How to motivate teens (boys)

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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professor

Sun, Nov 18 2018, 7:59 pm

How do I motivate my teens to:
1) learn well and appreciate their own yeshiva and not be jealous of other boys who get to do fun stuff for every perek they finish as a reward in other yeshivas
2) go to the park or to walks with me on shabbos? (Girls are easier, they want to "lose weight" so they'll come)

Last edited by professor on Mon, Nov 19 2018, 9:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

salt

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 1:00 am

professor wrote:

How do I motivate my teens to:
1) learn well and appreciate their own yeshiva and not be jealous of other boys who get to do fun stuff for every masechta they finish as a reward in other yeshivas
2) go to the park or to walks with me on shabbos? (Girls are easier, they want to "lose weight" so they'll come)

1. reward them yourself.
2. offer them different activities instead, that they appreciate more. Take them out for pizza on motzei Shabbos, or play a board game with them on Shabbos afternoon. Give them a choice.

professor

Mon, Nov 19 2018, 9:10 pm

OK but my reward would be a trip so how do I motivate them to want to go on that trip? I dont want to reward them with expensive things

salt

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 2:47 am

professor wrote:

OK but my reward would be a trip so how do I motivate them to want to go on that trip? I dont want to reward them with expensive things

A reward has to be something that they want.
Ask them. I would say to them, you've been learning so well recently, when you finish learning the masechet that you're on, what would you like as a reward? (within reason of course)
They may just want some money, an item of clothing, a new pair of shoes, go out for ice cream. I don't know.
But no point forcing on them a reward which is not a reward for them.

salt

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 3:43 am

Me again, I realized some of the rewards I suggested here may be considered expensive.
One of my 3 boy teens likes and needs encouragement and rewards - but it can be a bottle of soda, a cake, some new funky socks, cufflinks, a new tie, pens, keyring, just something to show him 'wow I'm so proud of you. You're really doing well these days"

But I would never reward on good grades - just on working/learning hard.

amother

Mint

Tue, Nov 20 2018, 5:09 am

Not all girls are into weight, esp teens who are lazy or simply not fat/not into weight.

oneofakind

Wed, Nov 13 2019, 7:12 pm

Why would a boy want to take a walk on a Shabbos afternoon with his mother? Either he wants to sleep, read, hang out with friends or just lounge around.
You want to spend time with him? Join him in what he wants to do or offer to play a board game he likes.
You want company on your walk? Bribe him or find someone else.

momX4

Wed, Nov 13 2019, 7:26 pm

I drive carpool once a week. We have a 15 min drive once we drop off the last boy. I use that time to bond with my son.

Weekly grocery shopping with my younger soon works great as well.

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