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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
7yo DD being excluded
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 5:57 am
I agree with the sentiment of either switch class or switch schools. I would tell the staff straight out that trying to get my dd to be friends with a girl that hits because hey neither of them have friends is not an acceptable solution.
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amother
Denim


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 6:20 am
As others said, please look into switching classes and/or schools. I was bullied a lot as a kid and it really negatively affected me. In the Hebrew school I attended growing up there were almost no girls, the class was mostly boys and I absolutely hated attending. My classmates were mean, used to throw spitballs and the teachers wasted so much time disciplining students. It really negatively affected my yiddishkit and made me not want to do anything associated with being Jewish. In fact, the only reason I’m currently observant is because I finally made good Jewish friends in college (thank you Hillel & Chabad!). Also, I developed depression during my teen years due my lack of friends and social difficulties at school (academically I always did great).
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 7:52 am
I wouldn't change schools. I think you should send her to school with something like personalized pencils for the class, have a party at your house, etc. There is also nothing wrong with playing alone.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 7:58 am
You can send your daughter with fun special games to play with during recess with the other girls *after* she has been switched to the other class. Girls who go up to your daughter and say her picture is ugly--ugh--I am flashbacking to one of my now adult daughters who had this.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 7:58 am
I guess this should be a spinoff, so feel free to ignore. Just wondering why schools have such a setup? If there's only 11 girls in the grade altogether, why aren't they all in the same class?
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 8:20 am
if the parent body beshitta wants it to be coed Smile
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 3:44 pm
Thanks for all the further responses Smile

I'm not sure whether changing classes would help or even be possible. The school said at the start of first grade that you can't reuest to change, plus, the other class is already larger than the one DD is in.

Additionally, I have the feeling that the morah who told me the girls in the other class are more mature, did so as a way of introducing the topic of Rochel. I know all the girls in that class except the one who joined in September and 2 of them are a year younger than my DD and seem young for their age too. As I wrote before, there is a girl in that class who is very mature, so I thought the morah meant her, but when I said the name, she said "actually we've been trying to get her to play wth Rochel."

Regarding changing schools, the only option we would consider is public school which could bring its own set of problems concerning fitting in, although bar classmates' birthday parties, all of DD's social interaction outside of school has been with non-Jews and there have been no problems. My biggest worry would be about coming in as an outsider now in second grade, when friendships have already been established.
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zohar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 3:47 pm
If she's more mature, is skipping a grade an option?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 3:47 pm
nchr wrote:
I wouldn't change schools. I think you should send her to school with something like personalized pencils for the class, have a party at your house, etc. There is also nothing wrong with playing alone.


Playing alone won't do anything for her social development, and she is very social and wants to interact with people.

The problem is not that though, it's that she is being deliberately excluded and mocked.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 3:50 pm
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
I guess this should be a spinoff, so feel free to ignore. Just wondering why schools have such a setup? If there's only 11 girls in the grade altogether, why aren't they all in the same class?


It's a co-ed school. There are 11 girls and 22 boys in the grade, so they were divided equally between the two classes.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 3:54 pm
zohar wrote:
If she's more mature, is skipping a grade an option?


Unfortunately not. She could have gone into first grade a year earlier than she did and in fact I did enroll her but was persuaded at the last moment to change the enrollment.

Of course I am now beating myself up for not standing my ground because in addition to the problems listed in this thread, she is also not being challenged academically.
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nchr




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 30 2019, 5:35 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Playing alone won't do anything for her social development, and she is very social and wants to interact with people.

The problem is not that though, it's that she is being deliberately excluded and mocked.


I hadn't realized there was mocking going on. That should be part of an anti bullying policy. What does the teacher say?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Nov 03 2019, 4:55 am
nchr wrote:
I hadn't realized there was mocking going on. That should be part of an anti bullying policy. What does the teacher say?


It started with her being excluded when the other girls were all playing together and refusing to let her join in.

Now there has been an incident where all 5 girls were drawing in class and the other 4 came over to DD and told her that her picture was ugly, laughing at her.

I've not been able to speak to the teacher yet as I can't do so without an appointment.
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