Is it morbid? | Imamother

amother

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 3:06 pm

If you have a very ill family member, is it morbid to go shopping to have enough clothing to last a year? I recently gained a lot of weight and have very few things that fit me and I'm debating if I should be spending the time and money to shop now when I can or if I should wait and see if I lose some weight and can fit into my old clothes. But my old clothes are actually old because I hate shopping and they're getting worn out anyway. So maybe I should shop now if it gets to the point where I won't be allowed to shop?

And, yes, I'm aware that I'm focusing on mundane details in order to distract myself from thinking big thoughts that will make me dissolve in a puddle of tears.

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 3:12 pm

Hugs, I'm so sorry.
It makes sense to shop now, even if, hopefully, you don't need to stock up. Distraction is a perfectly good technique for dealing with a situation like this.
May things go as well as they can.

Elfrida

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 3:24 pm

The day before my mother was niftar I ran out from the hospital to the nearest shops to buy a few new items that I was desperately in need of. I was also short of clothes at that time for various reasons, and I knew that what I had wasn't going to come close to lasting a year.

It was odd in the shops being surrounded by all these carefree people. I almost felt like I was in a different world, just rushing in, picking up the first item that looked right and rushing back to the hospital.

There's nothing wrong with making practical preparations for an upcoming situation. Make sure to wear all the clothes at least once as soon as you buy them.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 3:35 pm

Sorry you are going through this definitely get yourself some things if not for any other reason but to feel good about yourself while going through this hard time

amother

Copper

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:02 pm

Totally normal. My sister & I went through this for the past couple of years, every time we bought s/t we quickly wore it ...

However I do wish I had known that I didn't have to be so anxious about not bathing as the seforim (even those that aren't particularly meikil) say that a person who bathes often & will be very uncomfortable can use hot water and soap. I was just dreading the week (actually month) and how I would possibly survive.

Hashem should help everyone in your family to have strength for whatever lies ahead.

But know that if you don't have anything that fits, you can buy and have someone else wear it a few times (some say 2-3). I know a couple of people who told me that they didn't want to take advantage of that heter, but if you have nothing that fits and don't have time to shop now, I don't think you should consider it a kulah but a necessity. It's very helpful to have a Rov who's easy to reach, as so many details aren't covered in the seforim.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:11 pm

You're being practical. My sister called us to tell us to take showers.
I do resale shopping though, and was told I could buy shoes, so I was ok.

amother

Aquamarine

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:20 pm

Me and my sister did that we got a few things we needed when we were in this situation and then we were able to go a whole year without having to shop. Being realistic is healthy

Elfrida

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:23 pm

I remember learning that you could buy/wear new shoes if necessary after the shloshim, since they are considered a bodily need rather than clothing. Also glasses. And a third item that I can't remember.

hello 1

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 4:28 pm

Not at all op.
I was in the same situation a few years ago.
One thing I would tell you is that you or your husband should ask a Shaila. I had bought things but because I didn’t wear them yet, I couldn’t wear it in the year.
Maybe my rav was more machmir?
You should buy now and find out if you should wear now too. Will save you Agmas nefesh.
So sorry
Besuros Tov

HelloG

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think it's realistic to do so. my mother did it before my grandmother passed away

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:24 pm

hello 1 wrote:

What if someone else wears it first? I guess this is where the LOR comes in.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Nov 06 2019, 7:31 am

Buy the clothes you like, and see if you can find an adjustable size that will fit you when you lose weight, or if the clothes can be taken in by a seamstress.

I am so sorry for your situation. Please don't feel guilty about shopping, or anything else. Everyone copes in their own way, and it's OK. No one stands in your shoes, so they can't judge.

Sending you lots of hugs, love, and comfort. Hug