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Hey you, the one with six kids
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 6:59 pm
Stars wrote:
Omg. I discipline my kids but this above is leading a 1950s orphanage.


It pretty much follows Super Nanny. We all discipline actually like her videos.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:12 pm
I recently had #8 and my oldest just turned 12 bh. And yes, I work around 6-7 hours a day.
In short, the answer to how to manage (which truthfully is 'relative' and means something else to everyone) is to:

1) GET HELP and cut as many corners as you can. Now, for everyone that my means something else. For some that may mean cleaning help (I have 4 hours once a week now and really hoping to be able to add another 4 hours another day of the week if I manage to find). Help can be in the form of a helpful husband, girl coming over to watch the kids/take them out/bathe them or even play with them. Cutting corners may be in the form of food - getting as much ready made food or simple to prepare. Use wipes to clean as much as possible etc.

2) Learn to let go and be flexible- seriously!! I used to be that much more pressured, trying to be 'organized' and get stuff for Y'T done in advance etc. until I learned it simply wasn't worth the stress and pressure and b'h everything will get done and we will live with what won't Wink.
Enjoy the little ones, they do grow up eventually!!
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Window




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 7:50 pm
OP, I think the issue here might be perfection. I’m a perfectionist and I have a really long way to go. I need to learn to cut corners and let things go and have a messier house without breaking down and crying. I still need to learn how to allow my husband to help, even though I can do it better and quicker. How you described your house, it sounds like you are striving to perfection. Some idea for cutting corners:
- lazy dinners. Or cook a large pot of something that will last a few nights.
- laundry has to be washed but doesn’t have to be folded. If it’s really killing you to spend hours doing laundry, just put the clean clothes in the proper drawers. Hang up the clothes that tend to wrinkle
- husband needs ironed shirts, that’s his responsibility. Not yours
- cooking for husband? He’s an adult and he can figure it out. He can make his own sandwich for work. He can have cereal for breakfast
- find a flavor baby food that your child will eat. Or just mash up leftovers
I just want to say that I totally understand where you are coming from. I also need a clean house and I also like to do it all on my own, my way.
I know you Are in therapy, you might want to discuss with your therapist how you can set lower expectations of yourself and cut corners to make your life manageable.
Hatzlacha!
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HelloG




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 9:41 pm
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
The older kids help.
The older kids entertain the younger kids.
I cut a lot of corners.
A LOT.
Like REALLY A LOT.
Like WAY more than you would ever consider functional.

I have a pretty high tolerance for chaos (somewhat learned, somewhat natural).
I have relatively easy pregnancies.
I work from home.
My house isn't organized, and most of the time I don't care.

I figured out how to make the laundry work. (hint: lazy)
I figured out how to make the groceries work (online orders).
I figured out how to make lunches work (no-spread).
I send my DH to do all the errands.
I shop online.

I figured I'm on a kid locomotive that takes about 20 years, and I'm gonna grab as many as I can handle for this ride!

I'm lazy, disorganized, selfish, messy, and a very happy mother of more than six BH.

can I like this like 600 times????
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amother
Tan


 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 11:00 pm
[quote="amother [ Aquamarine ]"]
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
I know someone with 8 kids under the age of 11.
Runs a gan and a successful busy desert and fruit platter company from home at the evening and nights.
DH in kollel so no cleaning help.

Her house is very clean, and she is a loving and wonderful person.
She is VERY organized. LIKE EXTREMELY. Disciplined too!
Living in Israel she is also a minimalist. Her children probably have only 5 weekday outfits and 4-5 shabbos each and wear uniforms most of the time. (7 are girls)

You have to be very organized and disciplined. I could never do it. I don't know how she has time to cook so much, especially for shabbos making like a whole 5 course meal.[/quote

Sorry, I know off topic but I just had to lol. You call a minimalist someone who's 7 girls each have 4-5 shabbos outfits????


I live in boropark, my daughter has two sunday outfits. I would have preferred one but she is a 9 year old spirited girl who tries her hand at cooking, creating crafts, gluing, markering that leave her outfits simply dirty. She has one shabbos dress for the numerous family simchas and one shabos robe.
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Tzippy323




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 05 2019, 11:45 pm
1. Always cook double and freeze half.
2. Do most of your cooking for the week on Sunday or the night before.
3. Become a master of the one pot meal.
4. Use you crockpot during the week to make hardy soups or stews. You can put it up quickly in the morning and let it go all day.
5. Designate specific days for specific tasks and stick to it.
6. In the morning, fill a tote bag with things you know you’ll need throughout the day...diapers, wipes, pacifiers, toys, tissues, etc. always have it in the room you are in, and you will cut down on walking back and forth.
7. Save time on cleaning the house by putting cleanser in the toilet before going to bed, vacuuming as you make beds, using a spray cleanser on kitchen surfaces (water and dish soap in a spray bottle), keep a tablecloth on all tables, all the time, use cleanup wipes for bathroom surfaces (you can do it while you brush you teeth).

I had 6 children in 13 years. I am multiply handicapped and never had cleaning help except for my husband, who was a whiz at laundry. You can do it. Just look at their beautiful faces and thank HaShem for each of them.
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Odelyah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 06 2019, 1:31 am
gold21 wrote:
Totally agree about the shortcuts thing

All supposed superwomen take shortcuts


or take stimulants

or both
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Wed, Nov 06 2019, 3:46 am
gold21 wrote:
A boy can, and should, help.

I just wonder how any teenager could be so helpful that they offset the extra responsibility of a larger number of children.

I know there are some girls who just love babies, and caring for babies, and who love cooking and baking, and all that, so for them maybe it's not such a chore, and they're just happy to do their thing, which conveniently is a huge help to the well being of the family.

If it's not an actual hobby, passion, interest, of any teenager, boy or girl, I don't see how you're gonna get them to pitch in enough to offset the amount of work each new child requires. Chores are chores, done because the child is asked to do so. An actual passion and interest in helping with the kids or the kitchen is a totally different ball game.

My eldest is a boy, he loves taking care of babies and is waiting to be old enough to cook and bake when he wants (I limit it because he still needs supervision). He also wants to wash the dishes (DH's job) but is still too young to do them all.
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heidi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 06 2019, 12:20 pm
As somone who raised 5 kids while husband traveled two weeks a month and worked 29 hour weeks, I have one word for you. Time.
It gets easier as the kids get older.
There were, weeks, actually months, that I was so tired and drained I literally didn't know how I would do it again tomorrow.
Cleaning help twice a week was a must.
I don't believe in having older kids be responsible for their younger siblings except of ocassional babysitting, so that wasn't an option.
But you know what?
They grew up.
Went to yeshiva.
Left for college.
Got married.
And now I have lots of time on my hands.
It gets better, and I am so grateful that I have these kids. I wouldn't have had less to make life temporarily easier.
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amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, Nov 06 2019, 12:28 pm
heidi wrote:
I am so grateful that I have these kids. I wouldn't have had less to make life temporarily easier.


My sentiments exactly.
Except I’m still in the trenches.
Thanks for the encouragement!
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