Who is right? | Imamother

amother

Pink

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 11:34 am

You DH is wrong. 14 years old is old enough to have some autonomy on decisions that are not dangerous, unhealthy or inappropriate.

If your DH creates a fight for something so small, I wouldn't be surprised if your DS rebels in some other way. This shouldn't even be a question. Give your DS the $12 and let him go to the barber.

baby12x

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 11:37 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I think DH is being unreasonable. A haircut once every 6 weeks is not unreasonable.

I would offer to pay 1/2 for barbershop - or maybe DS knows a yeshiva bochur who gives haircuts cheap. Most yeshivas or mikvahs have one. Or Mom should learn to shave hair - it's not hard.

Unless you're really, really poor parents should be paying for basic hygiene and self care expenses. Where would a 14 year old get money for a haircut?
Getting haircut every 6 weeks is NOT a luxury.
I think 6 weeks is probably average for someone who cares or has very short hair.
My boys don't care and have longer hair (yeshivish style not long but not shaved) and 6 weeks doesn't seem crazy to me.

chestnut

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 3:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Dh wont agree him to pay for barber to do it , Dh feels he wants haircut way to often.

Is 6 weeks later considered to fast ??

Why does it bother your DH so much? Is it really that hard for him to give him a haircut, even every week? And not letting the boy to pay the barber? Why so controlling?

freilich

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 4:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I soo agree to this!

Thing is seems dh has different perspectives...

I dont have the strength to even bring it up to my dh since he will be upset I dont trust him or he will feel im not with him but in the other hand I really dont agree with dh.

OP, there's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking differently than DH. That's a normal healthy relationship. As a couple, we should strive to be on the same page, but it cannot always happen.

It seems like your husband feels threatened here. As if your infringing in his territory. This is more like a ego issue here, hey I'm the father here , and therefore I understand boys best.

What you gotta do is think long and hard why this is triggering to him. Because this is a pretty rational thing from a healthy kid. See how you can approach him in a way that will get him to open up about why this is bothering him.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 5:05 pm

chestnut wrote:

Why does it bother your DH so much? Is it really that hard for him to give him a haircut, even every week? And not letting the boy to pay the barber? Why so controlling?

Is it controlling or is it because DH finds it to be a difficult chore and money is tight? I'm not controlling my sons' preferences, but I literally HATE cutting their hair, so I drag it out as long as possible. And paying for a barber is not in our budget right now. And DH refuses to learn how to cut their hair. Thankfully, my kids don't make it out to be such an issue.

OP - you need to clarify why DH is refusing to cut your son's hair or pay for a barber. That makes all the differences as to how to respond.

zaq

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 9:20 pm

It’s not a matter of right and wrong. It sounds like a completely unnecessary power struggle, mostly on your dh part. There are surely more meaningful issues about which to clash with one’s ds.

If ds doesn’t like having “big hair”—doesn’t matter if it itches him, if he feels slovenly or if it’s out of style in his crowd—he should be allowed to cut it. If dh can’t be bothered then he should let ds go to a barber. I can’t believe your dh is making a fuss about this. Most fathers would be thanking their lucky stars that their teenage ds wants to get his hair cut at all.

Erm...is there a reason why ds can’t cut his own or get a friend to do it? My ds does his own. With the zhuzher-type clippers you don’t have to have any great tonsorial skill.

dankbar

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 5:41 am

if the fight is now about not giving him a haircut, will your dh be happier when he let's it grow long & refuses a haircut? It will only be him to blame!

amother

Cerise

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:31 am

If its just annoying to your dh can you shave him? Is he caring about looks or sensory? Either way, can't you just do it yourself?

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:41 am

Every six weeks is not at all too often for a guy. The shorter the hair the more often it needs to be cut to stay in shape. Mine is scissors-cut to maybe an inch and a half or two inches on top, and even so by six weeks it’s getting shaggy and shapeless and my hairdresser marvels at how much hair she has to sweep up when she’s done.

amother

Mon, Oct 28 2019, 8:44 am

Thanks all . End of story dh gave in and did the haircut, tho im still trying to pull the reason behind why he made a fuss about it.