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Does anybody else hate parenting
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 7:56 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Sleep train your baby quickly for a more loving relationship 😆



Excuse me, I'm sorry- I missed the part where you said they sleep.
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:12 am
I doubt that anyone enjoys tantrums, loneliness, boredom, attention seeking, squabbles, etc. Sometimes it becomes too much to handle.
There was an interesting article in the current N'shei Chabad Newsletter about the need for those who don't have small children to help those who do. While the gist of the article was to encourage women to have big families, there was an admission that no woman were never meant to do it alone.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:54 am
Do you hate your kids or the work they entail? There's a difference. Why don't you go to work and hire a live in nanny? This way you can act like a grandparent, all the fun parts and then let the nanny do the rest?
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:56 am
My kids are mostly all teens now except for one. When I had a toddler and a baby, it was very hard. The constant neediness and the self-centered tantrumming/crying can wear you down. My family isn’t frum and they live far away. My dh was a loving parent but not very good at the hands on piece. So I never got a break. Plus I have an anxious personality and get overwhelmed easily.

Things that helped me were: blogging (a password-protected family-only blog) where I could share updates about the kids and focus on the good stuff (it was exciting to track their development and see the progress they were making); taking my kids to drop-in babysitting done by a warm loving bubby so I could have a couple hours to myself; comfort eating (I know people will tell you not to but it really helped me to have treat food just for myself); davening for them.

They grow up. Things won’t always be as physically tiring as they are now. It’s a lot of work over the years (physical and emotional), but by the time they hit their late teens, you’ll beH start seeing the peiros of everything you put into them. I’m proud of myself for working so hard to mother them and raise them with love and warmth. I gave them a solid (far from perfect but still very solid) foundation. Nothing I’ve achieved at work (and I have a great career bH) comes close to giving me the satisfaction and pride that I have from seeing how my kids are turning out. And that applies to my “hard” kid just as much as it applies to my others who don’t struggle like him. They’re all great kids bH and no one but the Aibishter knows how hard I had to work on myself to be a good mommy to them. It was worth it! Nothing compares.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 10:02 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:
Honestly, no. Your post makes me very sad. This is your nisayon and I hope you have success in working through it

This. I know it’s not easy with little ones.
But IYH when you’ll be older you’ll be so glad you did this!
Like building up a new company is HARD!!
We invest and invest time and effort and money and work and work and work and then we pray that it should bare fruit!
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary!!
I come from a fam of 12 keh, Was it easy for my mother? No, a very resounding no.
But now we’re all married and she has so much nachas!! Every sukkos and pesach every bris and kiddush and grandchild’s wedding every Erev Shabbos when she gets so many calls from across the ocean wishing her gut Shabbos , she’s a queen.
Having said that, I totally relate!! I have a bunch of little ones close in age and it’s overwhelming!!
But once I had a misscariage and had to be on birth control for a few months after that and it made me really sad!! - I don’t always become pregnant right away when trying to conceive, and I don’t want to waste any of these 20-25 yrs that Hashem gave me to build my personal Empire!
I do lots of self care to give me strength .
And we are comfortable financially which helps a lot in that regard. So I’m not judging anyone.
But do yourself a favour and keep investing and one day, pls G-d, you’ll reap the fruit!!!
Hazorim bdima b’rina yiktzoru!!
One day you’ll be so grateful you did this.
But don’t live only for “one day”, do WHATEVER you can to help yourself enjoy it now too, in the present.
Dress them as cute as you can afford, get a babysitter sometimes and go to the gym, go out with your husband ALONE one night a week, buy pizza if you’re too tired to cook.
You’re building up your future.

All this is in terms of this world.
I didn’t even mention the eternal reward in the next world, after you’re already 120, every single mitzva they and their children do, every single Bracha they’ll say and every single Amein they’ll answer you’ll also get rewarded for! like commission..you continue benefitting on a constant basis, for all of eternity.
That’s a good investment.
Investments take work...
Stay strong and give it your all.
And take care of yourself so you can do a good job!!
Hugs!
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 12:00 pm
amother [ Lilac ] wrote:
I would rule out postpartum depression, one of the symptoms is hating taking care of your kids.
This was my first thought as well.
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sl18




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 12:14 pm
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
Why would you have more kids if you already consider the ones you have a burden???
It's not fair to these poor kids. Let the neshamos go to a home where they will Be loved.
How can you HATE (strong word) the first year? Hashem gave you a gift, a precious neshama to care for and nurture. And you not only don't appreciate it you hate it?
Wow.


She didn't say she hates her kids Chas veshalom
She said she hates the first year...there are many things that come along with kids that are hard...sleep deprivation, constantly being on call for needs, the physical demands etc. Etc .
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, Nov 13 2019, 3:00 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote:
Do you hate your kids or the work they entail? There's a difference. Why don't you go to work and hire a live in nanny? This way you can act like a grandparent, all the fun parts and then let the nanny do the rest?


She said she hates having kids. That’s far different than just hating the parenting part, Or the difficulty of their age.
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