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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Seashell
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 7:56 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote: | Sleep train your baby quickly for a more loving relationship đ |
Excuse me, I'm sorry- I missed the part where you said they sleep.
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southernbubby
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:12 am
I doubt that anyone enjoys tantrums, loneliness, boredom, attention seeking, squabbles, etc. Sometimes it becomes too much to handle.
There was an interesting article in the current N'shei Chabad Newsletter about the need for those who don't have small children to help those who do. While the gist of the article was to encourage women to have big families, there was an admission that no woman were never meant to do it alone.
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amother
Ecru
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:54 am
Do you hate your kids or the work they entail? There's a difference. Why don't you go to work and hire a live in nanny? This way you can act like a grandparent, all the fun parts and then let the nanny do the rest?
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amother
Bronze
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 8:56 am
My kids are mostly all teens now except for one. When I had a toddler and a baby, it was very hard. The constant neediness and the self-centered tantrumming/crying can wear you down. My family isnât frum and they live far away. My dh was a loving parent but not very good at the hands on piece. So I never got a break. Plus I have an anxious personality and get overwhelmed easily.
Things that helped me were: blogging (a password-protected family-only blog) where I could share updates about the kids and focus on the good stuff (it was exciting to track their development and see the progress they were making); taking my kids to drop-in babysitting done by a warm loving bubby so I could have a couple hours to myself; comfort eating (I know people will tell you not to but it really helped me to have treat food just for myself); davening for them.
They grow up. Things wonât always be as physically tiring as they are now. Itâs a lot of work over the years (physical and emotional), but by the time they hit their late teens, youâll beH start seeing the peiros of everything you put into them. Iâm proud of myself for working so hard to mother them and raise them with love and warmth. I gave them a solid (far from perfect but still very solid) foundation. Nothing Iâve achieved at work (and I have a great career bH) comes close to giving me the satisfaction and pride that I have from seeing how my kids are turning out. And that applies to my âhardâ kid just as much as it applies to my others who donât struggle like him. Theyâre all great kids bH and no one but the Aibishter knows how hard I had to work on myself to be a good mommy to them. It was worth it! Nothing compares.
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amother
Bisque
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 10:02 am
amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote: | Honestly, no. Your post makes me very sad. This is your nisayon and I hope you have success in working through it |
This. I know itâs not easy with little ones.
But IYH when youâll be older youâll be so glad you did this!
Like building up a new company is HARD!!
We invest and invest time and effort and money and work and work and work and then we pray that it should bare fruit!
The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary!!
I come from a fam of 12 keh, Was it easy for my mother? No, a very resounding no.
But now weâre all married and she has so much nachas!! Every sukkos and pesach every bris and kiddush and grandchildâs wedding every Erev Shabbos when she gets so many calls from across the ocean wishing her gut Shabbos , sheâs a queen.
Having said that, I totally relate!! I have a bunch of little ones close in age and itâs overwhelming!!
But once I had a misscariage and had to be on birth control for a few months after that and it made me really sad!! - I donât always become pregnant right away when trying to conceive, and I donât want to waste any of these 20-25 yrs that Hashem gave me to build my personal Empire!
I do lots of self care to give me strength .
And we are comfortable financially which helps a lot in that regard. So Iâm not judging anyone.
But do yourself a favour and keep investing and one day, pls G-d, youâll reap the fruit!!!
Hazorim bdima bârina yiktzoru!!
One day youâll be so grateful you did this.
But donât live only for âone dayâ, do WHATEVER you can to help yourself enjoy it now too, in the present.
Dress them as cute as you can afford, get a babysitter sometimes and go to the gym, go out with your husband ALONE one night a week, buy pizza if youâre too tired to cook.
Youâre building up your future.
All this is in terms of this world.
I didnât even mention the eternal reward in the next world, after youâre already 120, every single mitzva they and their children do, every single Bracha theyâll say and every single Amein theyâll answer youâll also get rewarded for! like commission..you continue benefitting on a constant basis, for all of eternity.
Thatâs a good investment.
Investments take work...
Stay strong and give it your all.
And take care of yourself so you can do a good job!!
Hugs!
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ShishKabob
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 12:00 pm
amother [ Lilac ] wrote: | I would rule out postpartum depression, one of the symptoms is hating taking care of your kids. | This was my first thought as well.
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sl18
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 12:14 pm
amother [ Lime ] wrote: | Why would you have more kids if you already consider the ones you have a burden???
It's not fair to these poor kids. Let the neshamos go to a home where they will Be loved.
How can you HATE (strong word) the first year? Hashem gave you a gift, a precious neshama to care for and nurture. And you not only don't appreciate it you hate it?
Wow. |
She didn't say she hates her kids Chas veshalom
She said she hates the first year...there are many things that come along with kids that are hard...sleep deprivation, constantly being on call for needs, the physical demands etc. Etc .
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amother
Brown
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Wed, Nov 13 2019, 3:00 pm
amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | Do you hate your kids or the work they entail? There's a difference. Why don't you go to work and hire a live in nanny? This way you can act like a grandparent, all the fun parts and then let the nanny do the rest? |
She said she hates having kids. Thatâs far different than just hating the parenting part, Or the difficulty of their age.
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