My neighbors 5 year old really irks me. Am I terrible?

amother

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:49 pm

My dd is best friends with my neighbors dd. They are both 5. They play together a ton. Problem is they always want to play by me and never by her. Sometimes the a great by me for long periods of time, theyll entertain themselves and I wont hear from them. Other times they just annoy me. Ask for snacks and drinks every 15 mins, make a huge mess they dont clean up, are not nice to my younger child etc. Sending this kid home is a nightmare. She literally will not leave. Shell just look at me and stay put. Sometimes I have to get dressed to go get her mom to take her home. The problem is that there arent a lot of friends for my daughter around and she really likes this kid so if I keep splitting them up my daughter is left kinda bored so sometimes I just put up with it. I am so burnt out from her from over rh/yk/sukkos. This week my sister offered to take my 5 year old cuz she didnt make yt and she wanted to give me a break. The sick thing is, I didnt even care to get rid of my dd I just dont want this kid in my house so I sent my dd to my sis for shab. How crazy am I?!?!

amother

Teal

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 4:57 pm

Not crazy at all, very understandable!
I have a large family and a lot of very nice friendly neighbors, the constant knocking sometimes drives me nuts!
But just like you I don't say anything because I want my kids to have friends and if I say no they say they're bored so...
Don't worry! I'm sure your daughter will have a very nice shabbos by her aunt and you'll be fine next week when she comes back!!
Sometimes all we need is a break! You're lucky to have a sister to give you one!!!
Enjoy!

amother

Copper

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 5:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just dont get why u dont mention your dd go to neighbors house as well, it has to be set timing when u can take and when u should be able to send back to her. Regarding asking for snack and nudging , I totally get u! That can pull your nerves off . It doesnt sound like u speak up or set up limits how much u can handel having her. Why dont u ever discuss this with mom of neighbor that u dont mind having her over for 1 hour twice or 3 times a week and if u can send to her the other days ,
There is a certain amount of patience u can have having over a nudgy type and messing up the house , I wouldn't allow this. sometimes are kids who doesnt bother but if she does bother talk to her mom. Its ok you sent her away if she went happy. We can all use a break after yum tuv!

amother

Indigo

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 5:16 pm

You need to get control of the 5 year neighbor. You are boss of your house not her. If it is not convenient to give snacks every 15 minutes, set the time you are comfortable with. When she refuses to leave, tell her she is not welcome back for a week. If she still refuses to leave, then make it two weeks. If you need to call her mother, tell her it will make it a month.

Don't go get her mother, call her mother to get her kid.

Then keep your word.

We had one of those annoying neighborhood kids. The only thing that worked was strict boundaries.

amother

Fri, Oct 25 2019, 5:28 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Thanks for this response! It is really validating and I have a feeling itll be the only one Smile

I suspect a lot of others not really getting it and just accusing me of being a wimp. I dont want my daughter only having a friend for 1 hour every other day.. shes easily bored and I ill find it hard to entertain her!

amother

Sat, Oct 26 2019, 10:01 pm

oneofakind wrote:

If they are nudging you together that means they are both bored and you aren't gaining anything from having her there. Either help them find something to do or send her home (yes, mother should come get her) and you tell girl there is a consequence for not listening. Maybe it's time to teach daughter how to entertain herself.

You are right. I do know this about her. Shes VERY easily bored. I was never one to sit on thr floor and play but over yt I took out some games for us to play together and it went really well (math puzzle, shopping for shabbos, chutes and ladders, candyland) but as soon as im done with her shes bored again. I still need to be a mom to others and prep meals and clean up etc. Some kids just arent as good as imaginative play. Im grateful for the ones who are!

groisamomma

Sat, Oct 26 2019, 10:18 pm

Totally understandable! It used to drive me nuts when the neighbor's kid stood around watching us eat supper. I realized that some kids, even 10-year-olds, need social graces spelled out for them. I usually throw the ball in DD's court. "DD, say goodbye to your friend, it's suppertime." In the beginning, DD would argue with me but she quickly learned that meant no friends over the next day. Nowadays when I say supper the neighbor's kid knows to leave. Actually, my kids leave the kitchen area with their friends or tell them to come back later when I get home from work. I need my space, and I want to listen to their stories without random kids underfoot. I totally get you.

If they raided the nosh cabinet I'd say to the neighbor's kid, "Sweetie, go get a snack from home and come back when you're done eating. DD will have her snack here." Your DD should know to get a snack from your house when she's playing there, too.

seeker

Sun, Oct 27 2019, 12:12 am

Boundary setting is probably in order, but as for the rh/yk/sukkos burnout - yes it has been a LONG month! These kinds of times call for either extra boundaries OR extra acceptance of your short temper, burnout, whatever it is. Hopefully now you will have a chance to get into a routine that allows you more breathing space. Don't know about you but where I come from there is a lot less neighbor-mixing on school days.