How often do you talk/text your DD in seminary?

amother

Aqua

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:08 am

Speaking as someone in Israel who has a lot to do with these kids - less is better. Don't solve all their problems for them. Don't make their shabbos arrangements. Be available, be willing to listen, but do let them develop independence.

amother

Azure

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:37 am

Speak/text with my DD almost daily, sometimes multiple times per day.

Texts are as simple as a picture of her and her friends eating ice cream, a beautiful sunset, a forwarded aish article she read. She met share the coolest chidush from a teacher, social drama, can I order for her what she put in the amazon cart and send it when so and so's mom comes in 3 weeks. She lets us know where she is going for Shabbos, and texts us Motzi Shabbos when she gets back to the dorm (we find it after Shabbos, but we know whe is safe.

Other than the physical hugs, in some ways it is like she never left. It is totally not like going to Sem for the year in the early 90's. We were very close before and she has always been very independent.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 1:01 pm

I don’t have kids in seminary but I wasn’t there too long ago. I spoke to my mother about 1-2 times a week. When I had a harder week more often. I always told her to be happy if I forgot to call, it meant I was doing well

amother

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 2:24 pm

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

Me too. My daughter and I are in constant contact with texts. She calls daily and will stay on the phone telling me all about her day just like she did all throughout her primary and high school years I like to know when she arrives back in her dorm, so I initiate those texts.

I speak to my son twice a week and text only once daily. It's such a contrast. I mostly know what he's doing by the texts from his charge card.

I am glad to hear there's another mother who has that contact.

amother

Copper

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 6:43 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I understand where you're coming from, but please also be conscious of how your dd might feel if her friend get regular calls and messages from their parents and yours doesn't. That's what made me realize for the first time how lacking my relationship with my mother was.

shanie5

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 10:28 pm

I connect with dd regularly thru whattsapp. Sometimes just her, sometimes on our family group. Just little stuff. Fun stuff. Oh, and 'can u send...' if someone is going to Israel.

ds-speak on phone about once a week for anywhere from 3-30 minutes.

Odelyah

Mon, Nov 04 2019, 11:23 pm

and I also speak to my son about once a week. (Pretty much every erev shabbos; occasionally a different time if he needs to ask me something.) They also both occasionally have email access and we will email each other periodically (maybe once every week or 2?)

BH I have a good, loving and warm relationship with both of them at this point but they are both very independent (and my son is a couple years older than my daughter)

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 12:01 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

I was in Seminary a few years ago and I don't think these things go hand in hand necessarily. I spoke to my mother every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Had a kosher phone so no texting. She never made shabbos plans for me or the like. I just like shmoozing with her, and I still do daily! I also come from a big family so there was always something going on with one of my sibilings that she wanted to tell me.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:06 am

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

Some people are more connected than others. It doesn't necessarily indicate a better relationship, just a different kind.

Regular WhatsApps or one-line texts are fine for keeping you in touch. What concerns me is the girl who can't sort out a roommate situation on her own (or with the help of local staff), the girl who can't make her own shabbos plans, or can't choose an outfit without Mommy's help.

amother

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:33 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

When my daughter asks me these things, I ask her feelings and then tell her to sort it out with the menehal if she can't solve it by talking.

I spoke to her yesterday and exchanged dozens of texts with her. I used to call my mother several times a day after I got married. I was wondering if other seminary girls stay as in touch or they break away a bit.