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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
How to help him adjust



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Oct 31 2019, 8:09 pm
Bh I have a precious 1.5 year old son, he is my first child and the love of my life. Ive been given the zechut of staying home with him and weve developed a very special and strong bond. I always wanted a few kids, iyh and BH I am now pregnant. However, a part of my excitment is dampered secondary to my anxiety about how my toddler will transition. I am very early in my pregnancy but already thinking about this. Any materials/advise/recommendations to help him with the adjustment of a new baby iyh?
Thanks
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 31 2019, 9:06 pm
I think we just had a very similar thread.
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Ima4therecord




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 31 2019, 9:25 pm
My daughter is two and my son is now 4 months K'H

After all my research and stuff and experience I'll tell you what worked for me/what I did

Close to end of pregnancy I said "baby is in mommies tummy." and a "baby's coming soon." She didn't really say anything but I thought to put it iin her mind.

When I got back from the hospital and saw my daughter, I greeted her without the baby, tried to spend time with her alone for a little. When she was in a good mood I asked her if she wanted to meet someone, and I introduced her to baby. I didn't say that was her brother or my other child or anything right away, I just chilled

I tried to be careful about saying that I love my son right away in front of her because I thought she would feel betrayed... I think after a few weeks with her realizing he was part of the family I would say I love both of them. and I saw the look in her eyes of confusion but eventually she got used to it lol.

It's very normal for toddlers to hit younger kids. Toddlers don't know how to regulate emotions really yet so that's a way to express themselves. An adult blowing up and making a giant reaction will only cause more issues in my experience. I tried everything and it was only when I calmy said "we don't hit *let's say his name is Moshe* and move her away from situation that helped (after a while). Also don't repeat it a million times, just say it once and be done. Move on to another subject. Eventually she now stops herself from hitting if she gets jealous or something. If I notice she's jealous I'll try to give her positive attention and distract her. She sometimes says robotically *we don't hit *moshe* lol. it's so cute.
Never say your child is bad for hitting, toddlers don't hurt intentionally. Try to find out why there is hitting. It could be jealousy, hunger, feeling overwhelmed, feeling upset... and if toddler is laughing while hitting, that is not a laugh, it is being nervous about what is going on and a defense mechanism to try to cover up the confusion.

Also empathy is good. if baby is crying, then she might get upset, and I will empathize and say "yea it's really hard to hear the baby crying because it's a loud noise, I hope he stops soon." Then she will say "yeah loud noise" and then move on to play with something and feel better.

Of course everyone's situation is different, and this was just my experience. You sound like a very thoughtful person and that is an incredible step to helping this work out well!

Sorry my grammar is off I'm typing this in a rush ! Hope it's clear enough.

Bshaa Tova!
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Thu, Oct 31 2019, 9:35 pm
There was a similar thread. Read Janet Lansbury site for articles on this. Read books to your toddler. I really liked Nine Months and just skipped the fetus pictures and made up my own text.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Oct 31 2019, 10:27 pm
I'm in middle of going through this with my DS (he's 2 and a few months)
Bh our main issue is when the baby cries he hates it and runs to pick up the baby but he thinks crying is every sound the baby makes in his sleep 🙈

Also he's super active and independent so he wants to be 'big' now and do things by himself even things that aren't safe Todo... So we have to slow him down
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