it because it made her feel good.

When she spoke about preparing to take home the child, all she spoke about was the stuff she bought. The fancy stroller and stuff.

The upsherin too, all done to impress everyone. And the way she listed the guests - a whole list of people, and then - oh, unfortunately his real parents will be there too.

And already planning his bar mitzvah - using this child to feed her personal fantasies.

The biological parents may not have had an ideal situation - she surely shouldn’t have gotten pregnant so fast. But the volunteer was clearly a narcissist masked in altruism.

chestnut

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:48 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Chances are, the change would have been gradual if the birth mother didn't encounter Bina's attitude

top mom

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:52 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Exactly my thoughts
When she started listing all her expenses, while including the expensive luxury items, I couldn't see her point of view anymore.
I do not feel bad for her if she went into debt for an unnecessary, totally over the top upsherin.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 7:54 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

I agree.
I enjoy these "scandalous" stories much more than the typical sukkos stories. I don't relate to their "relatable stories". With no frum extended family, and having a very dysfunctional immediate family I get annoyed at the constant cutesy stories about families that are functional, and fights between my non-existent cousins.

Someone tell me when there's a story that has fighting in the sukka with the parents loudly shouting "WERE IN THE SUKKA WE NEED TO ACT F*CKING NICELY (AKA pretend we are normally)

The "scandalous" stories spark interesting conversations, and food for thought. Cutesy stories don't really give me anything as they are completely unrelatable.

Frenchfry

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 12:25 pm

A couple of months ago, there was achessed fund raising money for a mother to get her child back. The was a thread on this site discussing it.

I assumed this is what this whole story was about.

In any case, we'll never know what really happened, but I do think the reporting was slanted. The article even started out by saying two ladies loved one child, but one's love was misguided, or something like that.

amother

Teal

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 4:42 pm

IMO they're both disfunctional. For bina I saw a red flag when it was mentioned that she doesn't see her own kids. (One living abroad and one in yeshiva? IIRC)
And for the biological family. Seriously? Your house is so disfunctional that one child is not living at home. And you become pregnant again?

Just my 2 cents

amother

Puce

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 5:53 pm

It sounds like the "foster" mother was under the impression that she'll get the child because she loves him more and the biological parents are dysfunctional, and the biological parents were under the impression that she was first just a babysitter, then taking the child out of cruelty. Both were wrong, but the biological parents could have called the police because all they had was an at will agreement, so the "foster" mother was technically kidnapping.

Tzutzie

Wed, Oct 23 2019, 8:23 pm

I don't feel it's right to say all the details. But that kid adjusted fine with biological family.

The volunteer had a previous longstanding relationship with the biological parents.... she wasn't a random stranger..... the story isn't as dysfunctional as it seems in the article.
There is more to it too.

Bina and shaindy are not on talking terms and it eneded up as a big stink unfortunately.

Chaya123

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:28 pm

My gut reaction to the story was heartbroken for the poor child who was so confused. I thought maybe the real parents should've gradually removed him with help of social workers to ease the transition. On the other hand, being how the foster parent was so possessive over him, if they wouldn't have gone to such extreme measures, they may never have gotten back their child. Who knows what she could've done with him. Yes, it was definitely very unhealthy how Binah got so attached to the child and went so all out for him. Like the story in "Holy Woman", where she raised a child left at her doorstep and also never signed any legal adoption papers, and then the mother showed up one day years later demanding her child and she had to hearbreakingly return the child. However she said, "every mother deserves her child" and she would've returned her either way, regardless of legal adoptions processes.

Chaya123

Thu, Oct 24 2019, 12:30 pm

I also thought of the book, Daughter of 2 Mothers, and how she was literally torn away brutally from her own mother by "well meaning" relatives who decided on their own that she was incapable of raising her own child, and how Leychu was raised by a wealthy Hungarian childless couple, not even knowing all those years that she's "adopted". Sigh, I get so sad every time I think of that story. Sad